Relationships  Discussion Forum

i am married for 8 months now and am 26 yrs almost.dis ws luv marriage.den v started ur lives together.i knew my hubby for 2 yrs before marr..i thought i knew him.bt never knew that he is so close to his mother. he does everything she tells him. but good thing is she never tells him anything wrong til now. and she likes me also. she is sharing things with me also like tells wat she tells son to me also. but i dont want my husband to listen to her. why should we.i am the owner of his life now. these things upset me. am thinking how to solve. he discusses everything with her or sometime money matters with his dad also. but praises me also sometimes in front of her.thats good. but how to make him in my control fully. i feel left out wen he discusses with his parents over the phone( we living in different cities).
please suggest to handle him. mother replied. this \" mel\" is great> i was not able to pen my thoughts but she/he did the part what i wnated to pen.

great job mel. Mel replied. I think you have explained your problem better in your second post. And I' m impressed with the fact that you took the advice in the right spirit.

The problem is that your husband doesn' t CONSULT you when taking important decisions. And, yes, in this matter, you are right, all important decisions need to be mutually decided by husband and wife. Ofcourse taking the opinion of elders is a nice thing to do. But, your husband should take his parents advice, bounce it off with you, and then take a decision.

You have already identified the problem yourself. It' s your husband. Why don' t you have a heart to heart discussion with him and tell him that you are also an educated adult, who is sharing his life with him. And you would also like to be involved in the decision making process, rather than just being \" informed\" about what they have decided.

Try to ensure that you are involved in small decision making to start off. I don' t think your husband does it purposely. He probably thinks that he is responsible for you, and that since his parents are old and wise, they can help him take a logical decision which is in his and your best interests. So, when you do get involved in smaller decision making... at times agree and support your MILs decisions, so that your husband sees that you are not biased. And at times, you can agree to some part and alter some other parts. This way, he will slowly begin to have faith in your decision making abilities, and may eventually involve you in all such activities.

Anyway, don' t be too worried. You' re young and newly married. With time and age, a lot more problems crop up, so enjoy this time and don' t worry too much about the future. It will take care of itself. Mel replied. You know, I must have answered countless posts by women about their MILs. And because of my own personal experience and after reading theirs, I feel angry at MILs who are so mean.

And I always promise myself that I will try my best to be kind and caring to my DIL no matter how she may be, so that my son will be happy.

BUT, HONESTLY, WHEN MY SON GROWS UP AND GETS MARRIED, I HOPE TO GOD THAT I DON' T GET A DIL LIKE YOU.

I don' t want to sound mean, but I think you are just TOO selfish. What is the big deal if he asks his mother ? His mother has a big heart and she counts you as a part of her family. That' s why she is open with you, and discusses everything with you. But, you have a small heart. And you want everything for yourself ? What if your MIL also wanted her son only for herself ? CAN YOU EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT PROBLEMS THAT WOULD CREATE FOR YOU ? Luckily for you, your MIL is not engaging in a power struggle with you. She' s not competing with you for her son' s attention, and she believes that he is both hers and yours. And she also believes that you are an integral part of her family. But, you want your husband all to yourself ? ' YOU ARE THE OWNER OF HIS LIFE NOW.' These are your words. Who gave you ownership ? God ? Or you, yourself ?

Look at women around you who are suffering at the hands of their husbands and ILs. You' re in an environment that women would be so happy to have. Put aside your selfishness and start behaving like a human being first, and then a DIL, that is worthy enough of an MIL like yours.