Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear friends, I am a working mother with a 4 year old daughter. Basically we both start early in the morning. I drop her at the nursery at 7:30am and start work at 8:00am then finish work between 4/4:30pm and pick her between 5/5:530. As soon as we are at home she takes bath and in the meanwhile I prepare dinner for her. You can imagine after a long day she is too tired to finish her dinner patiently. After all that buzy 11/2 hour at home in the evening she is off to sleep at 7pm. Then is when I start my exercise in the evening - not for too long though as I have other jobs to finish which is preparing for the next day, cook dinner for my husband, clear up the kitchen etc. etc.... Usually my husband comes late from the office. By the time he comes I am completely exhausted but we do spend / talk for atleast 30-45 mins while he finishes his dinner. By then its already 11:00pm and then is when the real struggle starts - his expectations for the evening. Obviously every men wants their wife to be all nice sugar and honey in the bed but after a long tiring day I am not left with much energy. This leads to an argument almost every day. Hand on heart - I do feel its not fair to refuse him. Can anybody help or give me suggestions??? Is it me who is wrong?? Pragati replied. I really appreciate your efforts towards making your married life a success. Personally, I think you really need to sit down and discuss it with her. Please don' t push her into it - this will only lead to more frustration. Every women has some expectations from her patner and I think that' s what you need to discuss with her.

Extra marital is not really a solutions - you will eventually regret it and divorce is really a permanent solutions to a temperary problem. All you are doing is perfect but you also need to make some efforts so that she realizes her importance in your life. May be when you return from work get some flowers / choc. for here (small presents / suprises really help).

Giving birth to a child is a big thing and may be she is still not recovered especially if she is still breastfeeding your daughter. If she is too tired in the night time, may be you could try it first thing in the morning. Staying at home can also be depressing - I understand from your reply that you regularly take her out every weekend. May be she needs to meet people, take your daughter out to mother and toddler groups etc so that she can meet and talk to other mothers. If you live in India then may be hire a good maid to help your wife. Being a mother myself I can understand it could be difficult and tiring to be a full time mother though I work full time but it is more tiring over the weekends for me as with kids its both physical and mental work. Every stage is difficult.

I think every marriage goes through this stage and its a temp. phase.

Take care and look forward to your feedback. Pragati replied. Thanks a lot for the suggestions. I definitely think it makes a lot of sense to cook over the weekend etc.

With regards to my husband getting up in the morning - he is one of those lazy types and takes me atleast 30 mins to wake him up in the morning which means I have to plan my morning in a way that we both don' t get late and he also get up in time and is not late for work.

I definitely appreciate your time and feeback. PR replied. Hi ,
You need to involve your hubby in more activities at home... that way , u will be less exhausted and he will feel more involved in the family...
Ask him to take up some activities..and even if he doesn' t do it well.. he will get practise with time.. X2 replied.
Nopes, you are not wrong.

Couple of suggestions -

You could make 3-4 main dishes on the weekend and not slog every evening making dinner. That way you' ll just have to make roti or rice on the weekdays (even the roti dough stays fresh in the fridge in silver foil).

And since yr husband has enough energy in the evening when he gets back from work, that means he still can get up early the next morning and get yr daughter ready. Ask him to pitch in so that you can get some rest and that way you wont be exhausted at the end of the day.

And lastly, ask him to get a different job that does not require him to be in office so late. Coming home at 10 pm or so everyday is not good for family life!! aditi replied. appoint a cook or maid for evening food and ask him to do preparation for morning also.
Stop trying to be a super-woman!!