Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hey ppl,

i need help,
i m married since past 7 months,
since the first day of our marriage my hubby was always and continuously making sure that i should be a good dil and talk to his parents whole day, and so after our marrigae for first 20 days we were in india and all those days he did not take care of my emotional needs, not even for 5 min he sat and spoke to me, only reason is that his parents should not feel that he is on my side, never asked me was i happy or m i feeling insecure, now we are in US, and even here he is not emotionaly attached to me,and always behind his job job and job works late night, by that time i will be fed up of sitting alone whole days so i go to sleep, and during weekends we do nothing other day every week grocery shopping, and he does not have time for shopping for anything, some few trips in US but i did not like it coz he always used to loose temper on me for silly things, and he does not like to talk to me, but i like talking too much,
sometimes i dont talk to me also,

tell me august born u said always u make sure that u go to bed by solving the matter how is it possible, coz in my case most of the cases we never do that and it continues for 4-5 days at a streach, i m fed up of this married life flower replied. hi jjj

try to take up some hobbies instead of sitting alone at home. join a nearby library(most of the indian girls do it when they are new here + you can make some friends there too). go to the gym or go for a walk everyday. do some exercises.
make friends with some of his friends' wives and keep contacts on the phone if you can't go.
i guess there is communication prob among you. just tell him things clearly and calmly. don't sound as if you are complaining or fighting. and lastly, don't ever expect ur hubby to understand needs(emotional/material) by himself. most men don't. u have to tell them.
do small things to show him you love him everyday(write notes, call him,..). and don't stretch any argument for that long. always end it that day itself. augustborn replied. I am so sorry that you are sad.This is the time when you should be enjoying your new married life...

OK now here's the thing...
You have come to US right after your marriage. You must be missing your folks a lot and add to that the near stagnant social life we have here(not all), your husband's heavy workload adds fuel to fire...its very easy and genuine to get depressed. One starts feeling terribly neglected. Last month, my husband was working even weekends, I felt so neglected(and I hv been married 3 yrs)...
In your case, it will take time for your husband to develop that special bond with you...the first two yrs of marriage are very crucial.
1. Give him a kiss when he comes back from work.
2. If hes working late, stay in the same room - read a book you enjoy just to keep him company till hes done.
3. Communicate with him...have you told him how you feel(donot give an impression that its a complaint coz then he will become defensive). See how he responds...
4. Tell him you would like to go to the mall, do some shopping or for coffee to starbucks. I would use some endearments in the prefix or suffix...:)
5. Forget about how he behaved in front of his parents, thats a separate issue. Almost all Indian men suffer from 'shravan-kumar' syndrome. Not that its wrong to love your parents but they have a twisted notion that
Neglect of wife infront of parents=Respect and love for parents...:)
Luckily you are not in India, so your battle is easy.

Dont lose heart, all of us go through these difficult times. You are feeling more depressed as you are away from India and there is not much to take your mind off the problem.
Have you joined a library, made new friends, applied for a drivers license...if you have a work permit, do go out and work, you will feel much better...
And GOOD NEWS...you can always talk to all of us here...coz we are here for you :)