Relationships  Discussion Forum

I would like to say thanks to a colleague of mine who refered this board to me.
I am in a very confused state of mind right now and wanted suggestions. Wen I spoke to my friend she refered this site to me.
And this place is indeed very happening. Unknown ppl are helping each other. We never know who wil get benefited by this. God bless all of u.
Now,coming to my issue.
I am a 24 year old girl. I met this guys(28 yr old),whom I am going to marry now, almost 2 yrs back. In 2006 end.. we were working in the same office. We met each other through a common friend. Things got started tht way. We realized that we had similar upbringing and similar thinking too. Its very difficult anyway to find ppl of similar thinking. Both of us brought up outside our homes. So we were broad minded too, and best thing was he accepted me though I had a relationship at tht time which was just broken. harldy 2-3 months back. He asked me though why we broke up etc. and then we started our relationship. In a months’ time we committed ourselves to marriage. He told his parents and they agreed and I told my parents and they too were ok in 2 months time. After this the tragedy was he got an onsite opportunity to USA. I asked him several times if it was necessary to go. He too thought about it..but eventually decided to go. He said the money earned there would b useful to our married life.after reaching there we kept in touch through mails./calls/chat etc. things were good. We trusted each other a lot. Not even for a minute I got a thought on wat he may b doing etc. he too trusted me.we never had any probs. Then our marriage got fixed in may. For nov this year. He was very happy about this and so was i.
Now the issue is we r having too many arguments on things like settling down. He is in US and wants to b there for 2 more yrs. Whereas I prefer in India since I cant wrk there because of this the arguments got very heated and he got worked up and me too.. he started hurting me and being sarcastic at me.because I was nit accepting his decision. So we had fights.finally,now afer lot of talks it is decided tht he wil b abck in India to settle down. But he wants 2-3 months in the US after the marriage so tht he can complete this project and come. So ill b in India for 2-3 months after the marr and then he wil join me.
Now wat has happened is because of this one issue we both got hurt a lot…and feelings have got out from me. We said things like lets not get married etc
And it has never been possible for me to believe him afer tht..its gone to the extent tht I don’t trust him wrt to girls also. Things have never been like this and I am scared where the relationship is heading.anyway now things r settled. But from my end my mind is not able ot accept him fully now. He is ok now.his normal self.because of this I am undergoing depression. And am me no mood to get married.i think it wil take me time to regain my feelings. Sometime I feel I am being immature and not understanding him because genrally he agrees to wat isay on most ocassions
Do such arguments happen between couples.? Wat is the outcome…
nn replied. Thank u all for your mails...has helled me look at the positives of my relationship a married man replied. Dear nn,

i am quoting your two important statements here:
1. \" Sometime I feel I am being immature and not understanding him because genrally he agrees to wat isay on most ocassions.\"

Based on what you wrote, your would-be is in deep love with you. I am not telling you dont love him. but my question is, Do you love him for what he is or do you love him for your life security? Because you have ego and you are feeling insecure. This may be because ' you already broken in one relationship' or ' i would say you are not matured at all in this regard' .

I am not saying this is your fault, because now a days, most of the girls are not matured enough to understand what is female freedom and what is life. You want to be yourself all the time. That is perfectly alright. And you also want everyone to adjust themself for you just to be yourself. Am i right? answer me for this. If they want to themself all the time and if they dont want to adjust for you for anything, what will happen? The relationship ends there. This is not female freedom. This is female domination.
what you can do is, consult a good marriage counsoler and tell your problem. They will suggest some good way.
cntd... R replied. Hello NN,

First i can see how much you must be feeling the ' pitching and rolling' - like the ship in a storm.

The fact that the two of you are talking about such important matters is a good reason to beleive that the relationship is on a strong foundation. From the ' lovey-dovey' period of coutship you are on the threshold of making an important comittment - getting married.

Getting Married and peaking on career almost coincide and one feels one is at ' cross roads' . Well both are important and there are no ready made ' correct answers' . The two of you would have to talk it out - yes there could be emotional outbursts - it is good and with a strong foundation you will cruise. What one would need and develope constantly is ' Compassionate Communication' to put is simply - simple, strong, powerful communication - now this is not to sound like IT, Learnig and Development!!. The needs are, perhaps, more imporant here than there!!

Trusts this gives you something to think about........

Regards