Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all,

I have problem with my parents. I married my own cousin (father' s sister' s son)8 years ago.My parents had good relationship with my husband' s parents. They loved my husband very much. But when they came to know about me and my cousin loving each other they opposed. My cousin had some business which went under loss. But my parents knew my cousin' s capability also. Still they opposed a lot and it went to the extent that they lodged a complaint against my cousin' s parents as I had went to their house without telling my parents. I was forced to leave my parents and married my cousin. My father' s and mother' s parents tried to convince my parents in my marriage issue but they were not convinced. I had to take this step as I knew that my cousin would be my best life-partner. Till today, my parents behaviour towards me is not at all positive. They got my younger sister married to a guy whom they fixed. They do partiality. They always call me whenever they have function at home or any puja. They even differentiate my children with my sister' s child.They never came and helped me when I was pregnant for 2 times. Whereas they looked after my sister from her pre-delivery period to the post-delivery period and still they help her a lot. My husband says that they have the same old grudge and anger which they do not show out. Its better to leave their contact. My husband helped me a lot in reforming my relationship with my parents. But still my parents are so adamant that they dont bother about me.I am so much attached to them that either I am not able to leave them completely or continue relationship with them. They always neglect me with their deeds and talks that I really get disturbed and inturn my whole family will get disturbed. Even my sister is not co-operative. She always tries to keep me away from my parents.If I leave my parents completely my husband' s relations would speak as they want and ask me my parent' s absence in any of our family function. If I continue having relationship with my parents and sister I would be disturbed mentally. They have neither accepted my nor my husband and children till today. Please help me out in this regard !! niva replied. hello, i think you should decide your priorities first--- taking care of your kids, it does not mean only bathing , feeding and putting tehm to bed, but playing, story times, outings, loving, pampering ...helping them grow... taking care of your husband, your inlaws, in that order unless someone is sick or needs special care.
you need to take care of yourself too for if you are not in good health--- mentally, physically and spiritually, you will not be able to do any of the above properly.
now make a list of al those who help you in doing your duties and your work---it can be your friends, doctor, neighbours, relations even your servant. check out who gives you practical help, good advice, motivates and appreciates you, makes you feel good so that you can do all of the above. surround yourself with those who think and do positive things for you.
your parents have been hurt by your choice, but now are they with you or just using you and playing with your emotions? i feel you should take a break, go to a peaceful vacation, loose contact with all those who do not care for your feelings, and respond to them only if they come back to yopu with affection. afterall you are looking for that only in arelation. if there is no affection then does it all feel worth it? you are attached to them. but for a moment detach yourself and look at your problem as if it is being faced by one of your friends. when you look at it from the eyes of a third person, you will be able to see clearly what is happening. i know it is easy to give advice but if you do this things will be very clear and you can then choose what to do. i can trust you in your actions as i can gauze your emotional status compared to taht of your sister or your parents. i am sure things wont have been this way if you would have been the only child of your parents. then, either they would have accepted you with open heart or completely rejected you, not used you so meanly.
parents should understand that they can give birth to children but cannot dictate their future, they can guide you but leave the desicion making to you, but harassing a child mentally, no they do not have that right.
do not be affected by their actions, start afresh, give them time, and you take time , respond to love not to meanness. if one can be mean to you they will never be there for your kids too.
sometimes silence can get thing s across, if it fails accept that you will have to enjoy life without their presence. love your kids and do to them what you wannted to be done to you by your mother. afterall God has given you two wonderful chances to improve life!
God bless you. Regards
Pooja replied. Hi Dear,

I can understand what u must be going thru but sometimes parents becomesoo egoistic that they really stop caring about their child' s happiness and feelings.

Try and understand their pshycology as well. They must have been in great pain when you took that decision....I think till now u' ve tried ur best to make up with them.. 8 yrs is a pretty long time. by this time they shud have forgiven you for the mistake(as per them)u did. Now stop talking to ur parents n sis for sometime n look for their reactions ....just wait for li' l longer and see. I think if they really love u they will come back to you and if they won' t that will mean that they have really not forgiven you till now and they never will. So be concerned about them but stop talking and visiting them.
I know parents are very imp. especially for girls but then u reaaly need t work out on his.