Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am going through a very puzzling phase and would like some guidance. I am a happily married woman with 1 child. Due to my husbands nature of job we are posted in a new country for a period of 5-6 years.

My husband's job requires him to travel quite often. In a month we get to be together for a week or two and the other 2 weeks he is away. I feel pretty lonely when he is gone. I don't socialise much on my own because of my child, I have to be home in the evening to look after her.

I have no problems with my hubby, he is very loving, caring and a good father. He does everything for me without a flinch.

My problem is that off late since I have been going to the gym I meet this guy who comes to work out very attractive. We have never spoken we just look at each other and from the eye contact we make I can tell he is attracted to me. He has no idea I am married ofcourse and if he knew he would be out of there in a sec!

I just want to know are these feelings normal? Even if this guy approached me I would not go out with him or anything because I could never cheat. But this attraction for this guy bothers me. When I see him it's at the gym my day brightens up and I feel so good and happy. I know I sound crazy but pls let me know what u think.

Thanks rahul replied. well priya its only natural to feel this attraction and lonliness. nothing wrong in it , only thing if any affair has to happen it will happen , if not , it will never happen. Nia replied. Still meeting him Amit replied. YOu are not very decent that we can all tell...and before giving your adivise for others to check themself you shd check what you write sweetie aunty!

Whoever came for her support is none of your business to decide that birds of a feather flock together. It's ok for your to attack and call ppl names but when the tables turn you get all defensive.

Don't act all high and mighty. Just because you have been married 12 years doesn't give you the license to say the things you say.

And if your comments for Priya were long over why do you keep writing back...if you are so secure about yourself and your character you would not bother to reply to what ppl think of you and snap back...Psycho! Chandrima replied. Birds of a weather do flock together that is why you are also on this forum and sharing your opinions.

Why are you taking Priya's issue so personally? She just asked a question, everyone replied..that is all.

I am not trying to suggest anything pls believe me..but I just feel like somewhere you feel have been wronged...it's just a vibe I am getting, I could be wrong. I sense anger & resentment in your tone.

cheer up, we are all here to read, and learn about situations happening in other ppls life, some times it helps us realise that we are better off or worse off..take care. satya replied. Basically everybody has skeletons in their closets,also have to admit birds of a feather do really flock together. Chandrima replied. She has done nothing wrong, infact proven that some women still have their morals intact and can be firm with temptations.

We are all human beings, we all seek companionship and there is no harm in feeling attracted to another person if her intensions are not bad.

You have not cheated on your husband in anyway..never ever feel that way or have that guilt on your shoulders.

Men look at women all the time, they go thru porn too...does looking mean cheating? Amit replied. Hi Priya,

First and foremost I would like to compliment you on your strong nature. You are so firm and knowing where you stand in whatever situation. Ofcourse this is just a pure guess from all the threads I have read of you writing so far.

As far your feelings go this is the most natural thing any human being can whether male or female. It is no different than admiring a celebrity or men appreciating beauty which we all do even married men. It would be hypocrital for any person to say they may look at someone attractive and not feel their heart flutter slightly.

So girl, please do not feel guilty because you have no attention of having an affair with this guy becuase if you did, you would go ahead, there is nothing stopping you. But you know what your limits are.

All the best and please do not feel low or down...as a man I am telling you that your feelings are fine and you have not wronged your husband. Priya replied. Thank you all for your replies. Today I went to the gym in the afternoon as I have changed my timings from morning to afternoon and I did not feel anything. I guess this kind of feeling is just normal. You know when you see someone you feel good about it and then forget about it because it is not an important aspect of your life.

I do go out with my daughter and I am involved in mom & tot groups, we go swimming together. I also go out for coffee or lunches with some friends I have made in this new country.

The loneliness I feel sometimes is just of someone to talk too in the evening, just wanting someone to be by your side, to share a movie with or simply have dessert with. Once my daughter goes to sleep I have nothing to do, so I read or watch TV...but everyone will agree that sometimes you just want to have someone to talk to you by your side.

This also does not mean that I am in anyway looking to have an affair with someone.

I did not post my msg to gain any sort of sympathy, comfort or feel important.

So no sweat and thank you once again for replying.

What replied. Hi,
It is true that I never gave any advice to Priya. Guess I was just shocked by your usage of terms like'...you have cheated on your husband...'and ended up thinking that YOUR psychological problem is far greater and need of attention than Priya's question.Anyway since you never wanted any help or advice then it is none of my problem!.Sorry.
And Priya,...first thing don't ever feel that you have already done something wrong or feel low or guilty because of such comments from such people.
What you have felt is very natural and there is no HUMAN BEING in this world who have never experienced it.It is upto the actual nature of any person to chose the right path or the wrong from here.From what you have written it clearly looks like You are quite clear and strong with good values...So good going girl.Again,...it is perfectly normal to have such feelings and it is every person's willpower to fight it and control it.
If you think it is necessary you change your gym or timing...
It must be really challenging for you to take care of your little one all by yourselves ..You are doing good. I think you should still try to socialize more to fight your loneliness...May be make friends with your kids' friends' mommies and go for a playdate etc.,,
Goodluck!. What replied.
\";Cheated your husband\";......oh god which world is this lady Satya from... I don't know....Gosh...All she(Priya) has written is 'she saw this guy, she got attracted and has asked is it ok to feel this way while she is really happily married to her husband'..thats it...Can't you give some decent tips or advices to her?...
Satya ..you got some real attitude problem! Priya replied. Just to remind you this is an open thread and every person has a right to say what's on his mind.

So if you find I am fooling you, you did not need to reply to my msg in the first place ok.

And from your angry tone it seems like you are highly deprived of something yourself.

So take a break mate! Priya replied. Thank you so much for your reply.

I don't blame my husband for me being alone. It is a choice that we have both made when he was taking up the job. It will not be permenant we have only one more year and then he will go back to do his PHD because I will return back to work.

Anyway, I have thought about this and have decided to change my gym timings completely to avoid meeting this guy. He is definitely not worth it.

But thank you Bhavana you have put it very nicely and in a very mature and intelligent way. bhavana replied. Hi priya,
I think the very fact that you have written here proves that, somewhere deep down you know you are doing something wrong.
Either way I am nobody to judge you,but whatever you are going thru right now has to stop.Try changing the timing.Go to the gym at some other time.The more you start spending time in the gym during the same hours might possibly lead to something you will regret irrespective of whether you want it or not.Its just a matter of time.
Once you get into the mode of seeing him everyday,the wants only increase,they never decrease.Its easy to think that you will never give in to the temptation and another thing to actually have the strength to say a NO.
Don't wait till the last minute ,stop going to the gym for somedays.ANd then change your timings.
During the days you take your time off,sit back and think hard of what you are doing and what might happen if you proceed with whatever you are doing right now.
Mind can be very strong when it comes to temptations and can lead you to believe that there is nothing wrong in just talking to him first.
So take your time ,relax,go thru the photo albums of your wedding and every other such stuff.
You say your hubby comes only for 2 weeks,make it a memorable one for him and yourself.
Do something different.Rekindle your romance,i know it can have a setback once you have a baby,but there can be ways.Surprise him with a gift do something every week that he comes home.Then just wait and see how he would want to come back to you every week.

Take a relaxing month and stop the gym for sometime.

All the best. satya replied. Honestly you know the answer yourself,confused and all this is pure crap.
You are definitely sick and deprived of lots of stuff.
You just want somebody here to tell you that whatever you are feeling is natural,the same old stuff of I know what you are going thru,it might be lonely for you,and its all your husband's fault for leaving you and all such other nonsense.

You say that you are never going to cheat your hubby,BUT you are already doing that,you feel elated on seeing the other guy,you feel happy and the day is bright and the sun is different in shape and size for you in this other man's presence,then what exactly ARE YOU CONFUSED ABOUT .
CONFUSED MY FOOT. Priya replied. I wouldn't have asked the question in the first place right. I am genuinely confused about how I am feeling. satya replied. What do you think??????