Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi DD
I am sorry. I am returning to this forum after a long time which is why i missed to see your post. I am doing so so. Still my husband holds the primary custody of the child. I got court date in US in the middle of next month. I guess things would take turn for the better then.
In the meantime my husband went to india and filed a petition for dismissing my case against his mother and sister there. The judge rejected his plea. He told the judge that he would give the primary custody of the baby to me but want divorce. The judge in India didn' t grant him divorce. Getting divorce in India is difficult which my husband might have realized now.
Anyway i am happy that he will hand over the baby to me since he himself said that, atleast in Indian court. His parents have extended their stay and they are still in this town. I don' t know if they have got green card or just an extension of visa?! They have sent my baby to daycare, who is just l1 months old now. I really wonder why they got custody of her in the first place, may be just to trouble me?! They are troubling her also.
Anyway for the past 3 weeks she is with me most of the times. Probably they are not able to take care of her, lazy people!

I am getting more and more depressed. I am gathering myself to take care of my baby who is going to be mine soon. My husband has become very thin, i miss him. Still he is not able to take my side.

My husband' s sister stopped communicating with her in-laws in india completely since they are supporting me. On top of it, her husband stopped communicating with his own parents! How pathetic are some people! I am seeing the negative sides of these people and these have really shaken me. Enough about my story.

How are you doing dd? Any improvement in your side?
dddd replied. Hi Sumathi.You look so much more confident.In such situations we know how much we can do to change our lives to better.
The kind of thing you mentioned in your post happens in my husband' s family. My SIL runs the show in her in laws family and here in my husbands family too. Her husband is a joru ka ghulam. She is also not that good looking . But her husband dances to her tunes. My in laws are happy seeing that. But at the same time when my husband tells he doesnt know some thing and tells them to ask me. My FIL and SIL throw a fit telling why shud she know . Dont tell her. Such hypocrites.My SIL already forgets she has a daughter. I just wish she also go thru whatever i went thru. My SIL had the nerve to tell my husband your wife is immature. Please come back to india to save your marriage.
Anyway now situation is my husband listens to almost everything i say and acts up a few times. But looking at his face i remember everything.
Its nice to know u feel relaxed.Constant nitpicking can drive anyone nuts. And in case of husbands thats their full time job. Job is more than money and security. Its more of 8 hrs free of worry and squabbles. My husband is not that much happy with my getting my work permit.I earned it. With my husband' s laid back attitude it wouldnt have been possible to even dream about GC.
We neednt worry about society as we are the people who did wrong in the marriage.When it comes to this stage everybody will know who is right and who is wrong.
Its nice to know that your husband takes good care of your daughter. Somewhere he is a good person and a good dad.Be firm in your stand your husband will see your side soon.
Take care of yourself and the baby. Sumathi replied. Hi Ritika and dddd, thanks for your replies. Ritika, as days go by, i am thinking in the way you said. It is difficult for me to accept this kind of mean behavior from a man who is really good at hear. The husband i am seeing for the past few months is completely different from the one i saw last year. Eventhough his parents and sister are sowing evil ideas to his mind how can he yield to everything without any protest?! A person with a clear conscience cannot involve in such deeds.
dddd it is true that my husband is also getting affected by his actions. But why is he not stopping himself from dancing to his evil advisors? I am deeply wounded by his actions and my love for him is dimishing now though i miss the happy times we had in the past. It is very hard to watch the loved ones following the wrong path!

By the way i am happy about your work permit. It will give you more confidence. Atleast your husband is afraid of the cops which is good, because he still has respect for the social norms. There are people who don' t fear anything! Have a safe trip to india. It will surely give you peace of mind and you will come back stronger. Ritika replied. Dear Sumathi,

Good to hear from you!!

Have you found a job yet? Are you going to any counseling sessions?

Unlike dddd, I' m not so sure that a leapord will change its spots. A man who will not take care of his own baby or wife and beat her..then ask for a divorce..blackmail his wife to divorce him by threatening custody battle...how much lower can he get.

I can only suggest one thing that has worked for me till now in judging people. Pay more attention to how a person treats you or behaves towards you than what he says.

You have had a harrowing time recently. I hope you have friends and family around you. You are a strong woman, and I hope your bad times end soon.

I' ll pray for you...take care, Ritika dddd replied. thanks for posting back. I was really looking forward to your post.Please dont be disheartened. It will be ugly first to get better later.
Reading thru your post. I could make out one thing. Your husband is under lot of pressure from him family.He looks like a person who is an ideal son and brother. Hey my BIL and dad are too. My sister had a tuff time with him for 5-6 yrs of her marriage which wud have ended if her in laws had their say.She didnt compromise but made my BIL chose. For an ideal son like him,I never thought that day we can see. But we did see. Everybody has a breaking point. Your husband hasnt still reached there.Seems he is guarded by your in laws and SIL so that he doesnt crack.
Good that your baby is with you. She will be comfortable and you will be relieved. Its not a surprise your in laws sent her to daycare. In laws are just meant to trot around with the baby in front of outside world to show plastic concern,not to care for the baby. She is too tiny for daycare.
Did you in laws get a GC?Is there a way you can contact your hubby without your inlaws knowing.You know when my hubby was on TPO i did that . I had to do it to know what he is upto. Even though my husband was an abuser. It was lonely without him when he was living apart. No wonder you miss your husband.Just wait ,looks like he will surely crack.
Its really painful to know about your SIL. Even my SIL is of same kind. Her husband dotes on her.She is very ugly. But her husband treats her like she is the most beautiful thing.
You know what wud be a good idea. Why dont u talk to your husband when he is at work.He may hang up 2-3 times. dont lose patience. do it. Once he gets a feeling you wont stop calling him. He will look forward to your calls.first ask him how he is and slowly talk him into reuniting.he seems to be regretting for his past actions.

I am doing fine. My husband has improved a lot. but I have no love left for him.Its just an adjustment. I got my work permit. Its a relief.i will be going to india next month and returning in 20 days. My parents miss me a lot after last yr incident. My dad visited me for a month early this year and went back.Its been 3 yrs i havent seen my family. i dont trust my husband and also i dont trust my in laws not doing anything like my last visit. My husband is in huge debt and hence will come back and do some financial help. My FIL told me oh he is in loans becoz u drain him of all his money. What money,my husband wont spend anything for me. He hasnt taken me on a holiday or bought me anything expensive.The engagement saree was a look at my future life.My in laws are grinding teeth there from the time they came to know we applied for GC. They in every mail convince my husband to come back.he also talks the same.
Main thing is he doesnt abuse me anymore becoz he is scared of cops.Not becoz he regrets.
Dont worry you are a good woman. God will be with u soon. Evil cant go on forever. Good has to come.
Best of luck. Take care of the baby and you.