Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I am a mother of 2. my older child is 5 now. recently I found out that all her behaviour problems attribute to having low self-esteem. I am very upset over it. how can I help her boost up her self-esteem. she is very loud and talks too much at public places. she talks back to me all the time. she wants to spend all her time with her friends and recently i found out that she also hits young children. We use to spank her until a few years ago. I think that's because that is the only way i knew to keep hold of the children. I regret every day that i raised my hands to her. I make it a point not to hurt her physically. I only try to take away her toys and tv time etc. whenever I do so she starts saying she is a bad girl and that she wants to go back to the sky where god is. This hurts me deeply. I am overwhelmed with motherhood. can somebody help me. I know my child is a sweet, kind girl but how can i discipline her without making her lose her self-esteem? Aliyah replied. Regardless of whether she really does have self esteem problems, it's important to be firm yet gentle. You are right to not hit her any more, but don't blame yourself for this -- many children are spanked and even though it's better not to, it isn't so bad. Rather than focusing always on disciplining her, make sure you compliment her and encourage her when she is doing good things. Reward her with extra time for tv, more time with her friends, or making her favorite food by surprise. Make sure you tell her you love her & try not to cry when she tells you things like she wants to go back to God. Find out what she likes to do & make a point of doing that type of thing (maybe watching a movie or playing a game?) just you & her. If you set aside one evening each week, the same time & day no exceptions, she'll learn that there is a time & place for friends, but she won't complain eventually to spend time at home with you. It's normal though. I used to be like that I know it was because I was insecure & felt like no one liked me & because other kids were mean I ended up being mean to younger kids. Make sure her friends are good people who treat her with respect. I ended up ok but still have low self esteem from the other kids. If she cries alot and seems sad, give her lots of hugs & tell her you love her alot, but also maybe take her to see a counselor because sometimes there are things she might not want to tell you, like if she is bullied or something scares her. There are many things. It is a very good sign though that you are concerened enough to bring this up. I know it will work out. If you have more worries, be sure to talk to others about them. With children nothing is easy & nothing is too unimportant to ask for advice or help. You are doing your best and she will come to sense that, and it will make her feel happy & cared for. vs replied. Low esteem is the result of chronic scolding and insulting which I am sure you are not doing. Please don't go too much into these articles on self esteem. Sometimes they give you a wrong picture. Don't hurt her physically and tell her firmly that hiting other children is wrong. Otherwise ignore the talks about going to God because in a subtle way she is just emotionally blackmailing you. My son also tells me he will go to another house when I reprimand him but has now stopped saying this becauseit has no effect on me. Be firm yet loving and everything will be fine.