Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi there,

I hope I can get some good advices. I am really in need of one….

Well, to start with, I got married (arrange) on 15th Jan 2007 and I am currently expecting (I am 15 weeks pregnant). I have got a very loving and caring husband and a non interfering inlaws. I and my hubby live in Mumbai whereas my in-laws are in Lukhnow. My husband has a big family (7 siblings…he being the youngest). My In-laws are very well to do and so are all my husband’s siblings (Most of them are in civil services).

My in-laws who never ever interfere in our personal lives are so cut off with us that they have not even taken me to their house after our marriage. We got married in Delhi (where my mommy, daddy lives) and after my marriage they went to Lukhnow and I & my hubby to Mumbai. There was no reception…nothing after the wedding. I didn’t get a single gift from my in-laws which I am kind of okay with.

Now, my problem is my mother who is pressurizing me to visit my in-laws at least once. She is not happy that I have not visited my in-laws even once after wedding. However, My MIL simply said “NO” when my husband informed her that we will be coming to her place in January. She is okay if my husband goes there but she is not okay if I come there. My husband says this is probably coz I am pregnant and she cannot take care of me….but this is not the 1st time she said “No” bluntly. Even when I was not pregnant and I asked her if I can come to meet her in Holi she said No and gave all silly excuses.

My in-laws (MIL, FIL, 2SILs with their kids) came to Mumbai in April and were very happy with me. My MIL even told my mom that my mom has given me very good sanskar. Whenever my mom calls her up on festivals etc., she always praises me. But somehow when I talk to her on phone she sounds rude. I don’t know what’s wrong and why she don’t want me to come to her place but I feel rejected whenever she says no for my visit.

I never told my parents about all these but today in the morning as my mommy was very upset with me for not visiting my in-laws…… I told her everything and made her more upset. I am feeling very bad for my mom as I know she will now start worrying for me even more. Since morning, she called me up 4 times to ask if I am not lying that all is okay between me and my husband and that I am not hiding anything from her.

I don’t know what to do? Even I keep thinking what Mistake I made coz of which my MIL doesn’t like me at all.

Can someone tell me if this is a problem or I am unnecessarily thinking too much? Please advice.
Namita replied. i think she is old enough may be around 70 yrs as u said 7 sibblings and ur husabnd is the youngest one .... so at this age she might not be able to take good care of u during pregnancy .. some DIL expects MIL to make things what they want during pregnancy, so she might b worried abt. it .... abt. her telling u NO before pregnancy, might be any reason ... bt. y r u worrying and y r u so much concerned abt. going there .... just feel lucky with good husband and good IL' s, u might have read lots of prob. here ... so thank God and b happy ... dnt create unncessary prob' s in ur life

Abt. ur mother, tell her u vl visit them with ur child or when ur MIL invites as u dont want to hurt them by disobeying king uncle replied. Dear Smrity,
Do not worry all is well.you are pregnant and what is most important now is the child' s well being.You will win over your MIL.beleive me!But right now is not the time.Right now you have to take out all the worries from your mind and relax.You have won more than half the battle as FIL and SIL visited you and were happy with you.Even you MIL praises you.When you meet her with the child nothing can stop things to get better.So now enjoy your pregnancy and feel of the child.All good things are falling into place.Wait for the delivery! Srey replied. You are taking this to hard. Relax, breathe in breathe out.

Sounds like me when I first got married. But, that was a long time ago, HOnestly, Though I love my MIL......I still fell different around her. I still don' t know her that well.

Do what I do.....Go visit her anyway. Trust me, she is not going to dislike you. Why, would she. She is about to be a grandparent, so I am sure she is very very happy about that.

Could be because, with the new baby and everything, she don' t want you to buy her gifts. And, I am sure you always do, right? She probably said \" no\" to the gifts that you were going to bring to here, and not the visitation itself.

Relax, and don' t be afraid to go over there. Advisor replied. Why are you worrying? I mean you are preganant, come-on. If your mom tells you to visit your in-laws tell her that you are waiting for the right-time.Give any lame excuse to shut her up.

Take good care of yourself, enjoy life with your husband. When your MIL is ready she will call you to visit them. If you are that much concerned, you should ask your husband. But probably your husband will not tell you the truth as you are expecting. take it easy. Its not a big deal. Ritika replied. Congrats on your pregnancy!!

Tell your mom that your MIL seemed happy with you when they had come to visit you.

Ask her not to keep pressurizing you as she is ending up upsetting you - which in turn might affect your unborn baby.

I think your MIL is fine and you are fine..maybe her house in LKO is not big enough or her circumstances are not great enough that she might want to hide those things from yo...I don' t know...it could be any number of things...rather than thinking too much about it, focus on the positive side...great husband and great MIL who praises you to your mom.

Relax...you' ve just been married..less than a year...take things slowly...maybe after the child' s birth, you can visit your in-laws...don' t think about it too much...I don' t think its that big a deal.