Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

\";This message is for xyz who posted her problem under the women's issues.\";

Hi xyz,

I read your message and felt very sorry for you. I can fully understand what you are going through. I too have the same issue with my husband(although I am not pregnant.). We keep
fighting about his parents. He will do his best to prove me that his parents are not at fault- whatever they have said or done is not intentional. Its me and only me, who has done
something wrong. He feels that way because his parents feel so. I am really very very depressed , frustrated & angry beacuse of my in-laws. Other than this, we dont have any issues
in our married life. They are trying their best to ruin their own son's happy married life(although they will never understand or admit it). They keep telling my husband about what
I have done and what i have not or what I should have done and what not. They teach me that I dont know how to
behave with elders. I have so many things against them that If i start writing about them, it will take me one full day. There are many things which I can only feel. They have hurt me badly. I really adored and respected them when I got married, but things worsened with time. I will write my detailed story some other time.

I stay in the US and my in-laws keep visiting us. I always took good care of them but what I got in return- just insult, hatred, and rudeness. I feel like fighting with them, but somehow I can not. I must say one thing, that I feel my hubby is a very nice person, but he is too much devoted to his parents- well nothing wrong with that. I do understand that everyone
loves his/her parents and it is our duty to be with them when they need us, but that doesnt mean that parents are always right. After-all they too are human beings, they can make mistakes or they can say something which can hurt us. But husbands will never undersatnd or admit this thing.

In my opinion, you should try to ignore such things as much as possible. I know it is very very hard but since you are pregnant and you have to take care of your baby, who has nothing to do
with this issue , you must avoid such disturbing situations. Although I am giving you this advice, I myself agree that its not very easy. But we both will agree on one thing-that
avoiding such matter is not impossible...right? So, try to forget whatever your in-laws have
done with you, try not to discuss it with your hubby(because it is useless).
Just be calm and cool and talk to your husband very politely, that this is the time that you need him the most. After all it is his baby also. He must take care of youself. This is his
responsibility to keep you happy & cheerful, atleast during the pregnancy. You can make him
understand that these things may affect your & baby's health, and if something goes wrong, it will affect your lives too. And one more thing- ( i am presuming that you don't work), so
try to engage yourself with some hobby. Try to occupy yourself with constructive things like reading, watching good movies and programs, talking to your family and friends. It will surely help you.

I am not sure about one thing in your case and that is,when you discuss with this issue with your hubby- you get angry or not? Because I do get angry and very very emotional when I talk
with my hubby about his parents bad behvior. So my advice is, do not get excited or feel weepy, when talk about
this issue. Just be confident and calm and then try to make him see the reality. This may help.

So dear,just try to forget whatever happened with you and please do eat something- if not for youself, atleast for your baby. He/she must be crying yaar- thinking that his mother
is not taking care of her baby. Do take good care of yourself and your baby.

Keep writing about your feelings. Good luck & cheers.
shelly replied. I totally agree that you should stop worrying and take care of yourself and your baby's health.. i was tortured when i was pregnant.. but i took a stand that i will neither do nor take any 'anyay'. thank god my husband understood and supported me and so i could undergo all the frustration. beleive me neither your husbands attitude that his parents, brothers, bhabhis, sisters are not bad will change nor your your in-laws will change no matter how much you weep or get angry.. so take a dont care attitude. dont give in, assure your husband that you will always be there when your in-laws are in need but you will not tolerate any bad behaviour.. and just think abt your child and yourself at least when you are pregnant.
i tried the following... 1)talked to my child, 2)wrote to him.. even some small stupid poems :), 3)read and thought of several ideas of decorating its room and so i had no time to think of all the bad things :) and now i am a happy mom with a healthy son :)