Relationships  Discussion Forum

i have been married to a loving husband since 4 years .his family lives in a rural village in rajasthan .it is a huge joint family where every one stays together .my mil her jethani and their sons and dil .we are the only ones who are out in usa .my hubby is well educated and so am i ,as compared to others in family .when ever i go there i like it but i wear saree as that is the dress women generally wear and with covering my head .though i am a very independant girl who wears western out fits any where else .i some how feel that i loose my identity and my personality there by being submissive kind of bahu ,wearing traditional clothes,loading traditional jwellery ,not talking much in open ,not eating in front of elder men ,etc .any one who knows marwari culture may understand what i mean .i used to love wearing sarees but now i am not excited at all as i have to pin it and then cover my head and be in kitchen with the same sarees,get oil and grease spots on them.i look terrible when i am there .i am 28 but i look like 40 in that out fit .i have to even sleep in saree .i try to be the kind of person i am not .
now my question is that i am going for a marriage in my husbands family .i want to wear sarees but dont want to cover head ,i want to look good not like ayuntijee . i will have guests coming from my parents family too and my parents and they are very modern ,so i will look like a submissive girl .
but my concern here is that i may hurt my inlaws side sentiments and may be they will feel bad in front of the village ,but if i dont i may hurt my self and feel low .i have worked several years on feminism issues and now i feel i am not listening to what i preached .
please suggest me girls .
i know there are many on this board who have so many major issues in life ,my issue may look small but i will appreciate any inputs from u .
Srey replied. I don' t see why you can' t do both.

Wear the traditional outfits, jewellery and etc, to please them(show' s you accept and respect them)....Then change into something more comfortable.(That way you are not loosing yourself)

Manee replied. Hey, Why don' y u enjoy it yaar..Now a days in India there are so many beautiful saree in market that u will feel like wearing it and moreover u must be having ur sarees which are not getting used properly so u can use them here. saree is a beautiful outfit and i personaly feel that it enhance our beauty. So enjoy it girl take it an opportunity to enjoy that outfit. I m sure if u will start with this feeling u will not feel the way u are feeling now. Rural parts has it own positives and when everybody there will dressing up this way u will not be able to enjoy odd man out thing. D replied. hi,
i can understand what u r saying. it is not wrong.
we r gujarti & not all famili' s r conservative here but when my elder sis got married 15 yrs back she was not allowed to wear anything other than sari & also was not allowed to seat on a chair in front of her fil by her mil. her fil had no problem bcs they had a same age daughterbut her mil was dominating. she allowed her to wear other dresses at home after their daughter' s angagemnt when she realised that her daughter might have to face same thing if her future mil sees this happening in their house. hypocrates!!
i used to feel very angry & used to tell my sister to protest but she didn' t.
in my case my inlaws r ok but they were leaving in small town in andhra at the time of my weeding. we had a weeding here & reception there. my il' s family( fil' s brother' s & sister' s family had come for weeding here & than we were traveling to gether so i was made to were saree in 30 hrs long train journey & then for next 12 days untill they all left after the reception. i was very uncomfertable & had red rashes on waist line. but after wards when i was visitimg their town in case of one of the cousin' s demise. my cousin sil' s told my mil to allow me to were salwar kamiz at night. & now whenevr i visit i wear saree ocassionaly only. my mil didn' t like it but was ok after sometime. sorry for the long story but i told u my experince to give u an idea to decide for yourself.
so u have to start it somewhere. it would have been bater if u had started it in your casual visits rather than weeding but its ok. also take some of your co-sil or sil' s help who will be visiting from out of rajasthan & r morden thinking type & talk to your inlaws.