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Not sure if I am seeking help or venting out!!

Even after 10 yrs of marriage things are not working at all. First it was in laws who made my life hell. Hubby being mama' s boy never listened to me. I thought kids would help, but neither in laws stopped harrassing me nor hubby stopped hitting me in front of kids.
I am still in this marriage as I have special need kid, who costs me app 40K USD per year, out of pocket, who has doc appointments/therapies scheduled every day and I work full time. He hits me, abuses me, doesn' t help me with chores at home, but he takes care of half of appointments and doesn' t stop me from spending money on my kid.
I wonder if it would ever get better for me, if he would ever see me as a wife, rather seeing me as a free cook, free maid, mean for a free sex, and mean for taking out frustration out by abusing/kicking me.

God knows!
semi replied. HI Pooja
I do pretty much the way you recact to your husband outbrust. I know I am the most stupid person staying in this marriage. First 5 yr. in this country went by to understand this man \" if this is really a charater disorder and abusive or some rocky road towards marriage or between 2 people who are trying ot understand each other\" . I had no friends or family in this country or work permit to do job.. I spent these yr. studying and preparing myself for a job. My parents and other people used to tell me that he is behaving this bad due to visa, gc, job and what not problem. though this was never a reason. Once I started working. He left job to abuse me further and drain me out mentally and financially. I badly wanted a baby so that I can spend rest of life as single mother and have some thing ot look forward. That was one of the reason for me to stay hooked up with this person but he didnot support in this either (what a stupid person I was). He also cool down after doing his outbrust and showing his tamper tranturms. It could be 1 day or 1 month or 1 yr..He has no friend or social circle. online all the time..
semi. semi replied. Hi Pooja
I just went through your posting. MY story is pretty much similar to your story and even worst than this in million ways. My husband has extremel level of anger, rage, habit of punishing me for every single thing, yelling at me all the time. taking outbrust on me with no reason, hitting me left / right on small things. He has put my hand several time in door and slam it so hard so that my bone can break (just like we break whole walnut in india). I can add million things in this list. He sure has bipolar disorder . It took me almost 10 yr. to understand that he has such a character disorder and extreme abusive person. He has curshed my every single dream. I was locked in this country first few yr. at home all the time. He had stopped working from last 6 yr. to abuse me further. He has no friend or any social circle. First few years went by just for me to understand his this animal behavior in this foreign country and if \" is this called marriage\" ? He has taken money, sex, family, home every thing away from me to abuse me further. I cannot even talk to my mother or siblings in fornt of him. I used to belong to a very nice and healthy family and good looking girl. but my destiny was something else where I wasted 14 yr. of my life with this animal. I never remember a single wish or sweet kiss from him in last 14 yr. of marriage. He is always jealous of my look and my family background and sometime has beaten me so hard that I was not able to go to work next day. I will post my detail story sometime to hear all of yours opinion .
My Inlaws were also extreme abusive to me and has tought all this to my husband . EVery single day he ask me to go out of apt. and say \" I want ot divorce you\" . though i am paying rent and running this home. this marriage is going on just buz of me..or else he would have divorced me day one ..No matter how hard I try or compormise. He is never happy with me and always criticize me. He always blame me for whatever goes wrong in his life, even though i had nothing to do with that. He humilate me and my family eveyr single day. I feel extremely depress with all this situation.. Life is just living hell for me..
semi. Jamie Reynolds replied. You need to get out. I know that sounds really hard, and its hard to imagine, but especially for the safety for yourself and your child you need to get divorced. He still has obligations to take your child to his appointments and he' ll be obligated to pay child support so you wont have to pay for everything yourself. Especially since you are already working full time and are financially independent you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Pooja replied. Thanks for the responses.

I think if God wanted me to be married, then this marriage has to work. Everyday my husband wants to me divorce and if I agree to him, I would be divorced in no time.
I asked him to go get professional help and he finds it funny. Sometimes I feel he has bipolar disorder. After being nasty, within an hour he would be back to normal.
He doesn' t think there is anything wrong in our marriage because he has seen his father hitting his mother all his life. I tell him wait till my kids learn how to dial 911 and he laughs it out.

I want to make this marriage work because I don' t think I don' t deserve to be happily married.

While all my school and college friends are doing so good in their lives, career wise , I even turned down a promotion as that would have meant more time away from family. How fast a person changes. 10 years back I was doing so good and thought after marriage I would get a good friend, consultant and we both would progress together but fate had different things in store...

Thanks for help.
Pooja
Ritika replied. This is not a good way to live, specially if the child sees you being hit in front of him..it will cause emotional scars on both you as well as your child.

My advise would be to seek professional help. They will be able to guide you better. Depending on which area of US you are staying in (I assume US coz you mentioned 40K USD), call up the local desi women' s group and seek their advise on how best to handle this abuse going on in your house.

Can you ask your husband to go with you to professional counseling? If not, then try to go alone at least.

Go and talk to a lawyer. He/she might be better able to advise you about the implications for a separation or a divorce. It might be that your husband might be forced to pay for his child' s medical care. Just because you seek a divorce, does not mean that his responsibility (financial or otherwise) ends. So find out your legal options. That will clarify your future a bit.

Let us know how things go or if you need any help in finding any women' s grp name... Srey replied. My Gosh...

You are a strong lady for staying in this relationship Pooja. And the Abuse, that have got to make you want to kick him right back. I don' t know how, you can stand it.

Anyway, it' s clear that this is just some sort of a sacrafice on your part, But..it is quite sad to hear your story. Your kid is very bless to have you as his/her mother.

As for your Husband.....Let' s hope he change. Better yet, I hope someone can slap some sense in him. In the meantime, if you could, try to stay away from him.

king uncle replied. Dear Puja,
Think again deeply!Can your marriage work.Did it work at any point of time .If yeas then why did it fizzle.We change with time but at times unknowingly we ignore certain relationship.Your hubby is in the relationship because of food and sex while you are in the relationship because of child' s treatment.But we have to stay inrelationship because of companionship primarily and all others are scondary.can you become true companion to your hubby.Have you to look after the child ignored the needs of your hubby.Step out think.How can you make hime seek your companionship before seeking for sex/food etc.How to elevate yourself to understand his job/needs etc.Try to rflect your past and start allover again.But never allow him abuse you !You have to be strong and stop him with strength.If you move right then things will move inthe positive direction slowly but surely.Try first for a year and do not expect fast results.Read news paper watch news.Know your husband' s organisation,his job and his friends.Things will work out plan well.My best wishes.