Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I have been married for over 3 years now.My husband earns moderately so I continued my job after I got married though I never really wanted to work. I ws taking care of all my expenses/needs as I knew it would be difficult for him to take care of all my needs.
Now after 3 years of this it seems he has taken me for granted. He expects me to take care of anything and everything raegarding my needs/necessities/finances. Its like I have to work and feed myself. He doant even bother to get me anything voluntarily.
He goes over board getting things for his parents/sis/bros etc. He even gives them money even if he has to use his credit card .The biils of which he never pays.
Im very disturbed...as to tomorrow if I quit my job will this man ever look after me or my needs?Even if i borrow some money from him in an emergency, he makes sure he gats it back frm me.

How do I make him understand that its his duty and responsibility to lok after me....its not an obligation Smitha replied. Some people just don' t get the message. Your husband has to understand that because of you, he has been able to support his side of the family and is helping overall. Till he gets this message into his head, he will not change. Maintain separate accounts and he doesn' t need to know your bank balance. If he insists tell him in no small words that you do not appreciate what he is doing. Good luck.

Smitha Saheli replied. Talk it out. Assuming he is not aware of how a husb-wife relation is like, sit with him and talk to him about how you expect the relationship to be, how you want to financial transactions to be between the 2 of you. Tell him what had made you decide to continue the job. Talk coolly, respectfully, neutrally. You need to phrase the talks depending on your hubby' s temparament which I am not aware of.

Not around this same time, but many days/couple of months after you talk to him, see if you can get a common friend talk to your hubby about same things. This friend should not tell your hubby that \" ur wife came to me and requested me to talk about this\" . Rather, he should start that topic naturally, seek your hubby' s opinion, and then let him know that thats not the way, and whats the right way.

Irrespective of anything, you should never leave your job. There are different reasons for why a lady should do a job and earn money and is not primarily, for me, related to husband' s package.