Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

i am 24,muslim female.girls i have been reading the forums here for sometime now.
i am in a situation where i have to choose between my life and duty.i say this because i am married to a wonderful man.he is an occupation therapist,loves me and my baby to bits.he thinks i am the most beautiful girl on earth.he listens to me,cares for me and is in everyway a good human being.we got married when i was very young.it was an arranged match.i was never in love with my husband.but then i did'nt know what love is all about.i liked a guy in college but that was more like a crush.once married we had a lovely child.but i never felt like he was the one.the prince charming.the decription of handsome for me was totally different.we joined site called naseeb to make more friends around usa.i put my picture up n so did my hubby abbas.
the next day itself i started getting mails from male admirers and even females.everyone was like u r so beautiful and stuff.some even told me that i should start modelling and one man also says if i ever leave my husband he would marry me. a couple of them told me that my husband was not good looking.
it is NOT because of this site but basically i have always felt so.i hate to admit that i always feel i could've done better,had i waited. i am young and often think about leaving. my husband is a gem of a person,but he not funny,handsome or smart.many of you here might think i am so cruel to say all this. i am an event planner and i meet handsome guys everyday and all of them seem besotted by me. and here at home i have a husband who is overweight,does not talk well,looks years older than me and is not into anything that i am into.should i get up and just leave.i have read some other similar queries on this site and elsewhere and i the replies were all similar.that the girl should stay.i want to admit to you that i hate getting physically intimate with him.i have to prepare myself for that also.
i look at other girls not half as good as me with guys who r smart and good looking and this burns my heart.
what should i do now? i know that many of u will tell me to choose duty over life. i want to say that finacially there would be no problems even if i leave.i know for the sake of my daughter i should not think of all this.but i think we can manage that too if such a situation arises.
i have one life and want to live it to the fullest.everyone thinks we r a happy couple,mis-matched but happy,but i am not.he is.but i am not happy.i feel very very guilty to leave him in fact i wish he was a bad abusive man so that would make my decison easier.but he is not .he is a lovely man.are all other marriages also unhappy? i mean the ones that look so good from outside? i know many would say what if i had a great looking hubby who ill treated me.but come on why would i have that of all people? i mean i have friends who have handsome loving husbands too.i don't know what i am asking anymore.please reply.
SINCE DESPERATE SITUATIONS CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES I AM POSTING MY PIC FOR ALL TO SEE AND LET ME KNOW THE MOST HONEST OPInION ABOUT WHAT YOU ALL THINK ABOUT ME AND ABOUT HIM AND ABOUT US AS A COUPLE STRICTLY LOOKSWISE.
plz girls go to the site naseeb dot com and i have made a false id for all of u to enter and look at our pics.i know that nobody i know is on this forum so i think it is safe for me.
when u go to naseeb website just type the following username and password.
USERNAME:sania2005
password:justbehappy
once u're in on top you will see a search a username search
in that just type beeno786 and u will see my pics
u see one pic and u can go click on it to see more .below are many testimonials from friends and i want you to read them too.
in the testimonials you will see abz786 thatz my husband.click on his pic and u will reach his profile and pics.my lovely daughter's pics are there too.after u r done u can have a look at my brother and sisters profile which is again in my testimonial area.the last 2 are my sister mariam and last one is my brother.he is very handsome and i wanted a husband as smart and handsome as he is.
anyways sisters,i have welcomed you into my life,made an id for u all to enter and give honest opinions and this shows that i trust you all very much.i will wait for your replies.i will have to deactivate and make my pictures unavailable after a while because there could be other people we don;t know coming on this site later.so please see them quick and give me your advice.u can even email me on beenolovely at yahoo do com
my name is beeno and husband is abbas and we've a lovely daughter zaina.
thank you for reading my problem and hope to get replies beeno replied. thanks a lot friends for your advice.
the advices you have given have really made me think and now i feel a how superficial it was of me to think the way i did.i really do love my husband and it is actually the little things that bother me.like u'll said i should see the big picture,that i have a loving husband nd zaina has a doting father and not the insignificant things in life.after reading your replies i feel very much encouraged to try and make my marriage work.
Dharma your advice is very touching and sensible,thank u so much for writing as if u r advicing a sister or a close friend.i am definitely thinking quite differently now but i'm planning to take him to ulta for little sprucing up;)....i guess the vanity in me will take some time to completely go away
i will keep in touch with all of u through this wonderful forum.
take care friends,
beeno.
P.S. I am sorry i've had to deactivate my website bcoz our reema was upto a lot of mischief there. adviser replied. There is more to life than looks. BTW, ur husbankd looks good. He neeeds to be in shape and some extra work like all other readers say will help,like clothes and hiarstyle.
And the website u mentioned, do u think th eguys who are syong u r hot mama, will love you for who u r??? These sites are used by guys to masturbate in the nite when they don't have anything interesting to do. Please don't make urself a sex object and don't ruin ur life by listeing to such comments. U r pretty no doubt, but after few yrs when u r old and ugly, u will regret leaving a sweet caringhusband, and ur daughter will never have a happy family again.. Dharma replied.
Hi,

I read your post and saw both yours and your husband's pictures. I think you truly beleive you are better looking than him so I will leave your feelings at that. In my opinion, your husband is goodlooking. His pictures with your daughter are adorable. I like the guy from looking at pictures itself as for me a devoted dad is very attractive.( I am happily married and my views are objective) Now when I am writing this reply I do NOT intend to be condescending towards you. I am writing about my situation so that you can see my situation and maybe that'll give you some perspective.

I am 5'6'' dusky complexioned, pretty features, great hair and in great shape. Mostplaces I go, I am admired for my looks. I married a guy who's average looking by anyone else's standards but I think he is a walking greek god. You know why, he adores me, he cares about the real me, my feelings, my aspirations, my beleifs, is a wonderful partner, a compassionate person and most importantly an awesome dad. He too started putting on weight after 3 years of our marriage. What did I do? I talked him, helped him choose an activity and he got back in control. Unattractiveness in the bedroom is a two way street.It's not only physical despite what many think. To be attracted to someone your mind has to be stimulated and a fit body is very attractive. And come on, I saw his pics, he's definitely not badlooking. He's an average guy who needs sprucing up. Guys are not as conscious as we are about looks. And think if you got a self-obssesed guy you would hate it. My guy couldn't care less how he looked. He looked jhalla before marriage in comparision to what he looks like now. I shop sexy, smart clothes for him. You are in the US, making enough money.Motivate him to join a gym, go with him if that helps. Guys get hooked to weight training very fast and once he gets all those muscles, you'll love him in bed ;)

Shops for him at stores that carry hip clothes, like Express or Kohls or soemthing. Take him to Ulta to get a change of hairstyle.

Listen it's very easy to give a guy an external makeover. It's the internal that you cannot change.If you have a guy you like 75% don't dump him, help him change his 25%. And lastly on a realist's note you are 24 today you won't be 24 for the rest of your life. Learn the art of appreciating the things that really matter in life. Beauty is ephemeral and is something that can be changed to make your life more happier. Character on the other hand is hard to change. rr replied. Dear,
I am shocked reading your post.I think you have to grow up dear.Think rationally.

As friend says,grass is always greener on the other side.Thank God tht he has given you a loving husband and a beautiful daughter.If you have been reading the posts in this forum, did u come accross girls who write tht their husbands are not understanding, affectionate etc.I always feel sad when i read posts like tht.

Just think ,having an unhappy life with a handsome man.Ppl who see your picture in tht website say you are beautiful..looking at your appearance-fine.Those men look for physical beauty only...Stop visiting that website and keep yourself away from temptation.
To be jealous of what your friends have will only hurt you. Find a way to make yourself happy, so that you enjoy your own life, instead of lusting after the lives of others.Stop Envying!

Don't crave for what you dont't have, but be contented with what you have.Life is not just focussing on this-handsome,beautiful.There's more to it. Change your attitude and think positive.Start to love your husband more.You plan a diet chart and fix goals and help him lose weight.Being overweight is common these days..You don't have to feel ashamed of that.It's not healthy-tht's it.So, instead of telling your husband that he has to lose weight to look good,say its to have a healthy body.You are beautiful so u will feel superior to him..Don't make him feel inferior and don't look down on him.Admire all his good qualities and boost his self-confidence..This will enhance his looks..

Think about your future-like instead of leaving a GEM for SOME HANDSOME guy(whom u don not know )and spoiling your life and Zaina's life..why not be happy with what you have.I hope you will think well and make the right decision..Don't waste your life in haste.

Bye

a friend replied. hello beeno,

I am really shocked to see your post. Well i would suggest you to try to be happy with what you have. U should think urself lucky to have such a loving and caring husband. All people are not that lucky. u are blessed by God so try to make out as much as u can from WHAT YOU HAVE IN LIFE don't run after WHAT IS JUST UR MERE FANTASY. u are just seeing one side of that situation. so try to be happy and just don't spoil you and two other life. you are a mother so need to behave more responsible now, dear

see the grass is always green the other side, u don't know what is the meaning of having a person who is good looking but not loving and understanding.

If ur husband is not dat good lookign try to put some effort to change him and look better. Ask him u how much u love to see him slim and handsome with stylish cloths and all. U CAN CHANGE HIM THIS WAY AND LOOK BETTER.

u are just concentrating on the outer looks but life is too long to be based on just looks of a person. A handsome person may not be a lifelong mate and companion and u need A COMPANION IN LIFE TO SPEND UR LIFE WITH NOT A GOOD LOOKING FACE. SO PLS THINK TWICE.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH RIGHT DECISION. jUST TELL ME WHAT if you leave ur present life and move on with some good looking person and may be one day u come up to thsi forum and say

NOW I HAVE GOOD LOOKING PERSON BUT HE DOEN'T LUV ME, JUST USES MY BODY AND CURSES ME SCOLDS ME EVERYTIME AND HAVE NO CONCERN ON HOW I FEEL ABT CERTAIN THINGS. WHAT WILL U DO THEN. DO U THNK U CAN LIVE UR LIFE WITH SUCH A PERSON FOR WHOM U WILL BE JUST A BODY AND HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY OTHER QUALITIES LIKE your present hubby have. Sorry to say bt LIFE WILL BE HELL FOR YOU THEN. So think positive and make your life +ve with whatever u have.

life is not abt giving up. its abt fights with the present situations and make it live to the fullest. DON'T GIVE UP BUT TRY TO TAKE OUT +VE THINGS OUT OF -VE THINGS AND THEY WILL EMPOWER OVER YOUR LIFE.

GOD BLESS. DON'T SPOIL UR LIFE.

take care
a well wisher