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Working Mother:Saheli, others, need help
2007-07-23
Name: mumOfTwo



I have been looking on all boards for something on sibling rivalry but havent found anything. My 3 yr old son is not very happy with our new baby who is 6m now. If you have any tips how you handle this please share as I am very tensed.
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2007-07-24
#1
Anonymous Name: Priyanka
Subject:  hi



Try getting your elder one involved and tell him the little one' s his responsibility. Tell him the little one' s HIS! He' ll take care of him more than u do. And try giving the elder one more importance for a while because he must be feeling very neglected. Talk to him everyday about how he feels and try to understand why he feels that way... might help!
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2007-07-23
#2
Anonymous Name: Saheli
Subject:  re:



I guess on this our friends who have 2 kids, and bit grown up, would be able to give better suggestions than me.

Friends, please help mom of 2, if you can.

I am just giving it my try. My kids are younger still. Hope it helps.

Well, we had started preparing our son very early for the new baby. I used to tell him all goods and not-so-goods and all the practical things (i will feed the baby, baby will be with me always and mumma wont be able to give u as much time etc) that will happen when the baby arrives (son 7 yr and daughter 13m). So although he was kinda aware what might happen, he became cranky and moody and short-tempered when the baby arrived.

The kid needed my time and attention and with the new baby I wasnt doing that. I realised that the baby can be handled by someone else at this age, but not the kid. So apart from feeding, I gave a lot of resp to my mom and started giving quality and quantity time to the kid, and also used that to explain him things. At those times, I would feed the kid his meals, and do everything for him (even if he could do it himself).
As the baby grew up, started playing with kid which the kid used to enjoy. But when they were playing together, we made it a point to praise both (sometimes when baby giggles, you praise, and you dont realise kid is watching. So you do a false praise for the elder one too, thus he wont feel left out). Likewise, if I scold my kid for something, i also scold the baby for some other thing. But the baby was too small to realise that so no difference to baby. And the kid felt both are getting same treatment.

Then at times, i used to express to the kid that baby troubles me a lot, oh i get so tired doing things for baby, i am waiting for the time she will learn things from elder bro and be a good child like bhaiya. Kid happy!
Then I would ask the kid (i do it even now), to teach his good habits and manners to the baby so that she becomes a good girl just like her good bhaiya.

At times, i give baby' s resp to the kid and tell others (maid/hubby) that the kid will look after the baby so dont worry, the kid loves his lil sis too much and can take care of baby. All this is drama and hubby knows it. I also ask him to change her nappy and ask him to watch things by which baby may get hurt.

I dont leave any chance to praise the elder one for doing good about little one, and say \" wow, u love ur sis so much?\" and he says proudly \" yes!\" . For e.g. - the kids were sleeping together, the baby was waking up but saw bhaiya besides and went back to sleep. Bhaiya saw this. I immdly praised bhaiya ' see how much she wants you and loves you, bec u love her so much!'

The kid is grown up enugh to understand WHYs behind certain things like why i feed the baby, why baby sleeps with me, etc. I have shown him videos where i hv done same for him, and i also show him other moms, so he understands.

Such and more acts of treating them equally, making him understand, has helped me. Touchwood, I havent faced the problem then and he is v possessive about his lil sis.

Helps? Let me know.

Good luck!
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