Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi all,

I am a mother of a 2.5 yr old girl. Before i had a baby, i was a wrking women, in the IT field. Quiet capable , loved my job and doing good.
We took our time to have a kid, and it was a very well thought of decision for me to quit my job and look after my kid, as my MIL was reluctant. Also i wanted to be there to see my dd grow and am happy doing stuff for. So , i quit my job a few months before my delivery.
Now ,its been around 2.5 yrs and staying at home is taking its toll on me. Though ,i freelance from home its not like having a job. I miss it. My husband is very supportive , dosent help with the house wrk but helps with the child. However, he would wish that either parent stays at home with the child. Thast what we both believe.. he is also willing to give up his job n let me wrk( but i donno how long he will survive.., its male ego.. and he has it.. i mean we are Indians and we r brought up with a particular mindset).
I have no family to leave the child with, infact since my dd was born i' ve been taking care of her by myself and I was and still am ok with it. But if i start wrking, ill have to leave her to a maid or a day care. I have had maids ..tried all types.. full time .. part time .. live in .. everything.. some r good some arent. I have all CCTvs installed everything.. but still i feel the influence may not be a very positive one. For obvious reasons, that our education/upbringing differs from theirs and their approch is different, how much ever u train them.Leaving a kid for a couple of hrs is a different thing and then for the entire day (10hrs min) is a totally diff thing.
I' m really confused.. if i stay at home.. maybe my child will have some good influence n be happier.. at the same time im getting frustrated and irritatable.. i feel my life only revolves around my dd. I also believe , that u have to be a happy indiviual to be a happy and good parent.. currently im not very happy. This is affecting my relationships with my hubby and daughter.

Now my question is should i look for a job now or wait till she is older, n then look for a job.. or should i just let time pass.. she will eventually grow up and things wont be so difficult?

P.S: I dont NEED to wrk for financial reasons. Ruchita replied. Hi, I am also sailing in the same boat, mother of 6 months old baby. Working in IT. Have to join office from next month, not able to find any maid.

Aradhna from your message I saw you are working as a FreeLancer, can you please suggest any options to me so that I can look upon them as I don' t want to join office right now. lullu replied. When I read your message I felt like I was reading my story. And I completely understand your dilemma as I have been asking myself this question for a long time. While I have friends who are happy to be stay at home moms, I have a lot of friends who have no choice but to work and they are very happy with the arrangements that they have made for their children.

Most of my friends dont have family support and hence have taken help from either a full time maid or the daycare. However, I have had really bad experiences with full time maids so i have ruled out that as an option. I am now looking for a good play school with a day care option for my 21 month old. All i want is for him to be happy in a school from 9 am to 6:30 pm so that I can take up a job.

My suggestion aradhana would be to start working because that' s what you are. And that explains why you are getting irritable. I am just the same, crabby and complaining because I dont have a life of my own. I feel if i get a job I will be a happier person and will cherish my weekends with my little one and hubby.

All the best..

Regards,

Lullu