Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I am women who is been married for few years. My problem is that I do not like my husbands personality. I am a highly qualified good looking female whereas my husband is not intelligent, he is short and fat, dosent speak good english. On top of that he is 10 years elder to me. Frankly speaking before getting married I never thought that the person whome I would be marrying should have so and so qualities. I was only concerned about my career. I blindly trusted my fathers choice. My father is very satisfied person with small aims. He just got me married to him, which was the first alliance I got. I was also not matured enough, though I was 22 when I got married. But now when I see my colleagues I badly repent about my marriage. There were couple of highly educated good looking my age guys who were inetested in me thinking that I am not married. I feel my husband should have had atleast one quality either good looking or intelligent. I think I don' t love my husband, because I look at good looking guys some times when I go out also I think I like attention from other guys. what do I do? Anonomyous replied. I can understand your situation, in your life you got married by your own choice probably, in my case it was a sort of forced marriage as I was leaving India and migrating to UK. My parents didn' t want to send me alone. I did what all I could do so my marriage doesn' t take place even after engagement, but a qualified very well educated, well looked beautiful person, who will make mistake, so I got married under emotional blackmail. But I guess I have not accepted my marriage fully. Its now 5 years plus to my marriage and we havent had sex as initially I was not interested and now we both are not interested in each other. He didn' t leave me for first 3 years and now I am used to living a bad life.
So whatever you want to do, do it fast, don' t think you will get support from parents as I never got that (indian parents dont support thier kids for such things).
I wont be surprised if I do suicide anytime as in 5 years of bad marriage I have lost all hopes, I can' t live with my hubby as I don' t love him and never wanted to marry him and I can' t even leave her as I am used to living a dead life with him now. S replied. Hi a,
I would do anything to be in your place. I know it sounds like preaching but really that beauty does not matter - there is nothing better in the world that being loved for what you are. I learned it the hard way. I declined marriage from men who did not look good and married a man who was tall, handsome, spoke very well and had a good career. I was physically and emotionally tortured for years and am still undergoing emotional torture. My husband openly tells me that he never loved me, all he cares about is his mom and siter & has not had sex with me for the last few years.

As far as going out is concerned I can assure you that there will be so many good looking couples who silently envy you that you have such a caring husband. I know I would.
SS replied. Hi A
I hav a very sincere advise, had u had a smart handsome husband but wat he wud not luv u or be violent n abusiv n interfering inlaws, baby u r very well placed than most of married women, remember beauty is skn deep. u hav luv of ur hubby n no other issues of inlaws etc u r lucky, like a said befriends wid peopl who r intelligent enuf to accept u as a couple n know that relations are impt than luks, down the yrs u wil need luv not luks.Still u can wrk a lil upon issues u hav wid him they r quite workable, join a gym wid him, converse in eng n am sure u wil be happy, gud luk n act wisely. b replied. Dear a,

I do understand your desires and the predicaments you are in. You may not appreciate what I will say below but please consider and think for yourself.

I am sure you would appreciate that being a good human being is far more important than being handsome or beautiful. Of course apart from he being not so handsome, he is 10 years your senior and possibly his english too is not good, not a smart man as such! But he loves you...

You know what? At 25 your concerns are these, because all your friends have young and handsome husbands, possibly who are kind of smart and can hang out together etc, but if he loves you and if you are sure about that, why don' t you give him a chance. Tell him your concerns, ask him go gymming, let him take some interest and self-teach speaking good english.

You know what? If I were you, I would shun those old friends of mine in whose company my spouse and I do not feel comfortable. I will go ahead develop friends and new company where I am accepted with my spouse with all the respect me and my marriage deserves.

I would talk about the divorce angle after reading your reaction. I am really very sorry for the miscarriages you have had. However I would reccomend you can wait for a while before attempting conceiving again. Set your marriage right first. You are young, you are on the positive side of age. At 35 your H is no way old, even if he is dark, fat and short.

Please do write again, I am not closed on your D yet. b replied. dear a,

Its sad that you are at this juncture. However you may not find too many encouraging you to take steps to change the situation drastically.

However, do you have children already? Do you feel that your H loves and values you? Is your sex life good? Do you enjoy his company in bed? Does he give you attention and expresses satisfaction wth you?

Please do come back with these, let us still look at your situation more intently.