hi hetal,
i asked for ur help 3 mts back regardin my daughters food eatin habits, her name is Netraa if u remember.. anyway her daily routine regardin food is good now but she has suddenly started throwin terrible tantrums, she is 20 mts old now, her dad was out of station for two mts and now that she is back she runs to him if i check her or to me if he does the same , falls on the floor, howls for as long as an hr... i ve researched the net i know abt troublesome tow's but i need some advice from indian pt of view, u know i dont believe in the concept of time outs ... etc. she has just started speakin small sentences,so expressin herself cld be a problem but its really makin me worried. i ll give u an example, like the nite before she was uncomfertable in the bed( she sleeps in a cot in our room) i thought that maybe she needs to go to the loo, so i picked her up, but then she got verryagressive, fell on the floor, didnt let anyone touch her , this started at 4 am, continued till 5 am, i finally left the room in despair thats when she came callin me n relaxed... i am verry worried wid her behaviour... what can i do, she does the same durin luch n dinner time some days. pls help if u can
thanks , n yes when r u due? u must be due sometime around end of this or next month na? best of luck for ur delivery may u ve a safe n easy one.
taruna Hetal replied. thanks for your patience,,sry couldnt sit longr aftr answrng some posts so loggd off ! m due netime now,,m at full term.
tantrums, tantrums,,just the right age

1. avoid the situations that you think are causing her to do such a behaviour,,if you do that, she will forget about doing tantrums for those reasons since they are not of repetitive nature.
2. try offerng her choices in her own way. instead of leaving her alone and gettng frstratd, if you leave her, she will continue to do the same in much more aggresvve way or she might hurt herself in future, if it continues to next level !
your 20months old is seeking independence in her prefernces and prob that what is making her get frstratd or cry for hours on carpet.
3. with the incident, that you talked about, you mentione dthat she was uncomfortble in her bed, sort out the reason,,and see what was bothering her...next time she starts crying like that, just talk to her as calm as you can, pamper her on her head, give a gentle massage on her head and talk to her as calm as possble that what happend,,whats bothering your dear, etc and such things,,,
without asking her, just give her a good warm hug,,talk to her and take her to your bed,,make her sleep alongwith you until she is fast asleep..and once she is fast asleep,put her back to her cot !

4. she might be pssbly missing her dad as well,sometimees kids esp girls are more attached to dads or the opposite gender of parents,,the reasons are quite unknown but in that they happen to behave like that..
until now she had only one person to notice her now she has two to consider so she will get more aggresive in gettng her things done in her own way.

5. absorb her energy and try to have eye contact. with eye contact with peaceful eye, the anger lowers. look with peace and not with anger or suspecting view ! allow your child to notice that her tantrums is making you feel sad ! kids are sensitive to sadness and such sensitive details..so show her that you are not happy with what she is doing instead of showing off your frustratn,,which many a times we think that we didnt show but our faces tell the maths !
6.sometimes overstress, a very lil ignorance from parent makes child throw out tantrums. surprisng it sounds, many a times, we get bsy in our chores, assuming that our kids are playing but even though when playng they look calm, all they are doing is upset that mom or dad no one is playing with me..until they are toddler, we often play with them, make sure they are okay,,and give attention,,once they are kid they still look upon us for all thr lil achvments and we happen to ignore them,,,in that they become more aggrsive in gettng the attentn from parents...which all results in tantrums !
7. some overtired child or overstressed child, or restless child starts behaving roughly to everyone or starts getting irritable..make sure she takes one good nap and make sure her schedule is not disturbed unless otherwise absoltly necsry. esp the sleeping/resting period.
esp if the child is on low iron diet, there are more thn 50% chances of her throwng tantrums because of overtiredness thn child that is totlly healthy ! reason, she gets tired of asking, and it goes outof her control and she loses anger because of lack of energy and gets frustrated...
but this is just one of the possblty,,give herr health diet..rem there is a famous saying \" you tell me what you eat and i will tell you who you are \" . i dont rem the writer name but its quite true ! diet affects behaviour, attitude, health and overall developemnt of human being ! there is a reason why apart from air and water, its an imp part !
but this condition you will observe only when she is tired in short playtime and she wants to play but gets frustrated with her own body that she cant play,,you willbe able to observe this quite clearly..
8. she might looking out for your responses., can you tell me what happen that night and exactly for 1 hour what she was doing,,and it will tell all the stats,,what was she speaking at that time,,how was she behaving like falling on floor and hitting herself or would hit you when you try to take her or what ?
also what you meant when you wrote \" she runs back to him if i check her\"
so my question is what checking is done ?
wat is all checking about ??

her meltdowns is because she is expecting one of you to be with her, support her in whatever she demands,so let one parent be the pampering one ! and the other is the one who can control her..now which one of you will do what, that you both decide dpedning on how she is behaves with you and your husband..
she is testing your limits so make your limits- unlimited ! whenever she is wild, give her lots of love,,let her settle,,remember your living room in letting her cry like that might make her more agrresive instead stay there but just dont talk to her,,see if that approach works. be just before her and watch her with no clue face,,dont react nething, just watch her with calm eyes.see how she reacts. once your eyes meet, ask her, what happend,,m sure she will respnd something or in some way or she may start crying badly..once she melts away,,take her and hug her,,settle her,,give her frequent pats on her back and talk to her,,,it might settle her..sometimes kids just like to keep crying after one episode of crying.
she might be needing you or your husband attention, so give her attention but just make sure you dont become a over attentive parent.give her more and more opportunity to talk, to express, to show what she wants to show,,,she is 20months old start teaching her drawings and such things,,it will help her settle..
show your love to her in most craziest way, funniest way ! she will love it,,care of her basic likes and dislikes and try to involve her in your daily chores that might help develop interest in daily life activities,,talk to her whenever she is playing alone,,if nothing,wat are you doing dear,,,and so on in your own language,,,read to her some story books,20months old understands nicely,,get some good manners books and she will like to be one of those characters !,,,allow her to show off her skills, stimulate her senses so to say with funny games, and testing her physical or mental capabilities,,,if she wants to jump from sofa, teach her how to do it but safely ! she will njoy it. and after all this,,take care of yourself, dont get stressed, a stressed mom means frustrated baby ! so help yourself, relax yourself whenever you take care of your baby,and if possble increase your social circle,,with seeing and playng with other kids she will learn to be like them...
to understand her, go to her level of understanding,go close to her and sit next to her,,and use short sentences,,that she can understand,or if pssble use the words that only she knows,in her language,,just the way she speaks,,like my baby understands words like night, nee nee (sleep) so whenever her schedule is messd up due to some reasons or teethign,,she wants to wakeup at night and wants to play peekaboo ! well thats crazy but with words,,nirja ,,its night,,letss do neeee,,she will clap her hands and with couple pats on herr back,,she will sleep back !so use such words that she understands,,my husband or neone who tries to put her to sleep, they speak long sentences and she starts playing with them !! she doesnt understand what they meant,,so see if something like works on your dd.
and finally whatvr you do, remember onething, your child will listen to you if you are your child good listener..she will learn all from your behaviour, your styles of talking and your manners,,if you are getting angry at her, she will get angry at you,,and if you are loving her even though when she is angry,,she will stop her tantrums and love you in return.
next time she throws such tantrums,,just tell her that you are upset with her and make a sad face,,just be her friend that you r not talking to herr,,etc and it might work out,,it dpends on how your child understands you and what is the model parents he expects you to be...we just need to hunt around.
thats all i can see as of now !
good luck !