Relationships  Discussion Forum

Married for 5 yrs, two kids 3.5 n 1.5 yrs old, I am a person who shares all good to my parents and all other people and kept all bad things with myself ,we live in joint family system. i luv my hubby so much i cant live without him but he aahh he hates ne i dont kno y? let me focuss on my inital emotion when I started writing this..I feel very lonely in my marriage...not alone...lonely. do u feel that after a while it becomes impossible to talk your heart out with you H..v hav arrange marriage he was very gud in early months of our marriage but after sometime he changed so much he started ignoring me.... he never share his problems with me we hv never discussed anything we never go 4 outing he always abused me infront of kids which is so insulting 4 me. whenever i go near him he insulted n rejected me he spend much of time with his family not with me whenever i said to him tht y he did all dis he said tht im mad im psycho n blaah blaah, never respects my opinion or ask for my suggestion..He always says tht he loves me a lot but it doesnt reflect in any of the day-to-day actions...i get so angry n cry.we both have become so emotionally fragile that we cannot talk to each other...i just cant tolerate the way he is doing/not doing things..
Now i ma at a stage where I cant remember any good things about us...he is always judging my personality...never helps in household chores-isnt that real love than just sitting and watching movies? anyways...i feel lonely..my family is sort of estranged beacuse I couldnt involve them in marriage...i feel I did a lot for us and see where I am in my life..He doesn' t even care about me. I am feeling very lonely and all in tears, with no one to console.

From last 8 months his attitude is really unbareable i dont kno what to do . im muslim so he has right to give me divorce n he told me that he dont want to live with me but he cant seperate bcz of our kids on the other hand he always says tht he loves me alot
i dont want seperation i dont kno what to do i never share all dis with anyone all people think that we hv a great married life but they are wrong i hv a very miserable life we hv no such relations like husband n wife he comes to me with in 3 or 4 months n the most miserabe thing 4 me is tht when he blames me tht i only want sex n money from him plzzzzz tell me wat to do
Should I continue talking to him as he does or let him sense how painful are his words. plzzz tell me if im wrong

Please guide me how to convince him to live a very gud n luvely life. Thanks for ur time and patience. V replied. I feel very sad for your situation and im sure it must be very lonely for you. I dont know exactly what to say, I just wanted to send you my sympaty and good wishes.
It sounds to me like there is something difficult in his life- maybe in his job or business (not you). He doesnt know how to deal with this difficulty so he takes the anger and frustration out on someone very close to him - you! Its not right for him to do this and its not mature but unfortunately, a lot of people dont know how to handle the difficulties in life and start doing things like this.
You are getting hurt because you think there is something wrong with you and the insults are very personal, but really, its his fault for not communicating properly about the problems in his life. I feel you should be loving but firm - gently make it clear to him that you want to support him and help him but he is not allowed to insult you or treat you badly. If he treats you badly, you feel bad, the children feel bad and also, your husband will feel bad. So stand up for yourself, get some time to talk to your husband privately, be sympathetic to him but ask him to talk to you about the problems in his life and show him that you want to support and help him. But remember that it is totally unfair to treat another human badly like this and do not allow him to do it - especially in front of the children who will learn his bad behaviour. It might take some time for him to open up but he says that he loves you and that is a great start. If you both try to understand each other rather than hurt each other, it will be much better in the long run. Good luck. Ps if you can get hold of it, there is a book called ' Men are from Mars, WOmen are from Venus' which explains some of the differences in the ways men and women communicate with each other and tips on how to talk to your husband better. Good luck