Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
My husbands brother is very friendly to me and he is very kind and nice by nature (he treats me just like his sister). But his wife (i.e. my co-sister) is a pain. She always tries to hurt my feelings and she does it purposely in front of her husband such that I get in some kinds of arguments with her and she can show it to her hubby that his brother's wife is nothing but quarrelling kind. I have tried avoiding most of her remarks and have stopped talking to her that often in order not to get involved in any arguments. When my BIL calls up I talk to him but not a lot as his wife doesn't like that also that I talk to him for longer. But the problem is she is always trying to poison his (my BIL's) mind against me and I have noticed it many times when my BIL unintentionally mentions certain things. I have told all this to my husband also, he knows that his sil has problems still doesn't talk it out to his brother. My husband feels that I should try to maintain my relationships with my co-sister. But I am finding it very difficult. I just don't feel like talking to her. I just don't feel like interacting with her and my BIL sometimes insists why I don't talk to her that often. (We don't stay together in the same house but I just keep pondering about her harsh remarks and how she has mistreated me.).
Is there any kind of a diplomatic way, such that my BIL doesn't feel negative about me and I don't have to talk to this lady also? Leo replied. Keep this Golden rule for your life.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your CONSENT.

So Ignore anybody and everybody who hurts you and make them feel that you dont care about any damn thing.

Dont discuss things with your husband that can bring unhappy moments in your SWEET HOME. augustborn replied. And you are welcome to join our group if you want....

Cheers! augustborn replied. I just wrote a huge reply to you and this stupid site ate it away...

Anyways...let me start again
1. You dont have to take crap from your Co-Sil. Whenever, she tries to insult you with direct or indirect comments, just speak plainly to her...Trust me, there is nothing better than plain speaking. Ask her what she meant by her remark and then leave her to explain...Next time, she will be careful with her speech...
2. Regarding your BIL asking about why you dont speak to his wife, I understood from your message that you did. Anyways, whenever such issue come up, just show surprise and say thats not true...you both keep in touch inspite of the busy schedule/you both have been busy/laugh it away....

Leave them both to solve their own issues and insecurities. Dont trouble yourself over this lady, just make sure that your conduct is not mis-interpreted by her...

Cheers! augustborn replied. Dear Dil02
It seems that your BIL has great regard and affection for you and maybe he praises you a lot infront of his wife. Since he has such a high opinion of you, it may be possible that he wants his wife to be more like you which as a woman your Co-SIL is resenting. Out of no fault of yours, you have become a victim of her jealousy and insecurity.
As a woman, you will understand her turmoil. By belittling you she is not gaining anything, only losing respect in your eyes and possibly others too feel the same.

It would be in the interest of your BIL's married life,
1. If your interaction with your BIL on a one to one basis was minimum. Meet him socially and be yourself. If his wife doesn't like your interaction with him, let her wishes prevail. Afterall, he has to live with her.
2. Discuss this with your husband, explain to him why you need to keep your distance from his brothers family. He too will support and admire you for your concern for his brothers happy married life.
3. You will be at peace with yourself for doing all you could for not being a cause of dissent in your BIL's married life...
4. You certainly dont have to take any crap from your Co-SIL. If inspite of your good intentions she continues to misbehave with you, you need to put her in her place...

Best of luck...