Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi
dunno where to start all this.. first with a briefing of what am... am doin grad in medicine(intern).. am in love with a guy for past seven years..problem is we dont belong to same caste.. he is all well settled n a genuinely a nice guy... has been there for me but all these years of ups n downs... i have virtually grown up lovin him... caste was never an issue at home but now when we talked of marriage at my home they are dead against it... but i love him so much tht cant marry anybody else.... ma n dad are dead against it.. have been tryin convince them for three years now.. but they dont seem to understand the relationship at all... last week my parents took me to my granny' s place n shut me up in a room... and in filmy style all my fathers cousins sat all around me shoutin n callin me all sorts of names when my papa just sat as a mute spectator...they had planned not to let me cum bac to my college to finish my course n marry me of in a month.. this confinin me in aroom went on for two days non stop.... it was hell... they told me it ll kill my parents if i do anythin of tht sort... i could feel dead faces floatin front of me... i couldn' t bear it n broke down n promised my mother tht i ll break all contact with the guy.... then at last they let me cum bac to continue my studies.... now am feelin lost n split between my parents n him... i love them both... contemplated suicide but tht seemed acowards way out so left it but now i dunno what to do.. whether to keep the promise or break it.... how to make my parents agree when they are so dead against it... can i ever desensitise them to caste issue... or shall i forget all my dreams n leave this guy n get married to anybody they ask me to... am feelin i ll die of guilt if i marry sumbody else... dunno whether i expressed myself coherently but am in agony of indecision.... Namita replied. when u r sure tht this guy loves u, cares for you n is also taking equall efforts, i think this caste issue is of waste .. i hve seen people getting married in same cast and going thru hell ... first concentrate on studies .. finish it .. make ur career ... then u can firmly spk with ur parents abt wht u want ... till then b in contact with him thru mails, make him understnd Namita replied. u hve nto mentioned nything abt tht guy ... is he in love with u and ready to marry u .. ishe taking ny efforts to meet ur parents or convince them .. wht abt his prents? is this guy ok? y r ur parents against only bcoz of cast or something in this guy shwetabhargav replied. hmmm.... all of guys are right... even i dont wanna get married for two years more...but my parents are forcing me... think the first thing i ll have to do is to stand up to my parents and tell them i wanna finish my studies first before i get married... then will think of marriage... when i wrote this msg originally my mind was all hazy n numb but am better now... as another girl said am close to my father... may be i can talk to him when tempers have cooled down a bit....its amazind how many pple cum forward to help u if u ask for it... wonderful.... thanx everybody.... Another Girl replied. Hi Shweta,

Can' t say relax, because it’s not the time to do so. But as suggested by other members, you should concentrate on your studies and prefer completing them first. Once you become an independent girl, then decide and discuss marriage. Since you are still doing graduation, may be your parents are thinking that you are still an immature girl who just has seen some movies and is attracted to a guy and now calls it love.

Once you complete your studies and are a working lady, then you' ll probably have three options:
1. Discuss the matter more openly with your parents, especially dad (Dad’s are always close to girl child). If they agree, then well, else Run away and marry your loved one. Don' t worry about stupid relatives relatives are born for criticizing (at least in India). As far as they say that your parents will kill themselves, dear girl, parents want their kids happy and incase they marry without parents permission, parents either break their contact with their kids or accept them..... Life is really too precious to loose

2. Do what your parents say and marry someone else (Please don' t marry somebody else and destroy the other person' s life if you can' t love him)

3. Tell your parents, that you won' t marry anybody (i.e. not even this guy nor anybody else) In that way, you won' t die of guilt nor your parents will have to face any questions from relatives.

Remember one thing, parents always love their kids, they only fear this society. To remove their fear, you can put up questions to your parents like, “If you marry a boy of their choice, and the marriage doesn’t work and you are unhappy, then what will parents say? Will they ask you to continue for the sake of society or get you divorced and fight with this society?” Give some examples of your relatives (if any) who have met the crisis of divorce…or ones who have fought and are living happily with their loved ones.

Hope you get what you want…. sonu replied. I understand how u r feeling!

But, I feel, ur first problem is to finish ur studies rather than convincing ur parents on ur love.

Now you are in mid of your studies and first finish them. Till then, Pl dont be in contacts with that guy and let him know that u both will convince ur parents after ur studies. And till then ,he has to wait.
In this mean time , U can get ur parents confidence while not meeting this guy. After u finish ur studies,Then you can see how u can convince ur parents.
But ,tell ur parents that you are not going to marry until you settle in your career.
good luck!
What the reasons ur parents tell u for not liking him? Probably,they love you so they might have expected any other problems frm different angles from ur marriage .