Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

We got married 4 yrs ago and issues cropped up just 2 mths after our marriage. As per my MIL' s instructions, my FIL (who himself is very interfering) speaks. They would interfere by checking on our cc statements/ to where we go/ what time we come/ how much time we spend in the ROOM!! Initially I did not speak at all for the fear of my FIL (i used to go weak on my knees even while crossing his room), for the way / what is he going to speak. This affected my relationship wt my husband and after our son was born the problems increased for me. i had no support on raising him. If he is crying for some reason ...i wld not get any help.They only wanted to play wt him and when it was time to take care ....he wld have to be wt me....for changing diapers, even making him eat etc. I wnt into a depression fr 3 mths and finally we moved out to gurgaon after an argument. later after a few mths they also took anthr flat near us and started staying there. My husband and son used to meet thm over wknds but not me. However, after some time i only tried to patch up by calling them for our son' s 1st bday...to which my mil refused and snt my FIL. Not even my BIL was part of it. however, now we go every wknd on my husband' s insistence to meet them....which gets too much for me bcoz we hardly get time to spend together. my husband is dependent on them for smallest of things...from paying bills to purchasing household things etc. He cannt take financial decisions on his own. His father keeps a check on each and every thing. To the extent that he keeps him (my husband) financially dependent on him. now the problem is that my son is getting overly dependent on them. they r teaching him all sorts of things from…nana nani r not gud. give him gifts which r spoiling him. he also insists that he wants to go to their house everyday. they make him eat anything which does not suit him and then falls ill. i tell my husband to tell them not to...but they wld' nt listen. i have suffered alot wt them but dont want my child to get spoilt. pls help how to i handle this. Ishu replied. Hi Person,
Listen they are elder then us and we are nothing in front of their experience so it would be good if you learn some from them. tripti replied. Hi,
You are not only person who suffers from in laws there are many but you have to understand the situation and solve the issue as early as possible. Madhu replied. Hi Tripti,
In laws role would be present in every one's life and you cannot escape from them.You have to bear them if they suffer you nothing can be done. Amruta replied. Hi Tripti,
I do not know why do in laws behave like this because i have seen many people behaving in the similar way.The problem is with in laws or from the daughter in law. Medha replied. Hi Tripti,
Some how you came out of the house from your in laws.It will be solved when even your brother in law gets married.So you just wait and let the marriage had happen.Every thing will be solved. Sophia replied. Hi tripti,
It is common issue in all families.I too do not know that in laws also were once in laws to their in laws and they have crossed that stage and they would know what to be done and what naught. Pari replied. Hi Tripti,
So what you have done to solve the issue can you say because the solution you have chose might give any boost to the people who do have problems with in laws also and they will also sort out their problems also. Sweety replied. Hi lady,
I can understand your situation but you have to solve according to your problem only because no one knows what exactly happens at your home and i think your problem has been solved also can you say how did you solve it. hari replied. Hi Tripti,
In laws will interfere and you need to keep quite because we cannot do any thing against to them but when time comes every thing will be cleared and nothing more than this for the person also. Swetha replied. HI tripti,
What you want to do exactly then because role of in laws will be in your life at any time and you need to move on you have to ignore which ever you wont like if they say anything think that they were your parents. Alok replied. Hello Tripti,
In laws will be like that only and you need to move to them accordingly then only your problem will solved and you will not face any disputes between you people also i hope you will understand and solve your issue only. Samira Jain replied. This is really disgusting. I think that it is not worth adjusting. For a peaceful family life, it is better to separate. Once in a while occasional meeting would give to happy family times. Preeti replied. Men like you should stay away from marriage because your too selfish. I' m sure your parents are nice people & I hope you live happy ever after together forever.....Never judge people if you' ve never walked in their shoes...it' s a life lesson and after reading your comments it' s clear you' ve not learnt much.... Aakash replied. @ Malvika

You are right this time for a change!! I am a worldly wise chap.))

Please do try hard for I seriously doubt the prayer of a sinner would be accepted by the heavens above.

So, hurry now, I believe I am leaving you with loads of work at hand.

Toodles! A replied.
@ malvika


@ MALVIKA

ok grannie, you surely must have made your husband' s life hell by now by turning him into his slave

so the entire fault is man' s family even if the wife backstabs them

she has to learn to reciprocate the love her in-laws give

ok so the kid is not the wife' s, is she doing a big favour on the father by bringing the kid into the world

it makes your biases all more evident radha replied. the role of in law is very important in my life as they are very cooperating and fun loving.. i am a working women and my in laws looks after my baby n thats really sweet of them... is there an1 like me who wans to share their views or experiences??? Nan replied. Hi Tripti, I would suggest that instead of Mr. Akash' s advice, you take a firm stand on your life. Surely, Akash' s advice is shallow-minded and he doesn' t seem to understand the seriousness of your problem. I agree you are now a Mom and for the sake of the child, you will not be able to break the relationship so easily. In such a case, try being strict with your husband and express your feelings clearly. Tell him upfront that you feel neglected and disrespected by your in-laws. If he is a good husband, he will surely find a way to balance his relationship between parents and wife. On the contrary, if he is self-conceited and arrogant, he will threaten to divorce you or may become verbally abusive or even violent. However, whatever the risks be, you should take a chance and speak to him about your feelings. Tell him the following:
1) You would visit your in-laws only once a month as the rest of the weekends, you want to spend time only wit husband and child.
2) Tell your husband stories where men have been self-dependent and have made decisions on their own, especially financially and tell him he needs to be man enough to stand on his own. After all, parents are growing old and may not be able to help him forever!
3) Tell your husband that your own parents and his parents should be treated equally. If one weekend/month, u people visit his parents, next month should be your own.
4) Suggest to him (say this politely) that if in-laws continue to poison your child against nana-nani, then there are ways to deal with this, for e.g., legal help/police support.

Last but not the least, keep reminding your husband that you are educated and even may want to go for a job! Find out details from the internet on the police and legal support available against such interference for your own safety. Be careful how to use them, but nonetheless, knowing all that will give u lot of courage!!

I actually came to this forum looking for similar help, but now finding similar such stories here. I fully understand your situation as I am going through something very similar and it has just been 1 and a half years of marriage and I am pregnant also! I am just wondering what will happen in the rest of my life, though I do continue to be brave. I guess, some of us just ought to wait for the right time to strike it back to such immature men who don' t understand the importance of having a loving wife around! All the best to you. MDL replied. Akashi I replied to another post of yours in the forum Joint Family. A post started by a lady called Devi. Would appreciate if you could read my post. My below post is in continuation. Let me know your thoughts. I' m not here to judge you or anyone. Just help me understand the situation better. Thanks. Mel replied. You' re the same guy answering on these forums... You need to calm down.

Are you venting again ??? Because if you want people to take you seriously then stop venting, and speculating.
Akash replied. @NAINA -
is this some sort of power struggle going on ie. 2 swords do not fit in sheath. I am scared for the poor MILs whose DILs consider them as swords.
Does loving one' s mother mean hating one' s wife?

And cant' the wife step aside, why should the parents step aside and give up the control.
And doesn' t the guy have a voice let him also decide is he a puppet in his wife' s hands?
I don' t see any connection between the two.
What' s wrong with a guy loving & respecting his parents more than his wife? (that too is his parents are wonderful & nice people even then is it a problem)
What' s wrong in seeing the accounts of their son Why are they supposed to forfeit their right over their son and hand it over to his wife?
And, doesn' t the son have his own voice Is he ungrateful enough to allow his wife to take such big decisions for him that should have been taken by either him or his parents.
Sick mentality.
Who said the wife is the servant but atleast she should change the nappies of her own kid she hates her in-laws but secretely she desires them to be servants to her by doing such chores.
They have already done that for their son (ie. her husband) so now it' s teh wife' s (DIL' s) duty to do it for her son.
Why should they do that for their grandson Can love for one' s grandkid be displayed/proved only through performing such menial chores for the grandkid/ babysitting the kid ??

Leaving one' s family by a wife is far greater sacrifice than the man' s parents? Come on, at times many DILs experience such great comforts & pleasures at their in-laws house that they could only dream of at their own natal home.
The man' s mother already has given up her home at the time of marriage.
You have such a shallow interpretation of the love & sacrifices What about the endless sacrifices that mother made for 25-30 yrs of her life for her son.
You think you can ever outdo them??

NO, NEVER

Don' t you have a heart or are your merciless butchers ready to slaughter the relationship he has with his family.

And many of you women just don' t have a problems with his mother you have problems with his entire family (your brother-in-law, your sis-in-law) whosoever who adores him simply because you are guided by your inner insecurities & fears.
You know that you wouldn' t be able to control your hubbies or prospective hubbies in future BECAUSE you know very well that you yourselevs are not capable of providing the intense and beautiful love that his own bros, sis, mom & dad offer him amd it makes you jealous.
I refuse to understand why should wife be attain a position of priority over his parents for a guy. What' s wrong in being a second preference?
You are not among those INDIAN women that are known for being graceful, well-behaved, ready to make sacrifices for their husband & his family, respecting her elders atleast that is what an ideal Indian woman was supposed to be.




@JASMEET & @NAH -

Oh! All you women feel such sympathy for the self-proclaimed poor & oppressed DIL' s parents but you have no sympathy for the DIL' s parents-in-law.

Did you say something to stop the sick DIL who hurled abuses at her own parents-in-law (her hubby' s parents)on this public forum (even if under the condition of anonymity because it does reveal her inner ugly side). Is it alright to do so?
Then why should I be concerned about the DIL' s parents.
This shows your hypocricy and double standards whereby both of you think it fine to allow that woman by the name of TRIPTI to speak disparagingly about her MIL & FIL here but it is very wrong for me to speak bady about her parents.
Who' s the culprit here??
What' s wrong in grandparents giving gifts to their grandson does that mean they are spoiling him?
Gimme a BREAK from such a dirty logic & thought going on the Tripti' s or your minds.
I will again say that she is simply trying to defend her parents who don' t seem to fulfill their roles as maternal grandparents by putting the entire blame on the loving paternal grandparents. There is nothing wrong with them.
Their only fault is that an extremely wicked & ungrateful DIL has entered the family to cause family feuds and the son (he certainly is not a man because he can' t stand up for his really nice parents who are good to him & his wife too & has forgotten everything his parents did for him) is blindly following her deadly motives.

You are no-one to speak of my character because your reluctance to correct Tripti when she makes such cruel remarks about her MIL & FIL reflects quite poorly on your own character as a wife & DIL & most important of all, as a WOMAN.