Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All

I am the mother of a 22 month old son. I have just joined a s/w company after taking a 2 year break. My son goes to a daycare twice a week and stays with a helper 3 days. Here is my problem - I have recently been assigned to a team where there are no women with kids. Everybody in the team tends to work late till 8 PM everyday. In fact, one of them told me that that's the only way to feel a part of the team. Now, this is my first week in a new job and I really want to do well. But leaving a 2 year old alone from morning 9 to evening 8 is simply not acceptable. How do I deal with this situation with my manager and the rest of the team without appearing unprofessional? Official timings are 8.45 to 5.15 and I try my best to stick to them. Please help!! I am in a REAL dilemma!! :-( sahe replied. your comp close to home and has an on-site daycare center where u can bring ur son!!!

wow ...
slurp ..

mind telling which comp do u work for?

i wd also like to apply!!! sahe replied. found 2 links
they are good reads for info...

http://www.indiaparenting.com/boards/showmessage.cgi?messageid=1116&table_name=dis_milestones

http://www.indiaparenting.com/boards/showmessage.cgi?messageid=1075&table_name=dis_milestones sahe replied. Dont know about IBM but if u read ur Q again ... u will find answer lies within :)

well i wd follow some rule of thumb for the place i want to work with

- looking at earning more (and more) money for family is something i hv given to hubby. So though i wd look for other factors while joining a new company, But i wd certainly NOT settle for lesser pay unless the situation leaves u with no options

- kid is my primary responsibility than hubby's ... so i wd prefer location as closer to my house as possible.
Travelling 30-40 kms (if thats what u mean to say) then its definitely a no-no

- if the new offer i am getting is better in terms of pay, working env and profile, then i might compromise on day-care's proximity since daycare's can be changed / kid will soon go to layschool and then school so kid's schedule is bound to change in future but company is something i wd like to stick to for yrs

- changing comp when my concentration is on kid is something i wd avoid. Remember that first 6m in a new org will be probation period for u, so u wd need to give best performance, min leaves/offs. The current comp might consider this.

I had red a post on managing maids some days back. Will search and post the link for u.

BTW
whats saheli? U just callin me as a friend or u think my name is saheli?
My actual name is Sahena. sahe replied. Why sapient? many companies are like that. Atleast mine is and i am not in Sapient.

I am in a similar job as yours and have 2 kids. Needless to say, i hv been thru this and you are quite right in what u hv said.

Some tricks and tips that worked for me. It did not resolve the problem 100%, but for those who refused to undstd situation, i drew lines.

I m sure you also know that is is not possible for u to go home at 5 15 for all days. Some days in week u will hv to give, and u shd give.

- always talk professionally, politely

- first make ur side safe. Arrange for maid such that if u r late, she can take care of kid

- Work till 8pm for first few days and use these to build a strong and friendly relationship with your team.
Use same mgmt techniques ... Share their issues, join them on lunch, crack jokes and be friendly so as to ease out tension betn manager and teammembers.

- Start building the trend that no one stays beyond 5 15 unless really needed. Dont mention anything abt ur time limits. Encourage them to plan their tasks, help them planning their day, so that they all leave ASAP after 5 15. Let them feel good that u value their time.

Some bachelors like to pass time and work in late evenings. Discourage this. Take leadership's help to talk to team why that is discouraged, and how it impacts others' dependencies and delays the tasks.

- Seek opportunities to casually/informally tell them how it is difficult for a mom being at work till late

- when team bonding is set, formally tell them abt ur problem and why it is imp for u to go. Dont leave open loops ... that is ... what after u go? Address all open points and set up a communication channel/process (or any other process ur proj needs, ex escalation channel, SMEs or Point of contact, issue and dependency tracker, daily check by you every morng with team) to be followed in your presence as well as absence. Closing open loops like For ex that \" i will check status on phone, u can contact me on phone, i will check mails from home at such and such time, drop your status mails, bla bla).

- You will also realise that some bachelors are 'soft places'... that is, they can understd situation if u explain. Hit those points. Take them into confidence and tell them ur situation. These people will inturn tell rest teammates.

- Build your backup TL. communicate abt him to team. Close it with PM that this is the case and this is what u think we shd be doing.

- Share this with your onsite team/Leadership as well and address any need-be's

- Gradually start setting expectations that u will be gone by 5 15 but u r available on phone etc.

- Start leaving on time 2-3 times a week so that team slowly accepts the situation. Make sure to call back from home and check status so that they are not free birds after u leave.

- Take status regularly one-on-one with backup TL. If u give him importance and respect, he will make sure people dont wander behind u and tell u concerns (rather than being one with team and against u)

Apart from above, see if u can work from home in evenings. Req ur leadership to provide this facitity.

Basically, I dont agree to compromising with kids for such issues. Team members are grown up not kids, so they shd understand ,, but unfortunaltely ... the young blood doesnt undstd ....
Today they dont undstd but tomorrow they will also hv kids and go thru same. Some adjustment is ok, but for always, they shd understand. And for those who dont understand/accept ... well... remember you are the TL and u r not doing anything against rules.

hope this helps shaila replied. .. working with Sapient?

just felt.