Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all.

i am in a very serious problem.this is becasue of my marr. my marriage has been fixed in august to the guy whom i had chosen(love marr).our parents havev accepted and have arranged the marriage. but he went onsite 8 months back and now he wants the marriage to be postponed because he cannot come back since he is in a critical project which is going to give him a promotion. in such a situation waht can i do. should i wait for him. i m not liking any body else.neither i have problem gettingmarried next yr.my only question is do such situations happen.i am 24 and he is 26.he promises tht he wil come back in feb for the marrigae. Sanika replied. AA:

Good to know that he is not under any other pressure.

Even you agree that he is in a pressurized job. Believe me this is going to continue in life.

Just talk to him, and am sure he will understand. Assure him that you are not going to come as an hurdle in his career growth, otherwise HE will think otherwise. Still if he doesnt agree, ask him point blank about his intentions and tell him that this behaviour is creating doubts in your mind.
See what he says

Keep us posted.
Sanika replied. AA:

I hope that even his parents have agreed and accepted your marriage. Ask him point blank, what is their opinion and if he is under any pressure other than work.

My hubby too is in IT and is onsite for last 4 months now, i am going to have a baby in a month' s time. I just hope he comes back on time. But to be very frank and acceptable, this is the case in IT. Projects do get extended and its really tough to get out of it.

Ofcourse, he can take a week' s break for his own marriage and return. you ask what is the project end date, should you start applying for your visa and all, so that you will get some hint of his intentions.

I am sure you both love each other, but as you said that he is 26 years old, this is the age where a boy needs to prove himself. If this is a job which demands commitment, I think you should talk to him and support him and say that you will not force him to stay back, or hold him in his career growth. Please understand that performance and work is equally important in today' s world where there is no guarantee when your employer may ask you to move on.

I dont think you should doubt on him, but be clear about your and his intentions.

Just see, if he is under any pressure other (parental) than work, tell him that come back for a week' s time as everything is ready for marraige and he can leave ASAP.

Keep us posted.
Ritika replied. Hi aa,

And what is to say that this ' critical' project won' t go beyond Feb? And what if his promotion does not come through?

Is he in the country? Since he went onsite 8 months back, its not like managers or team leads haven' t formed an idea about how good he is...I' m sure anyone will understand if he needs to take a few days off for his own wedding..nobody expects that people will put their personal lives on hold for 2 years just because they are working...specially when a wedding date is set and all arrangements are being made...

Ask him whether he has told his boss that he is getting married in August and if he could take off for 4-5 days...if he has not even spoken to his boss about it then your fiance is giving a really lame excuse in my opinion...

I could understand if it was a sudden short project..but a 1+ year one??!! and he couldn' t find a single free day in between to get married??!!!

I would have a long, long talk about this with him because seriously this is something that is indicative of more things...like his priorities in life...

Marriage is important but marrying the right guy is even more important..so tread carefully on this one...

What do your parents say btw?? aa replied. thks indian and thks namita.i dont doubt that he has anothr woman in his life. i doubt why he is not giving relationship importance more than anything else.
and answering namita,yes i do love him still.but such problems have made it difficult to adjust with him. he does have double standards at times but in this regards i know ttht his concern is genuine.still i am not able to convince my self. indian replied. projects may take a little longer than expected.... that is not an issue here.
you have to ask q to your self. do you doubt him even a little. what made you think so.

your ans.. would give you an answer..... Namita replied. first ask urself do u love him? if the ans. if yes then shudnt hve this doubt .. dnt u hve trust fr ur love or was he a double standrad person?