Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Me and my DH are abroad with a 6 month old baby. My mil stays with us now, she comes every year for 6 months on visit visa. My fil is here as well but he stays in another place. My mil stays with us this time to take care of the baby as we both are working. I never wanted my mil to come here n I always wanted a maid. But my inlaws are real misers , they can do anything to save money. Me and mil are not in real good terms. I put the fake smile on whenever m with her .Fil is okay but he is also money minded and he has crossed his retirement age yet he is here working here plus he doesn’t want to lose that grip on his son(main reason). He will never allow us to relocate to another country (for a better job) and for anything and everything he wants his son asking him for advices. My mil also wants to know everything whatever is happening at our side. And at times my DH behaves like a Super Mammas boy. My mil loves it if she knows we both had a fight. For anything and everything my DH depends on his parents. At times he doesn’t even consult with me. I have confronted him with this but no result. Some days he doesn’t even care to spend time with me, I had told him whatsoever I need some quality time together that’s just we both. He is over conscious as to what people will think about it. The thing is he is brought up in a way to be extremely dependant on his parents for anything and everything.

My mil has created many issues with me, and I had kept quiet. I never complained to my husband about her but its when she gossip about me that’s when I reason out with him as to what exactly happened. My fil and DH knows about Mils bad character and so do people back home. Yet they expect high levels of adjustment settings from my side.

Now what I want is how can I slowly pull my husband to my side, I want him to be self dependant not consulting his parents for even the slightest things( u wont believe my mil and sil( she n her kids r with us on visit for a month)interferes to that end that they want my child to call her dad the way they wants not the way we wants). He doesn’t understand that he is the head of this small family unit compromising me and my daughter. I had hopes that he will change with the coming of our daughter. But heck no! What should I do??Atimes things get so worse that i feel like leaving him. He cant stand up for our rights, its parents who decide about us.Im so frustrated cos f this.There are a hell lot of incidents that happens almost everyday.
A replied. mira,
I have been abroad and now back home settled in our house where my in laws already startd living before we came. I am not even able to control the househelp here because of my in laws indulgence. mil started working as soon as me and kids arrived but remotely and time to time she has controlled everything needed letting me do small things. From her I am learning how to be strategic!

Its sad that inspite of u wanting a maid u r having to depend onur mil. How about still getting a maid at home with the reason that mil will have some help and that u and ur DH are earning to give peace to parents at this age! Slowly get a strong hold on the maid and thru her u give instructions how to handle the kid. Persuade ur DH also in retaining a maid. Say ur mil can supervise maid and the baby and need not do aaya work at the same time. May be show them that u r cutting corners else where to meet this new expense.
Make some of ur Dh' s home chores easier thru the maid too.
One small step at a time will help. Once the maid is come keep complete control over her.