Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,

im quite a regular reader of this board and thought of writing today.

i live in a big city in india.even before my marriage i always wished to be in abroad...the reason privacy and freedom in life.but i got married in a rich and wealthy family in india with a decent husband.

But the thing is as all women or rather i should say DIL face in our country is sasural related problems.im facing it too.
We have too many relatives and with relatives around(specially husband)you cannot have that kind of freedom which you desire for.i mean they are nice to me...but expectations like.....a good Bahu should respect elders,never answer back even if elders say anything hurting,take care of saas saasur,obey and follow family traditions and principals,careful in way of dressing in front of elders as well as what to talk etc...like many things.
why are DIL expected more in a house than a daughter???when i lived with my parents i was atleast much free to do what i wanted.See even in my sasural im free to do what i want but in front of relatives and others i expected to behave in certain way.WHY?

My bhabhi stays in US.i should not say such things for her,but she is free to do whatever she wants.Gets up at her own pretty time,gossips on phone for hours with friends,never bothered to work or support my brother,dosent even comes to india much so never being very close to my dad family....what i mean is she is expected to do what im expected to do,because she is far from India....lucky na.\" YEH MERI KISMAT HAI KEE MAIN US NAHI JA PAYI\" .I have accepted,even my mom says stop comparing your life with anyone and be happy in whatever god has given me.no doubt my hubby loves,even in -laws r ok...but is this enough in life.i want freedom,privacy and to live the way i want.
please girls im not jealous or bad,its just that i dont understand what to do in difficulty and times when im irritated.i feel if i would have been outside india living with a best conditions i would not have had any problems.
there are sooo many girs who might be having bigger problems than me..i know and they r adjusting.But i want to ask girls who live abroad and write mails on this board,what problems do they really have.?Y are they unhappy in life.Personal problems can be solved,otherwise u people are comfortable and in full freedom...enjoying your youth isnt it?
please tell me how to be content with whatever i have? Advisor replied. I know the other side of the grass is always green. and I think there is a way to get the best of both worlds.

If you are not working, try to get a job. If you are a good bahu your inlaws will allow, or you can convince them.

Sit down:

Write all the negatives about your current position, things you don' t like and wish to change

Then write down all the positives, things you immensely enjoy and would never want to change

After you have done that. Sit down the next day for an hour or so and write down what is important for you in your life, don' t write what you crave for but things that matter to you as a person.

Here is the disadv of living abroad.
1. If you are working then balancing work and life is very hard.
2. No help with any chores, everything you or your hubby needs to do. Expensive to hire help.
3. Poor social life, people abroad crave for family bonds if there family is in India.
Above all there your hubby could be your saas, Have you heard that adage: jiski sas na ho uski sau sase hoti hai.

Enjoy all the attention you are getting. I would say. If you want freedom, get a job and enjoy your work-place and go places you feel like going after you leave work-place and reach home.
Be happy. At least you are not counting every penny as people in US do.