Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Friends,
I feel proud to be part of this website which gives useful information and solutions to our problems. Please help me to give some solutions for my problems..as follows..
Myself and my H were worked in a same s/w company. When my first child was born, being nearby to my parents place.(about to leave job due to affection and bf to my baby, my H arranged my MIL to take care of my baby after three months,so I continued my job. Doing cooking,cleaning,after office hours work including my baby' s essential tasks)due to some misunderstanding my MIL couldn' t continue after couple of months in my place after my H has gone on abroad trip. After that my parents has taken care of the baby until two and half years while I go to work, also myself , during my H abroad trips now and then. Once he got a long term in abroad he forced me to resign the job. No other way, I left the job and taken care of the baby till 5 years without going to job..because of coming back to india and going again. In abroad, though I had gone to couple of months job in Non IT jobs , it doesn' t last longer. Again due to pregnancy, I couldn' t continue my job. When my second baby was born, my parents came and helped me. Meanwhile no help was there from his family. But my H supports financially and supporting totally more than what they want every year. Due to the study in abroad for my son(Ist)(no homework or not much study) I thought of retuning back to india. But he doesn' t agreed. He again asked me go to job. so I went to job when my baby was 7 months leaving him in day nursery. He is not settled. Then I lost my job due to visa expiry. When I got back everything settled, I am outdated and having a long gap in my IT career. After many months of trying, I still could n' t find a job. my second son has to start prekg. but my H is not willing to make him join due to financial issues. I am also trying to study for a new course. Meanwhile, I have sit for my Ist son study, and to take care everything(also for the past six or seven months my H wont come early or may not come to home due to work and also in weekends). Some times he helps during weekends when work is not there but want to go outside or make myself to take care of kids and goes alone.If I want to put my another son to nursery, I have to go to work. Or even I want to read, I have to make him to go to nursery. either way he is not agreeing. Also, I dont find time to study as a solid hours.
My H says make him sit by TV or do colouring, and read in morning hours. I am totally not agreed by this idea. I feel guilty about it. Only time I am getting is the night time.(after 12.00) sometimes, he takes care of children sleep or get crossed if they are not sleeping when he is tired. so I have to make them sleep and then come to read. this makes me to get up late in the morning which my Ist son going to school late(because I have to drop him). If I say, that I' ll return to India and be with my parents place and I' ll get some help while I study also my children can study there, we get on arguments forever.. that I should go forever if I go to india leaving him here.. what shall I do? My parents says.. dont go to work and look after the children. All day looking after children and I dont have much friends here and being alone when I am alone with kids is killing myself. I dont find enough or hobby time for me as me. My H says.. looking after kids is enough for you and read and search for job... why r u going or talking to friends.. and use abusive words when I meet some friends..Being about to finish the course within one year makes me to postpone some of the chores in the house. But he uses abusive words when everything is not clean and tidy and complains I am doing simple cooking. What is the best solution to make my children study as well as my study and getting into career.? If anyone can help me...I am really grateful to them. prada replied. Dear DS,
I can very well understand the kind of struggle you are going through.Personally,my advice to your problem is wait till your children come to their regular school-going age.
When they are engaged from 9-5 ,then you get plenty of time for yourself.And you can get yourself busy with your choice of career.
I know how difficult it is for a woman ,who has been doing a full-time job,to sit at home and feel possibly doing nothing.Instead of thinking about how much you miss your work atmosphere,think of how you can raise you children independently in these few early years ,so that when you go back to work after they grow,it would' nt be much difficult for you to manage things later. As of now enjoy your role as a mother loving and caring for your dear ones, for once your kids grow up you' ll start missing all the time you' ve spent with them in boundless love and countless tiny lovely giggles.You wouldn' t find those later ,would you?