Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been a silent reader of this forum and thought that may be I too will get a good response to my problem.

I have been married for 2 years and mine was an inter caste marraige.Both the familes were too happy with the match & they readily agreed to our marraige.Both myself & by husband are qualified CAs and both of us are workign in MNCs.My husband is on a touring job & is in the town for 3-4 days a month.My job is non-touring.We both earn handsomely.
My husband is the only son of his parents , his elder sister expired a year ago after prolonged illness of brain tumour.We were initially staying with my FIL ,MIL.since my husband was always out of station ,I used to feel bit out of place at my in-laws house.ALthough my FIL & MIL are fantastic people , still I would never feel comfortable staying with them without my husband.I would occassionaly come & stay at my parents place (in the same city)over the weekend where I would really enjoy with my sister.
When I told my husband that I feel very bad/awkward staying with my in-laws in his absence , he felt bit sad.But agreed to the fact that we stay separately so both of us moved to a different house (near to my office) on the pretext that I cant travel 50kms every day.Even now my husband is on the touring job & I stay alone most of the time.I find this arrangement comfortable & peaceful.

Now the problem is since I am alone , my MIL & FIL would ask me to vist their place every weekend & to stay overnight on sat & sun.I feel very weird since I need to do so many household chores over the weekend.Also, when ever I go their over the weekend - they start woth their cribbing - we are alone , we are sick etc.Just to mention that my FIL is very rich.ALso all the realatives of my in-laws keep lecturing me that we should stay together.
when I tell my husband that I do not want to go to my in-laws house everyweekend , he tells me that its my duty etc.I really get very irritated & frustated at this.He tells me that he listened to me when I wanted to stay separately and now I should listen to his parents now.

I do not know - who is wrong?Am I wrong and demanded something which I shouldn' t have?

Thanks for reading such a long post but PLease advise me on this !!!
Advisor replied. I feel sad to say this but you are the problem based on what you have written.

I mean you should know that when you form a relationship like a marriage, you also form multiple relations the same time. You are tied to maintain the relations with your husbands family whether you like them or not.

I think you showed tremendous disrespect for your inlaws when you said that they start cribbing. They are not lying, you will understand that when you will grow old.

My feeling is that you don' t want to bond with them at all, I pity your husband as being an Indian man, he will definitely going to go through tremendous amount of guilt for not taking care of his parents when they were old, after they will no longer be in this world. And he is going to blame you for that and your relationship will suffer.

Even when you are not living with them, at least care for them, be concerned about their well being. If you feel uncomfortable staying with them over the weekend, call them at your place to stay over once in a while. Get goodies for them, when they are sick, take care of them, if they are good people.

Srey replied. Just relax. It seemed to me that everything is smooth in your family.

No one is right or wrong here. But, I' ll admit, I' ll probably do the same thing as you.

Just keep reminding your husband that his parents are Great, awesome, caring and etc...

And, even though your FIL is rich, it' s always respectful to buy him and his wife a basket full of goodies. You know, just to make up for the weekends that you cannot spend time with them.

Best of Luck. Simran replied. all the best.... Simran replied. That i can understand dear but i am not saying that you visit there every week....initially for 2-3 weeks you make your visits regular in the meanwhile you tell your in laws that you have had lots of household works at home ( arre baba baaton baaton mein hi )and after sometime you can go once in fortnight. Jab woh log dekhenge ke tum apne ghar aur office ke sath sath un logon ka bhi dhyan rakh rahi ho to wo bhi tumhare baare mein sochenge and your hubby will also like this....

take care and best of luck...

and do tell me about updates

Simran Namita replied. yes, ur husabnd is right .. its your duty ... even though u dont like ... may b he didnt like to buy another house bt he did that for you ... if u dnt like staying with them then for 3-4 months u can go every weekend and then slowly start going alternate weekedn Simran replied. Hi Sk,

i not at all agree with you.agar tumhare hubby ne tumhari baat maani hai to you should also listen to him and respect his feelings.....imagine tab kya hota agar wo tumhe separate ghar na dilate tab bhi to tum hamesha apne in laws ke sath rehti that was worse for you and now when you r living separate and then what is the problem in visit to your in laws in weekends or in a fortnight ........think about it dear....... best of luck.......

and do reply back........