Intelligence is the ability of people to handle their feelings. Read about how
Emotional Intelligence can improve your child's life.
Little Rahul came home crying.
His mother Sujata had trouble trying to calm her sobbing six-year-old son. To
make matters worse, when she managed to get Rahul to calm down, Sujata's eldest
daughter Salomi came in looking depressed. It took Sujata a long time to cajole
her children into telling her what had upset them so much. Rahul finally
revealed that a boy in his class had bullied him by calling him names. Salomi
sullenly divulged that she hated sports. The reason was that she had been
teased and humiliated on the playground for not being able to play basketball
with the other girls.
It is important for parents to
teach their children to express their feelings. Understanding a
child's emotional intelligence is the first step in doing so.
is the ability to manage one's emotions in a healthy and productive manner.
Parents today realise that it is not only their children's intelligence quotient (IQ) that is
crucial for their development but also their emotional quotient. The terms
emotional intelligence and emotional quotient were first used by
psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990. However, it was Daniel
Goleman who is famed for his popular books on the subject that helped spread
Emotional intelligence helps in
developing emotional self-awareness. This allows a person to understand
his feelings. It also empowers a person to handle emotions appropriately,
showing him how to handle stress and upsetting or conflicting feelings. It
also deals with self motivation, encourages empathy, and other social skills.
Emotional Intelligence Important for your child?
is measured in terms of Emotional Intelligence Quotient or
EQ. Emotional intelligence is important for a child not
only to understand himself, but also helps him to understand
the feelings and emotions of others.
A child with a
high emotional quotient will become more responsible and respectful.
He will have an increased ability to show empathy, and find it easier to
develop self restraint. On the other hand, a child with a low emotional
intelligence will often feel helpless.
If a child receives
very little emotional support at home he will be vulnerable to peer pressure, worry, and anxiety.
A child may deal with his anxiety and fear by hiding it under a
facade of toughness. This could lead to his turning into a bully, or becoming
an under-achiever suffering from low motivation.
you increase your child's Emotional Intelligence?
Understanding and nurturing your
child's emotional quotient requires you to observe
your child and ascertain the feelings that are behind the behaviour. Encourage
your child to try to explain his feelings. Understand that
your child may be unable to describe his feelings.
Developing your child's emotional
quotient starts with teaching him to understand his feelings. One way
to do this is to describe your own feelings to your child,
helping your child to classify feelings. It also gives
the child a label to name the feeling. Using words such as 'I' and
'you' will help to give onus to feelings. For example, "It looks like
you are frustrated with that math problem."
Give your child a
framework of limits that he must adhere to. This will help ensure that he
builds self control, and does not allow his feelings to always
determine his actions.
Introduce him to activity books
that are specially written to help build a child's EQ. Try to think up
exercises that will help your child learn to wait for things. These
exercises will also teach him how to handle disappointment, and how to
persevere with a challenge. Remember that the challenges and exercises need to
be designed keeping in mind the child's age group. What may be challenging to a
younger child may be too easy for an older one.
the difference between IQ and EQ?
A person's Intelligence Quotient
can be measured by conducting a battery of IQ tests. An IQ score remains more
or less the same throughout a person's life. On the other hand, an EQ score can
be increased as a person can be taught how to understand and deal with
others feelings. An IQ-oriented person will focus more on facts to
convince a person while an EQ-oriented person will use emotions and his
cognitive abilities to appeal to a person's feelings and reasoning.
EQ is more important in gaining success and happiness in your life.
Do your children have trouble giving voice to
their feelings? Do you think EQ is more important than IQ? Do you feel EQ
should be nurtured in regular course curriculum in school? Discuss here.