Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

i,

I want to ask ur opinion on something which has been bothering me & affecting our married life for a very long time. I am 31 yrs old & hv been married for nearly 8 yrs. It was a love marriage .. my husband was my senior in MBA college. I have a boy who is 1 year old. We had our baby late for 2 reasons first we were not mentally ready for a child & later coz we were unable to have. Finally God smiled on ous & my darling came into our lives. I hv done my MBA & hv worked for nearly 6 yrs till my baby was born.

The problem which i face is that my husband is physically unattractive .. he was plump even when i married him but over the

yrs he has let himself go so much that he now weighs 125kgs!! He is 5.10 in height. I guess i am also to blame .. its not that we eat a lot of fatty food it sjust that he doesnt exercise at all ... is LAZY to the core .. cant & wont do anytime of physical activity .. even if he starts something .. gives it up in 2 weeks as its too much effort .. his health is otherwise ok as we test regularly for cholestrol etc.

I too hv put on 10 kgs & am now 68 after dlvy so i cant say that i am very attractive myself nopw but when we married i was verry slim & attractive & that was one big reason i know for our marriage.

He wants to hv sex regularly but i feel so put off by his weight that i cant bring myself to even think abt it .. he feels that & gets hurt & is put off .. we hv ZERO sex life so to speak of .. weeks/months go without us having sex .. i want to hv sex with my husband but his weight is off putting .. he is otherwise a loving man ... its just that he is physically unattractive .. i dont want a he man or a hero .. just a normal man to hold .. hugging him is difficult .. when he gets on top of me i feel crushed .. when i am on top .. my legs are so wide spread its painful .. no pleasure at all ...when i point this out to him .. he feels hurt & withdraws emotionally too BUT still wont do anything abt his weight .. THAT drives me crazy .. its been 8 yrs of marriage but till date i have not had 1 enjoyable intercourse .. i dont know what an orgasm is which i read 7 hear about.

Can anyone tell me what to do? And please can the Cheap Charlies refrain from replying whose suggestion wld that they wld offer their free stud services!! I DONT WANT THEM . i want my husband ... Pls help me :-(

Thanks

PP namrata replied. hi
I know u must b trying ur best.Atleast stop all fatty diet he has been eating.stop his fried/fatty foods..just cook most of stuff in microwave or nonstick.ofcourse gym n all will definitely help but to give a start u can concentrate on changing the eating habits slowly.If poosible,join yoga. cd replied. 125 kgs CANNOT be healthy..
so even the cholestrol doesnt show, its probably just a few more years before ailments start setting in.

So you have gotta act fast.

Hope i ma helping you.
cd replied. I liked your last lines! Must say you still have your wit intact! good for you!

explain to him teh importance of being phsically fit.

Why you both join a gym?

we owe it to our partners to be fit and healthy looking..dont you think so?ask him would he like it if you became superobese?

once you are both on the same page and he doesnt take your crticism(for want of a better word) negatively set achievable plans.

its isnt too hard, once you set your mind to it.

Most of our obeseness si what you eat. get good books, be inspired and be partners to each other in this self improvement program.. advisor replied. Hi
Try not to put him down by saying you are unattractive. Think if he says that to you won't you be hurt. Instead make a plan and come up with a time-table so that you both can do something to reduce wait. Both of you can jog together/ go to the gym to gether. Tell him that you are concerned about both of your weight. Tell him that you love him and are worried about his health. do you know how many people in their youth are diabetic and have cholestrol problems these days. Atleast for health reasons you must follow diet and exercise. It will also set a good example for your child. Hang in there. After all for women atleast love making is more emotional than physical isn't it?
hth jenni replied. I have been married(love) for 5 years now. we have one son and expecting another in july. My hubby too was slim, handsome but now is 25 pounds overweight, no interest in keeping fit.
what happens is as responsiblities in life increases personal grooming and taking care of ones appearances goes down on priority list.

Infact my hubby has hardly any interest in sex. that doesnt mean he has no love for me anymore.

maybe just try to subtly tell him lets go walking together early in the morning or go to gym, aerobics together etc and try to eat healthy food etc if you are hellbent on having a goodlooking hubby. Just dont nag him and make him feel guilty about it.

You can always fantasize while having sex thats a great way to feel good.

HTH