Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
here's my problem and I don't know where to begin. My mom died when I was very small. Dad never took care of me and I was raised by my mausi (mom's sister). My mausi has two kids. And I was not at all attached to them. They always made me feel like an outsider in the family and that they were doing some kind of obligation to me. Although my mausi had been fine towards me but obviously since I was not her daughter I was always treated differently. Anyway, I got married two years back according to my wish. Nobody supported me but eventually my mausi and mausa had to give in. They said they are ready for this marriage as I am not their daughter (that's why they can't force anything on me). There were tons of problems with my inlaws and my side of the family (mausi-mausa). Last year my hubby and I moved to US, god knows why my inlaws had been mistreating me since the time we moved here. They think their son is working so hard and I am enjoying life here. They also have issues with my mausi-mausa, stating they are not treated well by them. I am so frustrated since my mausi mausa are not my parents how can i expect them to do things for me now. Its not that I got married according to their wish.

Secondly these days my mausi is putting pressure on me to call one of her son to US (sponsor for him). But this cousin of mine is of no good. He had always created problems for me when I was staying with them. Not only this he doesn't have good education also. But my mausi-mausa feel since they did so much for me its my duty to take care of their son. Also that US is a land of opportunities I should find a suitable job for him. I am so confused with my inlaws attitude and also about my mausi too. Friends please tell me what can be done, I am very frustrated and sad! thank you. friend replied. Stop crying and stand on your feet first. Earn for yourself.

You are in a land which is itself a great example of this - where people dont find anything wrong in working in a pizza shop or petrol pump, like most of them do in India.

You will gain lot of confidence, more sense of judgement and a heart to say NO.

As for mausi's son, despite of cousin's behaviour, mausi's irrational demand, impossibilities .. i wd say... see if u can still try for him. Make is clear that you will try but these are the possibilities/chances (and they are v poor), say he has to try extremely hard, say he will hv to earn by himself, and that u wont own the failure if it comes.

U may not be able to get him there, but whatever efforts u do, show it to them. And do the efforts seriously.

At the end of day, mausi has done for u. Atleast u can try repay by doing this bit.

friend anon replied. be selfish for ur own interest. stop worrying about inlaws, mausi, cousins. shilpi replied. Hi di bh,
thanks for your suggestion. Yes I have asked my mausi to send her son on student visa (I told her I myself don't work or own a company to get her son a job, its been just one year since we moved). But her son doesn't want to study. He didn't even complete his BA. They can't afford to send him on their own. They just want me to call him here and get him a job (plus bear all the expenditure for his travel and staying) they want a return for the favors they did for me. di bh replied. hey i am sorry about your mother.You are a brave girl. first of all try to enjoy life when u are far from in laws.Also about your mausi and mausa tell them to send their son on a student visa .In that way he shud be really good to get admission here.Once he comes to US he will be too overwhelmed to ask for help from you. try it.it might work.best of luck.