Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi
I am very new to the group. hi everybody . Wanted to share my probl;ems with you ppl. i am very worried and thinking i am losing my identity slowly after marriage. i am married for one year . mine is a love marriage my husband is a marwari and we were classmates.i am a bengali and initially there were lots of problems as my inlaws were not very willing but finally they agreed. now i am facing so many problems as i was a hardcore non veg but as they are veg he has forced to make me veg which may be out of love i agreed but nowadays i feel bad that why he is so staunch abt me . my inlaws stay in delhi and i am in blore. i think every human being has the right to atleast eat accor to the preference.bcos i dnt stop him or force him to eat anything against his choice. now i am pregnant and i feel tyo eat eggs or chicken but cant eat and feel sad abt it. my inlaws also dnt understand tht i am from a diff community and they want me to a trad baniya bahu.
this is causing problems. i feel sad and depressed . i cant tell him abt this bcos whenever we talked abt it we landed up in lots of shuffle. so i prefer keeping quiet. i dnt know how much i have been able to tell u ppl but there are lots of other problems .will tell u some time other. please help me out guys....... sonu replied. hi bonny,

its ok bonny ... i m also bengali married to gujarti guy 4 yrs ago.initially i left eating nonveg after we started dating so now no problem at all .there was also lots of problems with my MIL during our marriage n till 2 yrs of it ...but now its totally good.i had totally adapted his culture.from cooking , clothing, language, looks everything...

dear bonny u had dont love marriage n in every marriages we ladies have to compromise or adjust sometimes.its not like ur hubby dont understand u but u both had married against ur parents wishes so now prove it urself that ur marriage to each other was best in this world.

Dont worry bonny day by day it will be ok.think abt his parents side also.they also desired to get same caste bahu but landed with inter caste bahu so there will be little hindrances between u all.

i was also hardcore nonveggie.n fish was everyday for me but now i cannot stand fish smell.really bonny.u wont believe it .even in my mom's house they cook my food b4 they cook their food.its everything perfect now.

Take ur own time n be dont be depress.it will effect baby.

take care
sonu k.radha replied. I am a firm believer that when pregnant, if our body seems to be craving something, it is often something we need. Chicken? Eggs? They both contain a lot of protein I believe and so I would assume, in your position, that my body is in need of extra protein and would give it.

Do not feel bad, it is wonderful that you've made big efforts to accomodate your husbands dietry preferences and even followed them yourself but if you explain that the things you're craving are possibly 'needs' than he will surely understand. Perhaps you could eat such foods when he is not at home if he prefers but I suggest you sit down and talk with him about this.

It is always a struggle to conform to married life while trying to remain the person you are. We make compromises out of love, need and want but we must always wonder \";am I loosing myself?\"; One year of marriage is still early enough for the learning process to not yet have finished. It has been said that you need to live with a person for 2 years to truly know them. Remember marriage is a two lane street, there must be give and take on both sides. All the best Vinnie Flower replied. Hello there. I wish you lived in the USA so we can talk on the phone together and spend time together getting advice about both of our situations. How come almost everybody here lives in India. I think the best way to give advice is on the phone not on email. It is hard on email because it is hard to write everything.

I wish you had waited more then 1 year to not be pregnant. You should have gotten to know him better before you decided to have a child with him.

I am sorry you are losing your identity too. Many of us lose our prior identity when we get married. And the person we are and the life we have when we are married consumes us, and we become different people, and we become who we will be for the rest of our lives. That is why it is so important not to overlook anything when we are seeking a suitable partner, not even eating habits.

Can you go visit your mom's house and eat meat there? Or a friend's house?