Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi I am Hema,
I have been married for 6 yrs.
I would like some feedback about how to best deal with a situation involving my MIL.
I have had a very rocky relationship her,and i think in retrospect it is because of insecurity both on her side ( she is a widow of 15 yrs) and my own insecurity as my husband is a real mamas boy.I have let go alot and am trying to not be affected by her small minded behaviour.
I was wondering how others would go about mending such a relationship....would you try to be extremely nice or just neutral and would you try to be very communicative or just wait for situations to arise.My MIL lives with us for some time each year,and is not here at the moment, so i just wanted to formulate a plan.
Thankyou so much,
Hema rashmi replied. I have gone from a cold,uncomunicative relationship to a warm friendly relationship with my mil so I hope this will help.Mine was a love marriage and so our cultures were really different and so I was compared a lot to my elder sis-in-law who is a flatterer.Also my mil was very problematic during my pregnancy and then we fought(my husband on her side ofcourse) and didn't talk for 2 years.Then I realised this cannot go on and so started by wishing her on her birthday and anniversary and she wished me on mine.Then during our vacation in India,I proactively communicated with her,took her advice,went out with her and stayed back 2 weeks with her after my husband returned.It was not easy.Most of the time my children and I could not consume the spicy food she prepared and they all hated the bland food I prepared.My sil's spoit children made life miserable for my children but I was prepared to take everything on my stride and succeded.My mil also saw that my felling were genuine and not false like my sil's and now I enjoy a good,warm relationship with her. Christable replied. Talk of it openly with your hubby. Obvoiusly dont blame yor MIL, but try to explain to him that though his Mother is right in her points, even you are not wrong, and its the generation gap that is creating the problem, so make him understand that he should poke his nose in matters that affects you and should reach to some kind o proper solutions which will go against none nor your MIL, nor you.
Make him see points that as you have come from a diferent family thus your values and her's are diofferent and that it is not your alone's responsiobility to adjust but others must adjust too.
Make him understand that as you have come to his house after leaving all your parrents and sibblings it is his and his family's duty to look after you, in all aspoects, and not to make you feel that you donot belong to this place. Rather they should create an atmosphere where you can feel at home.
Try to solve matter with your MIL, byn talking openly with her in all possible subjects, starting from yours and her health to house hold cores and responsiobility, to films, etc.