I live in usa and have come across various families where parents send their kids at a very very young age (less than 1 year old )to stay with their parents or inlaws in india .mostly the reason given is focus on career ,they will get better care there etc.
i still couldnot understand if career is important then why do they make babies and then send them to focus on career .I think they can fovus on career for whole life without having kids .I have seen it more in communites like andhraites and gujratis .
WITH NO OFFENCE To any one .what is the real reason for sendind kids to old parents in india .
i some times imagine if the samething that moms do to kids ,what if husbands doesto wife ..like sending her back to india with parents so he can save cost or focus on career.the wife immediately would say why did you marry me then .
but a child cannot say mom and dad why did you bring me when you had to send me back with your parents .
I also wonder how can old parents manage a kid .the energy and patience that a person has in young age is not the same in old age .
are there any one on this board who can provide my answers .
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I live in usa and have come across various families where parents send their kids at a very very young age (less than 1 year old )to stay with their parents or inlaws in india .mostly the reason given is focus on career ,they will get better care there etc.
i still couldnot understand if career is important then why do they make babies and then send them to focus on career .I think they can fovus on career for whole life without having kids .I have seen it more in communites like andhraites and gujratis .
WITH NO OFFENCE To any one .what is the real reason for sendind kids to old parents in india .
i some times imagine if the samething that moms do to kids ,what if husbands doesto wife ..like sending her back to india with parents so he can save cost or focus on career.the wife immediately would say why did you marry me then .
but a child cannot say mom and dad why did you bring me when you had to send me back with your parents .
I also wonder how can old parents manage a kid .the energy and patience that a person has in young age is not the same in old age .
are there any one on this board who can provide my answers .
Namita replied. i cant believe, r any parents like this? how can a mother behave with her own child like a demon? scaring
User replied. This is a good topic.No offence but I also have seen it among South Indians and Gujratis.I also feel bad for the kids.If they cannot take care of their kids then why give birth to them.
If they think of childcare costs etc then why give birth.They can have more money without kids.When it comes to learning culture good parents always teaches their kids.For that they don' t need to grow up in India.
Once I was travelling in the flight and I met someone' s dad coming back with the kid.Similar situation parents had sent the kids to the grandparents because they didnt have time.He was boasting my son and daughter in law are engineers and they are busyI told him almost all Indians in this country are including myself and my hubby.
Then he asked me how much it cost my son' s daycare .After hearing the amount he said why didn' t u send ur son to ur parents and u can save the cost.It made me mad and furious.I told him \" When I decided to have a child I wanted to be there for him as a mother.So when it comes to cost for him it doesn' t matter.I want to be closer to him as thats the most precious thing I have.If I was conceerned about daycare costs then I will not have given birth.\"
Sister replied. Even I feel there is no need to bring a child into the world if u can not take care of them.
Ya,this is so common in the US.
I can even give u a classic example.
My husband' s colleague had some visa issues and he thought that maximum he can stay for a yr and a half in the US so he immediately got married.Then as soon as the girl came here she got conceived and they had a cute baby boy within 1 year of marriage.
Their initial plan was to return to India but then the person got to know that his visa got extended.
Now they felt oh..we did haste,we could have enjoyed as a couple and all and they sent the 2 mon old baby with the maternal grand mother to india.
This grand parents kept calling them and asking them when will they take the child back,these parents kept postponing as they were enjoying here.They had reached a stage where nobody wanted the child.
Then one fine day the grand parents came here on a visa and left the child and went back to India.
Now these parents have to look after him as they have no other go.But with all these complications just after the baby' s birth they have no lov at all for him.
When I met the now 3 yr old boy I got tears in my eyes,in the house the baby was playing in a corner of a room and he is so scared to touch anything as the mother acts like a demon if he even tries to see anything.Now all of a sudden these parents want a typical US grown child which enjoys Mc Donald stuff and feel disgusted when the baby asks for idli and dosas.
Dont know what will happen to the child in the future...
Just thought of sharing this real life incident here..
neha replied. i too feel that it is no sensible to leave kids with oarents/in- laws. kids have to grow in front of parents only.tht is good for both.
now coning t oy ppl do this there can b diff reasons..may b they want to earn money faster and return to india..also may b they wre getting old so they decided to have kids....and most imp thng is it is diffeicult for parents to b without kids....but given an option its always better tht they r with parents and not grand parents
Srey replied. Just my Opinion:
Sending a child away, have it' s advantages and disadvantages.(off course, this goes with almost everything):
In the United States, it seemed as if more and more children are using \" English\" as thier first language. And this is true when Parents have no other relatives around.
Sometimes, Certain families are so will adapt to the Western culture that most of the time, their children don' t even know their own history.
It' s a sad sad thing. Because, some are not so blessed to have nearby relatives for help. Or know anyone In childcare that can teach thier children thier roots.
So, I guess the only logical answer to this is.......Children sent off to live with their families(grandparents and etc..)because the parents simply don' t want the child to lack anything that is related to their culture. You' ll be surprise that children Moving back..tend to be more Fluent speakers in thier native language.
I guess, for some....this is something that some parents take as accomplishment...that at least their children have a sense of awareness about thier own culture.
But, is it worth it???? Well, Yes, for some, they' ll do it over and over again. And, For some...it was just the biggest sacrifice.
Ritika replied. Hi Sneha,
I have also seen this in some families.
I also cannot understand how and why a mother and father can send their few months old child away from them.
One reason that I could understand was that new parents can get overwhelmed pretty fast with the child' s responsibilities..
Career is not a good enough reason because in US you get such good day cares that you don' t have to worry abt yr child so much. Yes, you do have to spend $1000 or so on them per month, so for some people greed could be a factor (why spend so much money on a child when you can save it?).
But when you keep your baby with you, at least the child gets your love and attention and grows up seeing you.
Its not something I agree with. At all.
Ritika
a mom replied. First of all remember that no mother wants her kid to send so far a way where she can' t see her baby everyday. But sometimes they have to doit. Only mother knows whats best for her baby.
You can' t compare sending kid to India with sending wife for less cost. Mothers in USA send there kids to India not b' coz of cost of daycare. Most of mothers will send there kids to India only if the kid is not adjustable to daycare environment. Kids get better care at there grand parents house. The care kids get here day care is not that good and some kids won' t be able to adjust that environment. Mostly parents in India offer that kids will get better care in India and they offer that otherwise nobody forcefully ask there parents to take care of there grand kids.
You need to put yourself in other moms shoes to understand why they sent there kids to India. How bad they feel everyday about not having those cute smiles when they return home after end of day. Whatever parents earn is for kids future only.
My suggestion for you is don' t make statements by seeing situation just form one side. Try to understand those mothers situation. No mother will think her kid is burden on her.
2007-12-14
#1
Name: Namita Subject: disgusting
i cant believe, r any parents like this? how can a mother behave with her own child like a demon? scaring
2007-12-11
#2
Name: User Subject: Re
This is a good topic.No offence but I also have seen it among South Indians and Gujratis.I also feel bad for the kids.If they cannot take care of their kids then why give birth to them.
If they think of childcare costs etc then why give birth.They can have more money without kids.When it comes to learning culture good parents always teaches their kids.For that they don' t need to grow up in India.
Once I was travelling in the flight and I met someone' s dad coming back with the kid.Similar situation parents had sent the kids to the grandparents because they didnt have time.He was boasting my son and daughter in law are engineers and they are busyI told him almost all Indians in this country are including myself and my hubby.
Then he asked me how much it cost my son' s daycare .After hearing the amount he said why didn' t u send ur son to ur parents and u can save the cost.It made me mad and furious.I told him \" When I decided to have a child I wanted to be there for him as a mother.So when it comes to cost for him it doesn' t matter.I want to be closer to him as thats the most precious thing I have.If I was conceerned about daycare costs then I will not have given birth.\"
2007-11-26
#3
Name: Sister Subject: So True
Even I feel there is no need to bring a child into the world if u can not take care of them.
Ya,this is so common in the US.
I can even give u a classic example.
My husband' s colleague had some visa issues and he thought that maximum he can stay for a yr and a half in the US so he immediately got married.Then as soon as the girl came here she got conceived and they had a cute baby boy within 1 year of marriage.
Their initial plan was to return to India but then the person got to know that his visa got extended.
Now they felt oh..we did haste,we could have enjoyed as a couple and all and they sent the 2 mon old baby with the maternal grand mother to india.
This grand parents kept calling them and asking them when will they take the child back,these parents kept postponing as they were enjoying here.They had reached a stage where nobody wanted the child.
Then one fine day the grand parents came here on a visa and left the child and went back to India.
Now these parents have to look after him as they have no other go.But with all these complications just after the baby' s birth they have no lov at all for him.
When I met the now 3 yr old boy I got tears in my eyes,in the house the baby was playing in a corner of a room and he is so scared to touch anything as the mother acts like a demon if he even tries to see anything.Now all of a sudden these parents want a typical US grown child which enjoys Mc Donald stuff and feel disgusted when the baby asks for idli and dosas.
Dont know what will happen to the child in the future...
Just thought of sharing this real life incident here..
2007-11-27
#4
Name: Sister Subject: Add
I forgot to mention that the couple married and conceived in haste to get the US citizenship for their child.They had a baby immediately after marriage so that they can have a child here and get citizenship before returning to india.
2007-11-27
#5
Name: Srey Subject: :
OMG...That´ s so Sad. Poor Kid.
Yeah, That´ s the trick to leaving your child with someone. If they don´ t want to take care of your kids.....By leaving them their, It´ s just going to cause a lot of heart ache.
Just a lesson learn. Leave Your kid only to ones that will appreciate and love them.
2007-11-22
#6
Name: neha Subject: re
i too feel that it is no sensible to leave kids with oarents/in- laws. kids have to grow in front of parents only.tht is good for both.
now coning t oy ppl do this there can b diff reasons..may b they want to earn money faster and return to india..also may b they wre getting old so they decided to have kids....and most imp thng is it is diffeicult for parents to b without kids....but given an option its always better tht they r with parents and not grand parents
2007-11-22
#7
Name: Srey Subject: :
Just my Opinion:
Sending a child away, have it' s advantages and disadvantages.(off course, this goes with almost everything):
In the United States, it seemed as if more and more children are using \" English\" as thier first language. And this is true when Parents have no other relatives around.
Sometimes, Certain families are so will adapt to the Western culture that most of the time, their children don' t even know their own history.
It' s a sad sad thing. Because, some are not so blessed to have nearby relatives for help. Or know anyone In childcare that can teach thier children thier roots.
So, I guess the only logical answer to this is.......Children sent off to live with their families(grandparents and etc..)because the parents simply don' t want the child to lack anything that is related to their culture. You' ll be surprise that children Moving back..tend to be more Fluent speakers in thier native language.
I guess, for some....this is something that some parents take as accomplishment...that at least their children have a sense of awareness about thier own culture.
But, is it worth it???? Well, Yes, for some, they' ll do it over and over again. And, For some...it was just the biggest sacrifice.
2007-11-22
#8
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
Hi Sneha,
I have also seen this in some families.
I also cannot understand how and why a mother and father can send their few months old child away from them.
One reason that I could understand was that new parents can get overwhelmed pretty fast with the child' s responsibilities..
Career is not a good enough reason because in US you get such good day cares that you don' t have to worry abt yr child so much. Yes, you do have to spend $1000 or so on them per month, so for some people greed could be a factor (why spend so much money on a child when you can save it?).
But when you keep your baby with you, at least the child gets your love and attention and grows up seeing you.
Its not something I agree with. At all.
Ritika
2007-11-23
#9
Name: mom Subject: i dont agree
" Only Mother knows best for her kids" I think this saying holds good only in books,if this is true then how come we come across so many incidents where mothers hurt their kids ,or murder their kids and recently i read in times of india that a mother gave consent to her daughter being raped by her father .
day cares here in us are much much better than that in india .If it is just culture that makes them send kids away then why do they bring them back at 5 years so that they can go to school in usa and absorb the culture here .may be because there are no expenses for school in usa.
i think a child is exposed more to western culture ,sex,drugs here in usa in later age rather than early age .so that is just a plain excuse .
I agree that kids are fluent in their mother tongue but for how long .after 10 years they answer in english to questions asked even in their mother tongue .
i think the main reason is greed to save money .even at expense of own child .imagine if there is a rule here that if you keep your kids then u get 1000 dollars per mnonth .then these parents would not send their kids .
2007-11-22
#10
Name: a mom Subject: don´ t agree with you at all
First of all remember that no mother wants her kid to send so far a way where she can' t see her baby everyday. But sometimes they have to doit. Only mother knows whats best for her baby.
You can' t compare sending kid to India with sending wife for less cost. Mothers in USA send there kids to India not b' coz of cost of daycare. Most of mothers will send there kids to India only if the kid is not adjustable to daycare environment. Kids get better care at there grand parents house. The care kids get here day care is not that good and some kids won' t be able to adjust that environment. Mostly parents in India offer that kids will get better care in India and they offer that otherwise nobody forcefully ask there parents to take care of there grand kids.
You need to put yourself in other moms shoes to understand why they sent there kids to India. How bad they feel everyday about not having those cute smiles when they return home after end of day. Whatever parents earn is for kids future only.
My suggestion for you is don' t make statements by seeing situation just form one side. Try to understand those mothers situation. No mother will think her kid is burden on her.
2007-11-22
#11
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
Are you saying that a 6 month old kid cannot adjust to a daycare in the US? Most of the kids do after a while...you just need to pick a good day care or nanny.
Your statement " The care kids get here day care is not that good" is highly incorrect. I don´ t know which city in US you are living in, but if it is a large one, then more often than not, you WILL find a good day care near by. The daycares in the US are really good, much better than in India.
As a child grows older (1+), they start enjoying the day care as they meet many kids their age there and make friends.
This is just my opinion. Staying with grandparents might be fine for a while, but if the child does not see her/his parents for a long time, you will never ever develop a bond with them.
I know a friend of mine whose mother left her with her parents when she a baby and she was brought up by her grandparents. She was generally happy but she always had an angst against her mother (she felt that her mother didnt love her enough to keep her). Yes, she loved her grandmother, but if someone mentioned her mom, she would sneer.
On the whole I feel keeping a child with yourself is the best possible thing. It is tougher on you, but its also rewarding.
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disgusting
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Name: Sister
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don´ t agree with you at all
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