Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hello everyone,
Iam a 33 old women living abroad.I got a 4 old kid.This is really long but please aadvise me.

I dont how to start my problem,my marriage was a love marriage ,my husband being a Brahmin and myself quiet opposite.My husbands parents looks like they accepted me...but kind of not completely.My mil doesnt eat even prasad from temple i give her.If i cook anything it is just left off with a very polite reason.When i visited last time to India ,i have seen a hell..my daughter who was then 2yr was constantly compared to my husbands brothers daughter ...that she is good ...my daughter was treated like a dummy....that my daughter doesnt have qualities of independence...as soon as she got up from bed she my mil ..oohh you got up...u were born first or your way of crying....AND LOT MORE.I cant forget anything.


And coming to my husband,there are 2 things always in my mind.
1.He had an affair with a lady in abroad just before my marriage.(i was waiting for him in India)
2.He really behaved very badly when i have come to join him in US after my baby was born.He says i didnt stay in his parents for enough time and he has shown all his vengence on me(my heart really broke,its more than 3yrs,but my eyes fill water even i think of one incident).

Both these incidents have really made me emotionally thrown out.Though i dont think the first one much ,but the thought of hime behaving so badly when i came with my baby for first time make me insecure.

I find my husband too egoistic(though all the males are).He says i give answers to him.Yday for example...i went out and he made just come veg curry for everyone...and he wanted to give just curry to my daughter.i told as we went out on long drive..she didnt eat anything so give her some soolid food .he was very upset with that.he was saying u dont let me do anything.

His ego was very badly hit.He keeps changing.His thoughts are never same.He never appreciates me for anything.(cant remember the last one).If i do any small wrong he will start blaming me.He says the way ,my duaghter is behaving is just beacuse of me.i dont understand him.i really look for some affection from him.but i dont get any.if want to discuss anything with him i better not discuss with him.His ego is important for him.He says whatever he is doing is everything for me.I really get killed on listening to his sarcastis words.I feel my parents are the only people who can talk normally to me.My husband doesnt give me any surprises or gifts anytime.He doesnt mind spending a day with his friends having eer on our weeding days.

.I had a good job in india which i left and here in this counrty also i had a job. before my kid.But now finding it hard to find.May be i will have another kid ...and then after do i have to sit at home.beacuse career has always been something i wanted to be into.we are planning to go to india and settle very soon.my husband thinks has been neglecting them satying abroad and also he married me(oout off caste).He may want to stay just opp to my mil home .But what about my kids,they have always been taunted.And my parents cannot come to my inlaws home.what about them.And looking at the way my husband behaves i feel he will change.then what about me...no job ...insecurity....and i dont know how ami going to land up.

Already i started feeling very inferior for not getting a job...from all negative comment from husband.Please advise me...
ss replied. I completely agree with the feedback given by \" Another girl\" since I myself has suffered in long and bad abusive marriage and husband. One addition other than what \" another girl\" has already told. Don' t go for second child, instead try to get a job and treat this as your top most priority, because if he really becomes abusive or disrespectful to you or your child than you will have to get out of this marriage. I would highly recommend you to read this best selling book in USA. It is a must read and eye opener and will answer to all of your questions.

Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don' t Know Why (Paperback)
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take care . ss Another Girl replied. Hi Supriya,

Your story is similar to most of the females out here who say that \" My husband shows no affection for me\" .
Believe me this is the case with 90% of the females whether they are working or whether they are home makers.

And you would also notice that the females who face this problem are mainly staying abroad. This is because, in foreign country an individual is short of relatives, is short of responsibilities as machines can do most of the work and many other reasons.

You said that \" You guys are planning to go to India soon\" , this is the best opportunity for you. Though you would be staying opposite MIL but you have your own freedom, you can go to your parents place, to your friends place and enjoy the gathering.

But I would definately suggest you not to have a second child. Concentrate on your only child. You said that your marriage is a love marriage, even then your husband had an affiar with an NRI in abroad. Why did you marry a cheat? And now also he does not respect you, blames you for everything.... dear girl...where is love...

Your husband has beer with his friends on wedding day, then whats the word \" Wedding FOR HIM\" ? Probably nothing.

You can try to work your realtionship with your husband by doing things which he likes, or some excitement... but to be true \" I really believe that you have already done so many things on your own and now when you are not responded the way you wanted to...you' ve got down here to India parenting\" . Everybody does that.

I would strongly suggest that you concentrate on your child. Also keep your expectations from your husband \" NIL\" . Then if he does something for you.... you may really like it.... but beware...expectations need to be \" NIL\" .

As far as your child is concerned.. she needs to be confident and she will be confident when you have confidence in your child. Teach her a simple lesson... \" You would get respect only if you have the power\" .

She is a girl child... but tell her that she is not in anyway inferior to any other child in this world...infact she is just the best... atleast for you.
Also when your baby girl is big enough, rejoin your job... It is very necessary for a female to be working because that can help regaining confidence which has been shattered by families or husbands. Call centre won' t be bad. You are abroad, were working...so English should not be bad... so start with a call center. Make your child the motto of your life and you would really feel happiness within you when you see your child happy.. But remember she is a girl child... and has to go to some other place one day...

Take Care