Relationships  Discussion Forum

I don' t agree with the points raised in your post that it is ok for men to go to p... sites and watch DVDS. A woman in these instances has the perfect body, perfect everything, and then many men start comparing their wives to these women and want them to be like them etc etc. Therefore to me not only is it the first step to cheating but also unhealthy for a marriage.

A real woman/wife gives birth, works, cooks, cleans and does many other things where she can' t afford to look like a goddess of perfection. and when men indulge in these things they do not value or find what they have next to them attractive or worthy of anything.

So my advise to you Seher is that you tell him this has to stop and if he can' t then you leave him because it is only a matter of time before he cheats on you if he hasn' t already. You say that your husband travels and you also travel...if he can carry such movies with him what makes you think he has not be shagging other women too? Don' t be fooled friend...men come up with all sorts of excuses making everything sound normal and common to get away.

And even Anjum in the end turned out to be a 50 year old man which he didn' t tell you in the beginning and posed to be a woman...that is why he was so adamant to protect your husband and make it sound like you over reacted and it is all your fault! Ashok replied. Hello i am a new one on this site. I have been following this issue.

Seher discovered her hubby' s secret.......in all counts he is commited to her and her family. Desmond Morris would say ' it is the male sexuality' . A essential part of human growth and to hone the instincts to keep the human race going - talking macroscopically. If women were not ' attractive' evolution would have stopped!!!. Sorry to Charles Darwin.

As human.........we all do have the sense of sexual attraction......if it were not for that marriages would not happen and many marriages would fail!!.
The sexual attraction does not happen on the eve of getting married.

The sexual impulses keep imapacting all the time. Afterall there are always young people who send out the courting signals that Desmond Morris would speak about.

Humans need a ' shot' of the sexual impulse if it were not for that......sex would be absent after a few years of being married.

We are ANIMALS!! at the end of the day.

Now being married does not mean one would enter the ' core' of the partner. Some degree of privacy is to be permitted. It is healthy to allow that.

One can imagine many ifs and buts.........one would have to bank on the trust and faith built in the early part of the marriage. Things can still fail - Murphy' s Laws........

A DVD and watching a prno does not signal the start of the worst to come.

He may have kept it a secret because may be these things are taboo subjects. Now that you know about it and can see it as a healthy part of the psyche. He will find it more easy to accpet himself and may be share more of these with you.

It is a storm in a tea cup. and leave it there.

Thank you for reading through. Seher replied. My post has raised quite a debate. Many points you make about addiction and comparison are valid but they do not apply to me. My husband does not compare me to other women and he does find me attractive. Even now after 10 years of marriage he is physical towards me, we touch, hold hands when we go out and many such things. He tells me I am gorgeous or beautiful and it does not sound pretentious. He would not do all these things if he were not attracted to me.

Also, I can' t leave my husband for watching DVDs. If I were to find out that he had physcially been with another woman that would be a totally new story. But so far I have not come across anything like that.

I agree with your points, some times people get addicted to p...n and then the effects of this on your family life and marriage are huge.

I don' t know if my husband is an addict or not. All I know is p...n is real and a part of our life. S.x sells right...it is all around us and we can' t do anything about it.

I would love to hear what other women' s opinions are, I am sure this issue is a part of many peoples' life. same old man replied. Dear Shalini,

Going by your suggestion that \" A real woman/wife gives birth, works, cooks, cleans and does many other things where she can' t afford to look like a goddess of perfection\" and hence it is wrong to watch such films, I have the following to say :

If that be the case, wont it be wrong to watch Indian movies? The saas bahu serials, even the James Bond and Jackie Chan movies and also reading a host of other novels? Is it also wrong to masturbate for married man and women? How about scores of those women whose husbands just work upto their satisfaction on bed and do not even have the understanding that the woman deserves an orgasm?

Are you an activist in favor of a ban on prostitution? Is that not wrong enough? As per published data 60% of western society homes are affected by extramarital affairs, the Indian metro picture cant be much different, are they not wrong? With our judiciary murderers and rapists walk free every day on our streets, is that correct? NO, A BIG NO, but the point is where to draw a line?

You cant be puritan, you got to be pragmatic. No court will grant you a divorce because you pried into the bathroom and discovered your husband masturbating!

Keep writing, I welcome the debate.