Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear Friends,

I am 32 year old full-time mom to my 3 year old daughter. I am a keralite married to a Punjabi Brahmin guy for the past 5 years. We were settled in the Middle East but came back to India last year since my husband lost his well-paying job due to recession. He has still not got a good job though he is freelancing from home. I am an MBA who was working up until marriage. Ours was a love marriage solemnized with the blessings of elders from our respective families. Life was okay for some months after marriage but later I found my husband to be very negative towards my family members. I tried explaining it to him that I do not wish to hear negative about anyone since I never nag him for the painful episodes that I had with my in-laws during the initial period of my married life. I always give my in-laws all the respect, regard and love that I could and at the same time try to be a good daughter to them by taking all the responsibilities that I could. Now his family is very happy with me and loves me for what I am and same is the case in my family. My family members adore my husband for being a loving husband, father and a good son-in-law.

Off late, my husband has been fighting with me for trivial issues. I feel he is looking for reasons to get started and keeps abusing my family almost every day. I feel very hurt and dejected that the same person who once use to worship me and my family is now insulting and mistreating them. I have never behaved in such a manner with him or his family but I fail to understand what makes him fight with me all the time. I always try to be supportive to him since I feel he might he upset with his current professional unstability. But it seems nothing is working for us. I even suggested him that we shift to UK since he is more inclined towards that place rather than Middle East. But he is a very slow-moving man. He has a habit of delaying things and so he still has’nt made up his mind or decided on what he wants to do in future. Inspite of all the support, love and happiness I try to give him, he always criticizes me and says that I am an unsupportive wife. Though his parents always appreciate my being supportive to him, he never realizes it and has also started shouting at me which he never use to do.

I am worried for my daughter since distance between our relationship has affected her. At the same time, she is now ready for her school but since he has no job in hand I am puzzled where to put her in school since we are extensively traveling from one place to other (his and my hometowns). I want him to get a good job or get a business visa and settle down somewhere so that our lives fall in place and we have a proper routine to follow rather than having an uncertain future.

I have never discussed my pain n unpleasant episodes with anyone be it my family, his family or my friends because I feel if people get to know of these things they will think that I made a bad choice in life and will think bad about him and his family. I want to set a good example of an ideal couple but I cannot do this without his support. Before marriage we were the best of friends, now everything has changed. Now I fear to share anything with him because I know he will interpret things in his own manner and end up fighting with me. I hate to lead such a life and I am in a hopeless situation.

I also want to go back to work since my daughter will join school, I can be of some financial support to my husband and I don’t want to waste my knowledge and experience. But I am apprehensive whether I will get a job since its been 5 years since I left my job.

I want to feel normal, happy and cheerful in life like I was before. But don’t know how to achieve this.

Friends please suggest me ways to deal with my ever-accusing husband and get back our lives on track as it was a few years back.

Thanx in advance.
sarika replied. hello dear
well itz gud that ur also thinking of putting ur baby at moms place,let me tell u few more things i went through.hope it helps pacify ur state.

dont ever worry that ur husband criticizes u or ur family bcoz its common nature of men n women when disturbed or under pressure for anythng,my husband does tht often ,so plz dnt take to heart watever he speaks abt ur people,u know wat ur people are.try find a job as soon as posible n convince ur husband for that,finding job at ur moms place until ur husband settles is a gud idea if ur brave enough to live alone (i mean form ur husband).n as u told u cannot be comfortable at inlaws place definitely so better shift to oms place.meantime ur husband will also understand his responsibilities towards u n baby.
be strong n confident everythng will go fine,just gather up some courage n go ahead,will surely pray for u n ur family
all the best sarika replied. hello dear

i have been going through the same turmoil,with little differnce,we live in central america ,my husbands came here on deputation itz now 3 yrs,8 months ago his deputation got over n we were supposed to shift bak to india ,which my H did not want to, he was waiting for another assignment n it took 3 motnhs to get another mean time our personal life so upset tht we thought of separating.mine is a love marriage too ,my inlaws never accepted me n always try to separate us ,though our marriage happen vth blessings from either side,my husband does the same abuses me n my family for every silly reason.i have a daughter 1.8 yrs old ,am n MBA worked for MNC before marriage.but now things have settled down n we are happy.
wat i suggest u is leave ur baby at ur moms place for school as u told u are travelling a lot,definitely try finding a job,though not a good paying one(may be u can take up teaching)time being,u will develop self confidence n ur mind wld be occupied.slowly expalin ur hubby itz time to settle down take help frm ur inlws if possible .
hope this helps