Relationships  Discussion Forum

I' m a new member of this forum and let me start by sharing my story...I was married for about 9 yrs and it was always on rocks with my husband being physically and mentally absusive to me. he never let me call any of my friends and maternal family and always used abusive words towards them. I kept enduring that hoping one day things will improve and he' ll understand, when things kept going worst instead of better, I left him. It was almost like a awakening call for me one day, when I realized that I would not be able to forgive myself ever for letting my 3.5 old grow thru this. I did not want her to think this is how a women is treated inside a home and have problems in her life later. Only regret that I' ve today is that why did I take so long to do it. Fortunately, I' ve a good job so did not have financial issues in seperating.

Now coming to root cause of that and the subject of this email..My husband was not like that in start of marriage(first 6 mons or so-- we were happiest couple on earth during that time). This marriage happened against wishes of my FIL as she wanted a DIL from affluent family(you read it right--dowry in his mind) and I was from a not-so-rich family, so they didn' t get much of my money from my family and he used to keep filling ear o my husband against my family by telling all sorts of lies. Initially it did not impact my husband but later his lies one after another, he started beliveing in it(after all it was coming from his own father, for how long can he not believe in it). He always used to believe in his father' s words like stone-casted-words even before marriage. Even my MIL(who I still respect a lot) agrees that FIL always told lies to my hubby against memy maternal family and that was ultimate root cause of this relation going down the drain. FIL is too dominating in family for her to speak that up to her hubby and correct him. Now he' s thinking to get him married to a ' rich' family(got to know from my MIL) once our divorce is over.

Most sad part is that even with me earning almost equal to my hubby, it was imp for my FIL to get the money from my parents and he was successful in his motives finally. My hubby did not send money to his parents as they themselves have plenty of money for themselves(they come in 4-5 richest of small town they live in) money so did not need any from us.

My question what we can do to get rid of social evils like dowry so no other family has to suffer for it, like mine. How can we save any other girl from going thru this truama that I had to go thru in life. If we relatively ' educated' Indians don' t raise our voice, who else will? What shouldcan we do to get evils like this out from socity. Srey replied. Thanks for sharing your story. The only way to prevent this from happening is to not get married.

It' s a sad sad world, and it' s even sadder when the Husband whom we loved and married betrayed our trust!

It sucks to be caught up in this kind of life. But, life goes on. Just like you, you took your little girl and moved on with your life(smart move).

neha replied. this is still asocial issue...we need the bride and bride groom' s full support....guys should b sensible and girls shud b brave...the husband needs to understand that it is an insult to him if he accepts dowry.....it means he cannot support his wife...and girl shud b brave to say no to such families.... bbymom. replied. Just to add, I tried talking to my hubby countless numbers of time about it with no avail. I tried talking cooly, telling him how it is impacting me and our daughter, nothing helped as obviously parents come first rather then wife, which I had no objection to and completely respect the fact...only thing that truth lost and lies won breaks my faith that I' ve had my life long.