Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am Rekha working for a reputed IT concern as a Software Professional. I am aged 28 years, hindu. I am divorced on the grounds of null and void as the my previous marriage was proved to be fraud and it was a love marriage.

Now, I am love in a person called as Pradeep, a Christian who works with me in the same organisation. I know him for the past 6 years, where he came into my life as my close friend and later we felt that life is meaningless with out each other and fell in love. So, he proposed to me Feb-2007 and I accepted it. He was aware of my past life and he said that he is not bothered about it as he lives for the present.

The conditions that he enforced while he propsed to me was that never he will force me to get married against my parents wish and niether should I do it do him. He will be in a position to marry me only after his younger sister gets married. I accepted it as it seemed to fair enough.

My parents know Pradeep as my friend but I was not sure whether they will accept another love marriage.

I travalled to UK for a project and he also got an opportunity to travel to Uk for a different project. We stayed nearly a year together. We have roamed across Europe and Uk together, spent days and nights together.

In 2009, I spoke to my mother and said that I am in love with Pradeep and she was kind of Ok with it. I thought if Pradeep gets a chance to speak to my parents, may be they will accept.

He travelled to India for his sister' s marriage. He spoke to my parents, my brother and they are all ok with him and they have accepted him. His sister marriage was also fixed in Nov, so he said to my parents that he will start convincing his parents after his sis wedding.

He starte to speak to his mom first, she is okay with him marrying me but she is scared of her husband (my father-in-law) and wants to go with his wishes. His sisters are also ready to accept his love if their father agrees.

His father s completely against our love marriage for the following reasons -
1. Caste
2. Religion
3. I am working
4. I am in Uk
5. He feels that I will not respect them.

They have not even seen me and he is making all such false impressions about me. My parents have also agreed to get converted into Christian, if that is what is causing a problem.

But he is still not agreeing to it.

He has now seen a bride for his son and wants him to get married to her. If he does not obey his father' s word then he is balck mailing him that He will come to my flats and shout using all bad words about my family in such a way that the whole appartments can hear.

I have already done so much damage to my parents by marrying some one against their wish and which resulted in divorce. I don' t want to do any more damage to my family name or to my parents.

At the same time, I know Pradeep for 6 years now and don' t want to get seperated. Pradeep is not ready to get married against his parent' s wish or by register marriage.

He is saying that \" We can get seperated to avoid further problems and pain will be there which will soon ease as time passes by.\" More over, he says it i against chritianity to marry a person from other religion. (Can' t believe it). I can' t do that. This is my 2nd life that I have ruined.

I don' t know what should I do??? I can' t leave him or do anything as I am scared that his father will do something that will hurt my parents. Please provide me some advice.... Please Bob replied. Rekha,

Your last response invalidates the last para of my previous post. He is not the kind of person who will ever be in pain for cheating you, he is not doing what he is doing under any compulsion from his dad, he is doing it all by his own free will for his selfish self centred personal gain. He is a confirmed CHEAT.

I can not but suggest the following: Keep your pain to yourself. Slowly but surely stop contact with this guy. The longer you continue to have contact, longer will last your pain. During every contact he will only RENEW your pain. Contact a counsellor in UK to tackle your pain better. Also visit a doc to control your depression. You can combine the two together by seeing a psychiatrist. With an work permit, I am sure you are covered by insurance and the health schemes of the land, or else the kind of help you require may be very expensive.

Read some books on How to move on after a break up. You might not have done this after your divorce last, but do it this time. Please understand you are still young and you have a whole life to live and that too with full enjoyment of all aspects of it. Do not waste any more time/emotions/energy on this cheat. If you believe in god, think that god will punish him in god' s own manner at god' s time of choosing. Bob replied. Its extremely unfortunate that you have loved a man, who after living with you and deriving all kinds of emotional and physical pleasure for a year and knowing you for long six years and been aware of all the past pains in your life, declines to marry you on his father' s illogical insistence. It' s further preposterous that he mentions his religion is against marrying one from another religion! Did he not know this when he spent all those physically satisfying moments in UK? Did he seek permission from his dad or his church if doing all that with you was right or not???

Rekha, as normal human beings, you can hardly do much against heist, robbery, terrorism or cheating! You can not take this guy to court with proofs that he lived with you after promising to marry you and all that.

You are still in the UK? How long more? This guy is now back to India? Kindly let us know about this clearly once again.

However I would suggest, you reduce contact with him, and if he ever really loved you, allow him to suffer from his pain too and wait to see, if his pain can rise the man in him to come out before his dad to defy him and assert himself to say that he will marry you. Otherwise why should you marry someone who is not man enough? Even if you can compel him to marry you now, what happens through the rest of your lives with this extremely weak character?

Write again. I will think further in the mean time.