Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi frndz,

i need ur help. I got married arnd 4 months back after a 4 yrs courtship. it was love marriage(intercaste) against my parents wish.but now when i supposed to be happy, i am feeling very sad or i will go mad .

because of my MIL. me and my hubby really love each other but MY MIL is using every trick to separate us.as we have yrs courtship period, so she was very cool & gud with me but now i dont know what exactly she wants from me.

my hubby is very gud hubby, frndv and a very gud son.she is using her for own motives. as she is also working but they(MIL, BIL, SIL) using my hubby like a tissue paper. As i am living in a joint family so hubby, MIL, DIL is earning but noone is using and giving money for household purposes. MIl using her salary in giving expensive gifts to her daughter.BIL is not working. He si spending money on parties. DIL is giving money to his parents as they r alone in village.this is just 1 phase.my hubby is working hard since all day night but they r not showing any kind of love or care towards him.

secondly, she is using various tricks to show me inferior.she is showing that she is not feeling well infront of my hubby whereas after him she is like sweet 16. but whenever he comes she start doing all sort of acting. she do work in front of him but whenever he went she start giving things or giving all works to me.

she is interfering a lot in our lives. we are not allowed to go for a movie or came home late whereas my BIL daily come late after parties. we are not allowed to sleep late in the morning if we are tired with all day long.she start knocking our door and start nagging me to get early whereas we went to bed around 1 am daily just because of her daily health drama.

since morning till midnight, i am doing work like an animal but still she is complaining in front of my husband that i am not working.I m really frustated with my life. because whenever i tried to aort out things , she make it worse.

earlier my husband understands me but ends up always that she is elder, so just ignore them. but now my MIL playing a two face game. she shows love in front of hubby to me whereas she really hates me.
what will we do. i really wanna get separate from them. well each & everything of their home is made by my hubby. we have different properties but all on the name of my MIL and BIL. wheras all are bought by my hubby income. how do we make our future if we are giving everthing to them.we have no savings as individuals.what to do? how to get separate?plz advice

second Mesha replied. Hi Katty,

The fact that you and your husband love each other is more important than anything. The MIL is abusive and you do not deserve this treatment.

Your husband needs to understand that he can still be a respectful and dutiful son, but you do not have to live under the same household. The MIL never had power in her life so she feels entitled to act in any way towards you. Do not give your power to her. She cannot control you or your happiness.

Since your husband loves you he needs to understand what you are going through. There has to be mutual respect in the household. Since that is not happening you and your husband need to have your own place. Otherwise the sadness, pain and disrespect will continue to grow and no one should live their lives like this under any circumstances.

I am also going through this. My husband I and have love marriage and his parents were against it and still are against me because I am not the kind of girl they wanted for their son. My husband loves me to no end as I do him.

It has been a struggle with the MIL,FIL, BIL and BIL' s wife. They drain my energy. They are very jealous people and my husband sees their nature but has a hard time believing that his family can be so cruel. My husband and I live in our own place which is really nice. However he does want the inlaws to live with us eventually but their has to be mutual respect. The BIL is very jealous of my husband, my husband is the youngest in the family and is very successful in career and we have our own home. BIL is not happy in his own life so he makes everyone else miserable. The BIL and his family live in the parent' s house. He blames all his problems on us. The MIL and BIL' s wife always talk about me behind my back. I hate going over to the house, it' s always uncomfortable. I always just be myself. I have to be positive because I don' t want to put energy into them because I know they will not change. It is difficult but you have to move forward.

I hope this helps. Please talk to your husband and list your concerns. If he loves you and your happiness matters to him, he will do anything to make sure you are completely happy. There will be always struggle in life but it' s up to us to place boundaries. No one has the right to treat you inappropriately unless you let them.

Warm Regards,

Mesha Mesha replied. Hi Katty,

The fact that you and your husband love each other is more important than anything. The MIL is abusive and you do not deserve this treatment.

Your husband needs to understand that he can still be a respectful and dutiful son, but you do not have to live under the same household. The MIL never had power in her life so she feels entitled to act in any way towards you. Do not give your power to her. She cannot control you or your happiness.

Since your husband loves you he needs to understand what you are going through. There has to be mutual respect in the household. Since that is not happening you and your husband need to have your own place. Otherwise the sadness, pain and disrespect will continue to grow and no one should live their lives like this under any circumstances.

I am also going through this. My husband I and have love marriage and his parents were against it and still are against me because I am not the kind of girl they wanted for their son. My husband loves me to no end as I do him.

It has been a struggle with the MIL,FIL, BIL and BIL' s wife. They drain my energy. They are very jealous people and my husband sees their nature but has a hard time believing that his family can be so cruel. My husband and I live in our own place which is really nice. However he does want the inlaws to live with us eventually but their has to be mutual respect. The BIL is very jealous of my husband, my husband is the youngest in the family and is very successful in career and we have our own home. BIL is not happy in his own life so he makes everyone else miserable. The BIL and his family live in the parent' s house. He blames all his problems on us. The MIL and BIL' s wife always talk about me behind my back. I hate going over to the house, it' s always uncomfortable. I always just be myself. I have to be positive because I don' t want to put energy into them because I know they will not change. It is difficult but you have to move forward.

I hope this helps. Please talk to your husband and list your concerns. If he loves you and your happiness matters to him, he will do anything to make sure you are completely happy. There will be always struggle in life but it' s up to us to place boundaries. No one has the right to treat you inappropriately unless you let them.

Warm Regards,

Mesha