Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear friends,
i feel very low and depressed.i am married for 3 yrs and have a two year old boy.my husband' s job require him to travel a lot.right now he is abroad since 1 month and will be back by two more weeks.and this kind of travelling happens frequently.since my marriage i am trying to adjust with the kind of job he has but couldnt do it at all.from the day he leave,i start counting days and so the wait is killing me.my hubby is very upset and frustrated with me b' cause of this.i call him 4-5 times a day and ask him about his return.the fact is that he himself dont know when he will be able to finish the job and can come back.his phone bills are very large b' cause of me and he says it is difficult for him to explain this to his company.
i am just not able to divert my mind anywhere else and not even able to take care of my child the way i want.please help me. Namita replied. i m happy tht u agree with Sk ... i u have genuinely understood wht Sk have said and are looking forward to wrk out then 1st thing is write a mail to ur husband ... let him know tht u dnt wnt to disturb him with ur issues .. may be u r behaving childish as u cnt stay without him etc. etc. ... some love notes and promise him tht u have already started working on it .. he vl feel better

rest all Sk have precisely mentioned .. good work neena replied. Dear lonely,
u have genuine issue. carrying the family burden by urself most of the time n missing ur hubby terribly. u r totally justified in feeling low n lonely but looks like the situation is going out of hands now. seems like ur hubby is understanding but now he has started getting irritated. i see hope in ur situation. u have also asked how to begin yoga. to clam down ur mind u can do pranayams in the morning for 15-30 mins. books are available but its best to learn it from trainers. join baba ramdev' s classes or watch the videos , plz dont think i am advertizing any particular person :-)
anyother source will do just fine. pranayamm will make u calm n give u clarity of mind and patience. imagine urself in hubby' s situation, would u like him to call u 5 times in the middle of ur work? if u miss him u can convey the same without bugging him too much so dont bring up issues when he is in office. as he progresses more in his career may be he can opt for a job with less travel. convey ur feelings to him when he is relaxed n plan for ur life together. please adjust a bit more, change ur lifestyle. it will make u more interesting and attractive person to who ur hubby would love to come back to when his whenever the trip gets over. its great that u have a career too... my hubby is out of station for two days for work n if i wouldnot have to come to office , then God only knows i would have become mad staying at home and listening to my in-laws' s comments and complains. We all have to adjust n make the best out of a situation. please take heart n break this pattern of feeling lonely n depressed at the end of the day. Sk replied.
I am glad that you found my tips helpful.I stay in Gurgaon (Delhi NCR).
For Yoga and medidation , I have a personal trainer who comes home.Since I am alone in the evening , I have a lady personal trainer who comes over.She has also given me a diet which have helped me to reduce weight too.You can try a personal trainer too.They are a bit costly but give you personal attention and if they come at home , then you have to do unlike group classes where you may feel lethargic to go.For my dance classes , I attend my classes which is near to my place thrice a week imcluding weeeknds.Make sure that you speak to your husband every alternate days for few minutes , keep him updated with the family happenings and office happenings because although he is outside town , still he would be interested to know whats happening in his family and your work.Try to know how his day at work went and whats happening in his office too.I take tips from my husband for every presenatation I prepare and for my team handling.we also exchange constant SMS and mails.these things help us to keep in touch even if we donot get to speak everyday.At times , I make an early morning call to his hotel room to wake him up and then we speak for 2 mins and my hubby loves it. Keep me posted how it goes and have fun !!! Sk replied. Dear Lonely,

I completely empathise with you.Even I have been married for the past 2.5 years do not have a baby till now.
My husband and myself stay in a separate city than my in-laws, my parents too are in a different city. As you mention even my husband has extensive travellimg job. His one trip ranges for 3-4weeks and then he stays at home for a week and then again he is out for 2-3 weeks.this has been going on for the past 2.5 years.This travelling schedule will remain till the time he is in this job , however I have never till date asked him to change his job because he has good career prospects in his company.
Fortunately , I have a good job too that keeps me busy throughout and even on the weekends when I have off , I attend my Yoga and dance classes.I have a hobby of gardening too.This three things really keep me busy.Apart from that I do regular household chores too.

I have few suggestions for you:

- Develop a hobby and pursue it.eg: cooking ,reading,writing.This will not keep you busy but will diverse your thoughts from your husband.
- You said that you have a kid too , then spend quality time with him.Take him out to park,walk,play with him.Catch a children movie with him.He will love it.
- Why don’t you work ? Your job will not only pay you but when you get to meet other people/colleagues they become good friends too.
- Don’t bother your husband by calling him 4-5 times a day , he is bound to get irritated and angry.His problem of phone bill is genuine and practical.Instead when is back , spend quality time with him , go out for a sort holiday for 2-3 days.This will energise both of you and your kid will love it too.
- Don’t be depressed and let loniliness eat you.Try yoga , meditation.Do walk and cheer up.Don’t make your husband feel guilty that he is not spending time with you and your kid , instead be his strength and motivate him , he will be happy with you.Understand that at the end of the day he is workign hard for you and your baby.I am sure that he too misses you and his kid equally as you do.

Hope some of my suggestions help you.

All the best, SK