Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

All these problems that we women today suffer is becuase of our husbands.
Our husbands are to blame!

Our husbands should stand up to their parents. Asian mothers have a problem of letting go of their sons. When their sons get married, they feel deeply insecure. They start rivalry with their DILs. When they see that their DIL is better than themselves, problems start.
The moment a guy decides he wants to get married, he needs to detach himself from his mother. Fathers are sometimes not so bad. They usually act under the influence of MILs.
To all girls out there, my advice is that before getting married, clarify with your partner that you will need to have a separate house.
This will not only give you your space etc but also keep the relationship sweet etc between you and your in-laws.
Usually things will be hunky dory the first 6-12 months of the marriage then problems will start. You need to be living separate from day one.
If your husband wishes you to maintain a good relationship with his parents then he will make such arrangements otherwise living together initially and then moving out on bad terms will permanently damage your relationship.
Of course like your own parents, they are your husband's parents and you want no problems between them.
For those that who are already living separately and still getting stress from in-laws and SILs, well tell them to F*** off and if your husband does not stand up for you, then you do it yourself.
And never ever tolerate violence from your partner!!!!!

All the best. Ga replied. I can' t agree with you more. Sometimes i don' t understand what do these indian men have with their mothers? I sometimes wonder are white men like them too or orientals?
I live in the U.S and i have realized one thing that white men treat their wives like wives or like humans and not like doormats. White men would actually stick up for wifes where as there counterpart indians are nothing but slaves to thier parents. I really don' t know what indian mother in laws problem is. My husbands mother came down here and she would tell him what time to get up and what to do.
I was really depressed before visiting this website. I think i would have committed suicide by now. Just visiting this website has really helped
me pull my self out of this problem with in laws. Sometimes i wonder that they have been so close to their mother, then what do they need wives for? I really thought that i was the only who was going through this misery, but after visiting this website, thank god! i figured out i am not the only one.

When he calls his parents everyday, i just wanna plug my ears or go in the other room. I hate them!
Being raised in Canada, i do realize that we do need to respect our parents but, that does not allow them to walk all over us.

Now when my husband goes to india to meet his parents, i am not going. I can' t watch him play to her tunes and avoid me like i don' t exist. I don' t understand why they can' t go of thier mothers! Is it just a trend in india or is it common around the world. I found it very common back there in India. I also believe that it is the husband' s fault why the parents are mean.
mitra replied. i agree that most asian men are glued to the families, and may be mama's boys.

but i think the trend in big cities is changing. in metro cities, i see corporate couples staying separately, with working wife and kids being taken care by maids or on creche.

i believe that a family where boy's parents stay with son and DIL is a right system. May not be working practically as expected, but yes, it is the right mix.

educated men and women today also find their husband's supporting them. Many Hubby's of today understand the trauma of having nagging MILs.

With such educated husbands with us, i think we educated women should think about the parents too. They are our responsibility and not burdens.

Many of you must be mothers. Are your children not cranky and behave against your sishes many times?

I believe most of the problems are because of EGO.

I think -if a thoughtful husband and wofe staying with inlaws - have clear discussion with inlaws, decide clearly the rules, roles and resposibilities - and leave it to parents that \";they will have to agree the rules of the family\"; else they have the option open - then it might work out.

I agree that if the husband takes a strong stand, issues might resolve.

Yes, a little bit of sufferring might still exist, but thats life.

i know i am asking for a very ideal situation - but can come true after many years if educated people like you and me start the trend today and pass on to our children.

But breaking off with inlaws because that relationship is not working - and spreading this trend - is not the right option i think.

Now - one thing i want to make clear here is - there are women being tortured and troubled by inlaws and i would definitely suggest separation from them in such cases.

But where the trouble is manageable- may be just EGO issues, lets at least think once to adjust. Friend replied. I agree with S R fully.
I have been married to a man who is such a mamma's boy and iam being burnt in the relation ship of wife/DIL
My husband just wants to play safe and be good with both of us.now I know true colors of my husband and I dont respect him anymore
he is just a living being in my eyes
why are men such creatures??? huh!!!


supporter replied. Hi ,
I totally agree with ur views bcoz i had already experience all these troubles in my life. In my opinion, a typical indian husband's attitude depends Entirely on his mother(i.e. ur Mother-in-law's ) point of view towards u. No matter how much good u r, or how much u love ur husband , ur husband will not be satisfied untill and unless ur MIL is satisfied. Since girls are emotional fools and boys are actually clever, girls bear all exploitation from in-laws just for the sake of keeping their in-laws happy.
Be VERY CAREFULL AND WISE WHILE CHOOSING UR HUSBAND.
BCOZ NO REGRESSION LATER.
BEST OF LUCK.