Relationships  Discussion Forum

Once cheated always cheated this applies to my friends story .
She got married at the tender age of 21 to the son of the closest friend of her father. They said he has graduated though not in actual . Showed fake factory to her father that this belongs to his son which turned out to be phony. She was working as a govt. teacher. They married happily elder daughter of whole family very lovely and innocent. Conceived immediately and gave birth to a daughter after 10 months of marriage. She did not tell anybody what she is facing at her in laws place. Truth was
1. He was not even graduate, non working, having extra marital affair even had two kids from that lady. Had all bad habbits drinking, stealing , lying etc.
2. She was suffering a lot as no one supported her MIL was a monster scolding , beating her.
She divorced him after 7 years of marriage and little support from her parents and friends including us. After few years parents started searching for a mate again this time she was bearing stigma of divorcee and having teenage daughter of 13 years who was growing up fast and there was nobody else to look after her . She was reluctant to remarry but agreed for the sake of parents . They found a groom in 2007 whose wife expired and had two kids. Here situation was worst
1. They took all the jewellery all her savings , started beating her daughter and her
2. His wife was not expired committed suicide due to torture and ill treatment by her in laws and husband
3. She became bankrupt
4. Her daughter sole purpose of her happiness cut her vein and tried to commit suicide seeing so much torture and pain
5. She went under depression and started talking absurd behaving pathetic lost so much weight gaunt like figure
Her parents came to know about her and told her to get separated. She did the same now separated and living alone in a hired accommodation with her daughter . I met her few days back and just could not stop my tears seeing her vulnerability. She was so silent, thin , depressed , talking non sense about ending her and her daughter’s life
I wish I could do something for her please suggest how can we make her life better . if you see her past pictures you will be shocked she was so sweet , talkative, brilliant , very artistic , simple and beautiful now …
Please help


abc replied. Yes you people are so correct we should spend time with her and her daughter. She had fantastic sense of humour before all the traumatized past . An ideal employee everyone at workplace was jealous of her . So full of life but second marriage has proven catastrophic for her . She has started doubting herself and her credibility/skills. Best part is she is still working .
Even her siblings have started ignoring her one of them said “ you manage at your own because we can not spare time on you we have our own problems and young kids to look after, you seem to problems always ”. They may be true upto some extent because all have young kids, demanding jobs , in laws problem etc.
We invited her on diwali and she was happy with my young kids was somewhat normal . She is fond of saag and makki roti so I am planning to cook the same and visit her tomorrow. We are trying our best but she needs to be strong .
Worst part is when one of them fell ill than she has to request neighbours to accompany her in the night. Nobody to take care of her . She is in her late thirties but looks very young she is thin and smart , nobody can say she is a mother of 13+ year old girl.
Advisor replied. Visit her frequently and be a good listener. Let her talk her heart out to you. Don' t suggest anything, she is greiving as she has gone though a lot. If she asks you what she should so then only you should speak up. Her life does not need to revolve around people she had relationship with. She need to focus on her existing relationships that is with her own duaghter than mourning over the lost relationships.

Its in her hand how she wants to live her life and what she wants to give to her daughter despite of her failures in life. If she wants to commit suicide because of the people who never cared for her in the first place, isn' t she foolish. Why to give tears to her daughters for someone who never loved or cared for them. She needs to set an example for her daughter on how woman can be strong.

Living single, raising a child with financial hardships is very very hard I know and its easier to say than do. But that is her test, extracting the best out of the situation, she is in. She needs to be a bit happy due to the fact that she is out of the torture she was facing everyday and now she can at least think straight. Bygone is bygone, needs to find other avenues to get the money back from her ex, or finding means to generate new cash.

Human life is very valuable, losing it over some stupid people is stupid.

Again, this is my perspective and you don' t need to show her a mirror by saying all these unless she is done with her past and ready to move on. That will only happen if you earn her trust by being there for her.

Its not necessary to be married to be happy. Her parents need to understand that. Its a good fortune to have a loving, caring sharing partner but its again a good fortune not to have one than sharing your bed with a monster. Srey replied.
1) Let her join a group. Victims of domestic violence. Look in the Yellow book for the number

2) Take her out, remind her that being single is better.

Smrity replied. I am feeling very sorry to know about your friend. God....it must be so painful. God bless her and her daughter.

I really appreciate that you are thinking to help your friend. I am not very good in advising but I feel you should immediately take her to a counselor. Just talking to her or spending time with her will not cure her...she has gone thru a lot and is now mentally disturbed. Apart from consulting a specialist, as Namita suggested spend more time with her, invite her to your place, go for movies, picnics etc. Also, take care f her little daughter. She also has gone thru hell in such a small life.

I am sure if you will do something with good intentions….you will get the desired result.
All the luck!!!!

Please keep us posted on her recovery.

Love, Smrity
Sloan replied. It' s very sad to read her story....I don' t know you are the type who belives in indian astrology.... why don' t you give a try by checking her astrology and do some prayers etc. I dunno after what she went through all this she would believe god or not but....sometimes this happens. So pls for once check her astrology chart and find out whether he timing is bad or what. Having a teenage daughter and bringing up as single mother is very painful and difficult. send her to sewing classes etc so she can occupy her time. I think she should be in the middle thirtees. She can move to a new place and start of a new life. Pls ask her to go to work and mingle around ppl outside.......I Namita replied. Your first line says it all

she shud have thought abt herself during her 1st marriage, when her life was getting hell, when she came to know that her husband is not working and having all bad habits there itself she should have come out

But again everyone have different upbringing, different peple around as this girl had no support which is most important

Now, u have to support her emotionally hope she is still working ... be in touch with her, go for outing on weekends with her and her daughter ... show her that atleast now she can live a peaceful life and she should think about her daughter' s future ... support her