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day by day my mental state is getting worse...for being not able to work gets me into depression...evryday i curse my husband for putting me into a situation like this where i constantly feel like a servent to him..

i was always an independent working girl, but didnt get a chance to work after marriage as being new to the city and without any support from my husband i cudnt find work...before i would get acquainted with the city and find the sources i got pregnent...my pregnency was not normal as i suffered from acute nausea till the last day of my pregnency...my inlaws were totally incooperative to me all through and left me to suffer all alone even told me to deliver the baby all alone in this new city...my husband played a scared kid all time...with a lot of struggle and issues i convinced him to get the child delivered in my mom' s place so she cud take care of me....to this day m handling my child all alone and my inlaws are still no support and only job they do is teach my husband against me...being more qualified than my husband i still play a servent to him...being not able to do any job as being a single caretaker of my child...

He throws all his trash shoes, socks, shirt wet towel in drawing room for me to clean after and all he does is watch tv or work on laptop...so he creates a lot of mess for me to clean after and on the top wants bed tea, breakfast, lunch box and dinner all in time along with me to look after the baby....m just sooooooooooooooo frustrated as I feel that m wasting all my skills and education sitting at home all the time and not working….moreover I know the corporate world considers you a redundant if you take a long break and its almost 2 years to me….m afraid my MBA will go wasted and I will not be able to find any job later on….help!
Hema replied. Dear Mandeep,

To me you are one lucky woman who is leaving away from your In-Laws! Actually I do understand your H' s predicaments in finding you a job, he may very well be partially correct. But I surely agree with you that he can not burden you with his personal things to be cared and managed.

I would suggest, you please be patient and tell him in a very cool and loving moment that he NEEDS to help you in the household chores otherwise you are not able to manage and you are drained of all your energy. And tell him clearly what all you do not want him to do. Tell him to take care of all his personal stuff and at the same time you stop attending to those, if he has thrown his towel to some corner instead of putting it on the string, leave it there, do not tidy the dirt he creates, he will shortly learn to live in his dirt or will clear his own. Unfortunately you also have to endure his dirt sometimes, but it may be better to endure dirt and be stern than feeling yourself a servant. In case he starts abusing, warn him that he is crossing boundaries and there are laws to take care!

I do think many of your present situations are just due to the early pregnancy and the baby when neither you nor your H were ready. I am sure your sex life also must be suffering badly, please make a statement on this. Would suggest, preserve your energy and start back on the sex life. Tell him where he is wrong, also reward him, when he is good. You are the boss, you have to take control, its your family, you have to run it. In any case I am sure you have decided to wait a few more months before you hunt for a job. Will speak more on your subject in the next. Wish you peace and energy to tackle what you have at hand. Mandeep replied. Thanks for taking ur valuable time to go thru this...
yes my in laws are not putting up with us...ofcourse i knew before marriage that i will move in here in this new town but then my husband had promised me to help me look for job as he had contacts being a regional manager in a reputed bank...to which he later said that due to recession he cudnt find any job for me...my pregnency was a contraception failure, as it was a first one and i had fibroids and other issues the doctor advised me to continue with it...
i used to work in HDFC mutual fund as an operations executive before marriage and my area of specialisation is Finance, Economics. and the minimum working hours are 9:30 to 6:30 and my husband works from 9 to 7...i find it not a very good option to put my baby in creche for such long hours moreover my H also thinks that i shdnt b putting him in creche before 1 yr and that too not more than 3 hours...

the helplessness and the lack of mental satisfaction is making me soooo irritable that i literally see my marriage in danger as i pick up fight with my H every second day...just dont know what to do. Hema replied. Dear Mandeep,

It' s unfortunate to note that you are in such a scenario. May I seek some clarification, before I can suggest you anything?

I presume that your in-laws are NOT living with you? Kindly confirm. Did you know before marriage that you would be leaving your job and will move to this new city where your H has a job? Was the pregnancy a joint decision or failure of any family planning methods that you adopted? Do you have a maid to help you during the day with your household chores? If you feel comfortable, what is your area of speciality/qualification? What kind of job is your H in? How many hours does he spend out of home for his work?

I do see that he has not grown up to share the household load with others in the family and has possibly been a pampered child. But then a large majority of Indian males are brought up by parents like that! That' s why they not only do not share burden but adds to it for others, but this particular trait can be taken care of. Pleaser answer the queries, I will get back with you again.

Till then have patience and keep peace at home, for yourself and the baby. monica replied. Hello mandeep,

i m very upset knowing u r in such a terrible situation. Actually i m seeing my future as urs . Only a month ago i was terribly upset as i was also in ur situation, leading a boring housewife life getting no attention from my hubby. Thats why i left him and joined my work just 1 month earlier. he is still trying to put me back there but i wont go. i m determined.

I think altough we wivies do a lot to make our hubbies happy but they wont feel for us, wont get satisfied. They actually so heartless. They r u inhuman to feel our problems. i m not saying all men are same but yes after reading ur story atleast our hubbies r same.

So there is no point to waste time just grab ur degrees and appear for interviews. May be u wont get the previous salary.. but it doesnt matter. Job will give back ur confidence , mental satisfaction. Just do it. Dont bother about anything else.
Keep ur child to ur mom' s company and do ur job. Thats what i can suggest u.

Best of luck
Monica