The dowry system is so deeply rooted in Indian culture, that sometimes one feels that there's going to be no way out - at least not for another century.
Even modern, well-educated families start saving up money for their daughter's dowry as soon as she is born, so what can one expect from the uneducated masses, whose only form of education is tradition?
When demands for dowry are not met, the bride is subject to torture, and often even killed. The reason many parents don't want to have daughters is because of the dowry they will have to shell out at her marriage, and the stress they go through due to never ending demands from her in-laws.
Dowry is an evil, evil system and all of us, at some level, condone it and even contribute to it.
Often the boys parents don't demand dowry, but our culture is such that we feel we must give something to the in-laws. In such cases, give as much as you receive. When you go out of your way because you are the parents of the girl, you are contributing to this evil.
Come festivals like Diwali or Holi, and the parents
of the daughter flood her in-laws with gifts. If gifts are expected -
your daughter is married into the wrong family. If such giving is
self-inflicted, you're making a mistake. Give a token present to your
daughter. If you want to give her something more, do so, but don't feel
pressured to give anything more than you receive to her in-laws. You
don't need to if your daughter is happily married and has a supportive
husband - so DON'T.
Educate your daughters
An astounding number of parents
still don't lay enough emphasis on educating their daughters. They
believe their daughters will get married eventually, and husbands will
support them, so why push them so hard? Poorer sections of society
would rather send their daughters out to work and earn some money, to
help them save up for her dowry.
Those from regular middle and upper class backgrounds do send their
daughters to school, but don't emphasise career options. They view education as a rite of passage. If their daughters do well, it's something to brag about at kitty parties.
Similarly, very wealthy parents will happily support their daughters until they get married. Because of the family status and their ability to fork out a high dowry, they know they will get good matches for their daughter, and don't take their daughters education very seriously.
Get serious about your daughter's education. Encourage her to have a career of her own, no matter what your financial standing. One of the reasons parents of the boy ask for dowry,
is that they often expect that their son will be earning and supporting
the wife, and it is only fair that she contribute somewhat towards the
household by way of dowry. If your daughter is educated and has as good a career as her husband to be, you've got a strong step in your favour.
Instead of giving her dowry so everyone is nice to her at her new home, give her a great career, so they can't help but respect her.
So if they treat her badly, she can walk out, as she is not dependent on them.
So they need her monthly contribution to the household expenses and dare not mess with her.
Providing your daughter with a solid education, and encouraging her to pursue a career of her choice is the best dowry any parent can ever give their daughter.
Name:
PRADIP,
Country: India
My daughter had an love story.her beloved is now working with state bank of india,navi mumbai,neft department...belongs from siliguri.they have met via jeevansathi.com..she loves him very much.he also used to call me "pori"(angel).but a few days ago his family told about "dahej".they wanted 4 wheeler or same cash,breslet.they told that make a registry marriage and give us balance which u have planned for marriage ceremony.told to give money as they can clear thier debt of education loan of thier daughter.my relatives can't take a part in discussion regarding marriage--it's thier condition.asked about our insurance as I LOST MY WIFE BY A ROAD ACCIDENT
...WE belong from a bengali family.we r totally against of dahej system.but we were afraid that my daughter can accept it or not.but she has broken it..bcoz she thinks it is a big crime..if we can't reduce it..it can pollute our society...i'm really feel proud for her...
Till now she falls tears infront GOD..but didn't indulge the system..
Name:
Yolanda,
Country: U.S.A.
Dec 24, 2011
I recently saw a documentary showing how this horrible tradition affects your nation. Life is too precious for parents to kill or dispose of their baby girls in such a manner!! How can this be allowed in a society where enlightened people supposedly live. It is time for a change. What ideas do you have for a change to take place? Should it come from the people or from the government? Why is it so hard for this traditon to be stopped. Does your God allow this, is it ok to kill and harm another human being?? I, as a person, have been affected very much by knowing that this is happening in this day and age. What can I do to help????
Name:
Kalpana Sarang,
Country: India
Marriage is connecting two ppl and their family. Why dowry shud cum in between them. I really don't understand some ppl very well knew tht the girl's family is not able to give more dowry but still they will demand more. when they particular abt money, material let them go to ppl who r ready give. why they want to suck the blood of the family who r nt capable. Govt has to bring a rule that whenever they give dowry, both have to pay a higher amt of tax, then only i think we will cum to know how black money is engaged in this customs. Also whoever take loan will be fear to give dowry as many % will go by tax. unless r until they pay the tax, Govt should not allow the marriage. only in India all this nonsense happens. A man has to settle his sister(s), then only he will marry in his early 30's r 40's later on he will non-stop running to make his daughters wedding. he will not even enjoy the wealth r comfort. The hard earned money will be saved n transfered to an unknown person along with his daughter. Without any guilty he (the groom) will accept everything. Female infanticide is truly connected with this bull shit customs.
Name:
Diljeet,
Country: India
Dowry system can't be removed by only girls but boys have to take step. Girls are the mother, And mother is a face of GOd. So give request to girls....Thanks
Name:
ISA,
Country: Turkey
i was reading a novel and i saw the word dowry.i tried to understand this word.finally i found and read the article about dowry.i undrestood what dowry is very clearly.it is reall sad.i think only a good education can solve this problem.what i read the dowry system is a very strong custom in india.hopefully a good education is a way for all new indian people.
Name:
sheetal,
Country: India
dowery system is the human being
Name:
Anam khurshid rana,
Country: Pakistan
v v nice and important issue.dowry system must be removed from our society.
Name:
Mirza Shaji Baig Advocate,
Country: India
group and community marriages can also help in removing this evil from the society.
Name:
Mirza Shaji Baig Advocate,
Country: India
the women should concentrate on their education and career rather than regarding marriage as their only way of salvation. instead of having their parents chasing after the men of higher status, the women themselves should raise their own status, so that the men run to them, begging the women to marry them. with modernization and the increasing role of women in a productive economy, creating other ways for wives to contribute to their families` economic well being, one would expect support for the dowry system to diminish.
Name:
Advocate Mirza Shaji Baig,
Country: India
during the ancient times dowry was considered as a custom in our country. the custom however became a social evil with the passage of time. this social evil has taken lives of many innocent brides for its non fulfillment. deaths of young brides through suicide or homicide following disputes over the dowry are increasingly a feature of indian society. the 18th law commission has recommended increasing the minimum sentence from 7 to 10 years in dowry death cases. it has, however, declined the suggestion to increase the maximum punishment from life imprisonment to death sentence.
Name:
Swati Puri,
Country: India
very good article. i think its high time we start making our daughters equally competitive and career oriented as our sons. in india ,what i have felt is that it is not only dowry but in every social function like mundan and all ,girls parents are supposed to give gifts and other items to the inlaws and the worst is that the boy's parents think that it is their birth right. what crap!! frankly speaking, i really feel that we need to reform our society and put an end to all this nonsense.
Name:
Rahul Patel,
Country: India
dowry is such a thing which shows prestige of a girl when she goes to her in laws house and because of this reason the family members of the girls house tries to give as much as possibile. if less is given to the girl then the girl has to suffer many things and is being torchered by many people.
Name:
PURNIMA,
Country: India
accroding to me!dowry is the earn money by the uneducated minded pepole
Name:
ansari,
Country: India
do agree.....specially in some cultures...where daughter-in-law's father is abused for every small thing like clothes not coming from daughter's place in diwali...not invited in some silly function..this should come from girl's place that should come from girl's place, a bunch of garbage that usually mothet in law talks....i really tht these kind if in laws should be dragged to public and exposed badly.....whatever be the love and affection between husband and
Name:
Rizwan alam,
Country: India
this is the only society in the world that treats its women as a burden.our society thinks that the man is taking care of his wife, feeding and clothing her, so he and his family needs to be paid(compensated) in the form of dowry. but in true sense a women marries a man, takes care of him, takes care of all his needs, bears children for him, gives him his own family and still she is treated worse than an animal.
Name:
Arti singh,
Country: India
friends,i have also seen many cases of dowry,i have 1 elder sister she is as a burden upon my father even she is loving of father .so we shouldn't follow such a bad custum oterwise there willn't be any differences between educated and uneducated people.
Name:
Bhulan Kr. SahaAmrit shah,
Country: India
i think dowry system is a bad mentality of our country's people bcoz its always harmfull to us.
Name:
ashi,
Country: India
well this damn thing should give u information on dowry.but till some limit it's ok.
Name:
gaurav tiwari,
Country: India
its very very bad
its harmful for our cultute and society
Name:
garima,
Country: India
dowry is an social evil.and in india girls should be educated about dowry.
Name:
sneha shahi,
Country: India
dowry or dahej is the payment in cash or/and kind by the bride's family to the bridegroom's family along with the giving away of the bride in indian marriage
Name:
vishal Hathrasi Sharma,
Country: India
dowry system is a bed thing in indian culture. this system should avoid in indian culture.today's indian cityzen is known as that he is a thinker. in old time he called the "vishvguru".dowry system as pratha is not made this commitment.so we change the dowry system.we should avoide the dowry system in our society
Name:
vishal Hathrasi Sharma,
Country: India
dowry system is a bed thing in indian culture. this system should avoid in indian culture.today's indian cityzen is known as that he is a thinker. in old time he called the "vishvguru".dowry system as pratha is not made this commitment.so we change the dowry system.we should avoide the dowry system in our society
Name:
radha,
Country: India
dowry is the biggest curse for girls and and dowry system shoud be removed from our society and only girls can abolished this system from our society
Name:
shailedra kumar maurya YASH,
Country: India
dowry is a insect which eat our society and after sometime when all over women will dead then whole world will also destroy beacause without women we cant imagine any thing
