Hi friends,
Iam not new to this board,pls i need advise.Desperately in need of help.Iam maried past 13 yrs ,eversince iam married we r not happy,my husband want money .i dint know actually what happened before marriage ,like what my elders spoke each time he fights n abuses for money .He fought with my parents couple of times for money.I have 2 kids i dont know how i gave birth to these. He tells just because of me he lost every thing, he married me for money .One more draw back is iam not working.I have tried though but ihave no technical background ,because of the harrasement iam unable to use my brain.Even kids are literally following him in abusing for simple things ,he says I need to have some from my father for my food ,clothing n medical expenses.This is going on from so long.I lost my patience.I cannot go back o my parents also.He doesnt want small job,want me to work for IT,where i can earn lot of money.but only thing is iam not in a position to concentrate because the way he abuses make me to end my life. My mil also gratest culprit, she tells about others that they have bouth lot of properties ,that she is a doctor,they r earning 4laks per month n stuff like that.Many times even we go out he buys food for both the kids n him,wont even bother to ask.He told many times to get out .I nfact once he left all of us with my parents following a big fight n left us there to our mercy.But we managed to come back to him.That time my father did asked if he needs money he will give by selling himself.He said no.but everytime he is worried that we r burden on him.I dont spend anythng from his money ,I get all my clothing from my parents.But he needs crores of money. He says to kids also that he has no money to fulfill their needs.but can u imagine a person who is in IT,have no money to meet the day to day needs.I dont know what his intention is.But we r his burden .FRIENDS PLS HELP ME.THANKS IN ADVANCE.
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Hi friends,
Iam not new to this board,pls i need advise.Desperately in need of help.Iam maried past 13 yrs ,eversince iam married we r not happy,my husband want money .i dint know actually what happened before marriage ,like what my elders spoke each time he fights n abuses for money .He fought with my parents couple of times for money.I have 2 kids i dont know how i gave birth to these. He tells just because of me he lost every thing, he married me for money .One more draw back is iam not working.I have tried though but ihave no technical background ,because of the harrasement iam unable to use my brain.Even kids are literally following him in abusing for simple things ,he says I need to have some from my father for my food ,clothing n medical expenses.This is going on from so long.I lost my patience.I cannot go back o my parents also.He doesnt want small job,want me to work for IT,where i can earn lot of money.but only thing is iam not in a position to concentrate because the way he abuses make me to end my life. My mil also gratest culprit, she tells about others that they have bouth lot of properties ,that she is a doctor,they r earning 4laks per month n stuff like that.Many times even we go out he buys food for both the kids n him,wont even bother to ask.He told many times to get out .I nfact once he left all of us with my parents following a big fight n left us there to our mercy.But we managed to come back to him.That time my father did asked if he needs money he will give by selling himself.He said no.but everytime he is worried that we r burden on him.I dont spend anythng from his money ,I get all my clothing from my parents.But he needs crores of money. He says to kids also that he has no money to fulfill their needs.but can u imagine a person who is in IT,have no money to meet the day to day needs.I dont know what his intention is.But we r his burden .FRIENDS PLS HELP ME.THANKS IN ADVANCE.
Radhika replied. Nimmi:
I think, this is the time you should really talk to your husband. You said that your husband is in IT and earns enough to support the family... then why he wants so much money? I agree with Ritika, that you can get a job anywhere and in any position. We do not know your qualification, but I am 100% sure that you will find a job in any place. Start somewhere! and once you start, tell your husband, that he is NOT going to get a penny out of your earnings. Your earnings are going to be completely for YOURSELF and your kids.
Tell your kids the truth. We do not know how old are they, if they are at an age that they can understand the right and the wrong, then tell them everything, and ask them what do they think. Who' s right?
Nimmi, be firm and strong. No one in this world can rule you, and NEVER for money... Tell your parents that you are about to take a decision, and tell them clearly that they need not sell themselves and get the money for this greedy person.
Ask your hubby why he is earning so much money, and where is it al going...there has to be clarity between you both...find out where he is spending all the money he earns...
One thing for sure.... DON' T KEEP QUITE NOW!!!
Ritika replied. After reading your post I have several thoughts in my mind.
Your husband is a greedy man. Very money minded. If he hasnt changed in 13 yrs, he is not going to change now. Do you want to stay with him? Or have you thought of separating/divorcing him?
Can your parents support you and the kids for a few months while you can search for a job?
A job need not be only in IT. You must have some skills...it is just that your husband has lowered your self esteem so much, that you think you don' t. Can you look for a job like a secretary, receptionist, maybe cooking meals from home, stitching clothes, working in a day care, primary school with kids, as a teacher ( several small private schools are in need of teachers)...once you are earning, you can maybe find a place to stay by yourself or with another girl to share a flat.
If your husband is physically abusing you, take some photographs of your injuries. You can also check out if a case can be filed against your husband for dowry harrassment. They might need some proof. Do you have any letter/email that can support your case?
In case of divorce, your husband has to pay you child support and alimony. So find a good divorce lawyer who can help you through all this.
You need to find a way to get away from this despicable man who values money more than his wife and kids.
Google the internet for women support/shelter in your city. There might be some organization willing to help you.
You do not deserve this life and god willing, you will get out of it.
Take lots of care...
ss replied. hi nimmi
i can very well understand ur problem i am too in a kind of same situation (not for dowry) my husband does not think that i am also a human being , sometimes u want to go out of a relationship but u cant and i think nobody can understand the prob also .well my advise is have patience i know 13 yrs is long but think about ur kids be happy with them just keep in mind that god has given u two beautiful kids its ur sacred duty to take care of them ignore ur husband because i dont think he will be happy even when u start working , teach ur kids good value , help them get good grades in school . tell ur husband that he knew about ur qualifications before marriage why did he marry u ? if he wants u to work ask him to pay for some course that u might want to do in order to get a job in IT and most important pray to god for the peace in ur life and have faith miracles do happen
bye take care
ss
priya replied. Feel so sorry for ur condition . Its a clear cut case of harrassment for dowry !
Are there no relatives or friends or brother who can give him a subtle warning that he might land in jail if he continues this ??
I cant think of anything better for the situation you are in !!!
Is feeding wife not the duty of a husband ?? then why did he marry you ??
I pray for you !
2007-08-31
#1
Name: Radhika Subject: Hello
Nimmi:
I think, this is the time you should really talk to your husband. You said that your husband is in IT and earns enough to support the family... then why he wants so much money? I agree with Ritika, that you can get a job anywhere and in any position. We do not know your qualification, but I am 100% sure that you will find a job in any place. Start somewhere! and once you start, tell your husband, that he is NOT going to get a penny out of your earnings. Your earnings are going to be completely for YOURSELF and your kids.
Tell your kids the truth. We do not know how old are they, if they are at an age that they can understand the right and the wrong, then tell them everything, and ask them what do they think. Who' s right?
Nimmi, be firm and strong. No one in this world can rule you, and NEVER for money... Tell your parents that you are about to take a decision, and tell them clearly that they need not sell themselves and get the money for this greedy person.
Ask your hubby why he is earning so much money, and where is it al going...there has to be clarity between you both...find out where he is spending all the money he earns...
One thing for sure.... DON' T KEEP QUITE NOW!!!
2007-09-02
#2
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
Dear Nimmi,
Pls don´ t be so disheartened. Your husband has given you so much unhappiness.
His emphasis on money all the time has made you feel that only money will make it alright for you.
Where do you think this money is going to come from?
If there is no way, then you have to choose another way to live your life..isnt that so?
Or do you want to continue living the way you are right now??
If you are a post graduate, there are in-numerable opportunities for women like you as teachers in schools.
Have you even thought about it?
Forget your husband for a moment. He has been continuously degrading you. What more can he say.
Try living for yourself for some time. Stop feeling so dependent on him for your happiness.
Go buy a Sunday newspaper and check out the job ads and apply to the ones you think you can handle. Make a resume on yr PC and start sending it out to prospective employers.
This is your LIFE Nimmi. You can either do something about making it better or you can keep being sad and miserable. You can keep waiting for some miracle to occur or dig into that deep strength inside you that every human being has.
In this marriage you do not seem to have a voice. The children have been brainwashed by your husband. Your son seems to think that that is the way to treat a wife.
Pls, pls try to find a job. Working, going out, meeting other people will raise your confidence and give you some money to be financially independent.
I sincerely hope that you find some courage inside you. Because it can mean the difference between a better life and the current one you have now.
Take care and all our wishes are with you.
2007-09-02
#3
Name: nimmi Subject: thxs friends
Hi
I thank all of u for giving me your valuable suggestions.I am basically post graduate ,just cause he put several restrictions on the job like only IT ,with no support i couldnt get into any,besides comparing me with his peers [women] ,really made me lost myself some where from which Iam unable to lift myself up,nor prayers r helping me.Iam a stranger in this house.Never he has given me an assurance that he is there for at all times,he hate my very presence hence he tells me go out of the house,r just be polite with no right to express ant thing even with the kids.Kids r also just like the father they dont care for me. girl is lil ok.I have no friends,have an younger sibling but helpless.Its pain to be with a person who dont consider ur values n probs.Only money can make every thing possible here.
2007-08-30
#4
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
After reading your post I have several thoughts in my mind.
Your husband is a greedy man. Very money minded. If he hasnt changed in 13 yrs, he is not going to change now. Do you want to stay with him? Or have you thought of separating/divorcing him?
Can your parents support you and the kids for a few months while you can search for a job?
A job need not be only in IT. You must have some skills...it is just that your husband has lowered your self esteem so much, that you think you don' t. Can you look for a job like a secretary, receptionist, maybe cooking meals from home, stitching clothes, working in a day care, primary school with kids, as a teacher ( several small private schools are in need of teachers)...once you are earning, you can maybe find a place to stay by yourself or with another girl to share a flat.
If your husband is physically abusing you, take some photographs of your injuries. You can also check out if a case can be filed against your husband for dowry harrassment. They might need some proof. Do you have any letter/email that can support your case?
In case of divorce, your husband has to pay you child support and alimony. So find a good divorce lawyer who can help you through all this.
You need to find a way to get away from this despicable man who values money more than his wife and kids.
Google the internet for women support/shelter in your city. There might be some organization willing to help you.
You do not deserve this life and god willing, you will get out of it.
Take lots of care...
2007-08-30
#5
Name: ss Subject: have patience
hi nimmi
i can very well understand ur problem i am too in a kind of same situation (not for dowry) my husband does not think that i am also a human being , sometimes u want to go out of a relationship but u cant and i think nobody can understand the prob also .well my advise is have patience i know 13 yrs is long but think about ur kids be happy with them just keep in mind that god has given u two beautiful kids its ur sacred duty to take care of them ignore ur husband because i dont think he will be happy even when u start working , teach ur kids good value , help them get good grades in school . tell ur husband that he knew about ur qualifications before marriage why did he marry u ? if he wants u to work ask him to pay for some course that u might want to do in order to get a job in IT and most important pray to god for the peace in ur life and have faith miracles do happen
bye take care
ss
2007-08-30
#6
Name: priya Subject: hi
Feel so sorry for ur condition . Its a clear cut case of harrassment for dowry !
Are there no relatives or friends or brother who can give him a subtle warning that he might land in jail if he continues this ??
I cant think of anything better for the situation you are in !!!
Is feeding wife not the duty of a husband ?? then why did he marry you ??
I pray for you !
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& Answers to Topic : dissapointed need advise
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