Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am in a very bad situation. I am married, have a 3 year old son, staying with my wife who is very caring, but I do not feel the love in her heart for me. She is there to care for me, but not to love me.

Before marriage, I had a very good friend who was could really understand me. We were friends through internet. But she used to be really nice, could understand me so well. I am sure, it was not fake at all, I have seen so many cases over the internet, but our friendship was pure, we both understood each other very well, whenever anyone of us used to get upset, or anything, the other person could understand rather, feel, sense the problem and could open the topic. We used to talk over the phone for hours. We met twice or thrice, and then i had to go abroad for my studies. When I came back, she was still there for me... Even today, when I close my eyes and think about the first call I had made to her after returning, I can still hear her smile, feel her heartbeats adn her happiness to know that I am back!

We both were in love (i guess), because when we came to knwo that her parents are finding a partner for her, she told me about this, and I lost a heartbeat...but by that time, even my parents had seen a girl for me. I had some committments towards that girl who is now my wife. When my friend told me that she loves me, ( she was the first one to accept the fact!), I rejected, telling her abt the committments i had for this girl. She was disturbed, I know, because for a minute she did not speak at all... but then just said, we will continue our friendship. She got married to the person her parents had selected for her.

There was no communication between us for almost 2 years after her marriage as even I hd to travel to countries for my job., but all of a sudden, i once found her online again. I just said hello and then we again started talking. I told her abut my marriage as well.

She was happy to know that!

The thing is that my wife is not giving me want I want, which my friend used to give me without asking. I am not comfortable talking with my wife about some topics, or rather she does not understand most of the things am talking about. We do not have good sex life either. She does not allow me to do whatever I want, for no rhyme or reason. She is from an orthodox family. Actually our marriage was a very quicky one, as i had to come and join my new project, so had to really hurry up for the marriage registration, then her visa, which did not gave us much time for preparations and we had a court marriage. I think this might have disturbed her because i can undrstnad that every girl has soem dreams about her marriage day! which in our case did not happen. Actually i know this girl since my college days, she is from one of a distant relation.

But I am getting this feeling of negligence, lack of communication from her side, which i never faced with my friend. Even she is having a problem with her hubby about the same issues I am facing.

But now we both are stucked, we bothare married to some different persons in life... ofcourse we did it ourselves, but I am really confused, and upset abuot my decision to reject my dear friends proposal, and marry this girl.

I do everythign to please my wife, I do everything she wants while having sex, I care for her, We both do not want a child right now, we do not wish to get out of this relationship, but that friend of mine is not going out of my mind... at times, when am having sex with my wife, i think about that friend and do it.

I knwo this all is bad and I have a problem., but PLZ PLZ PLZ help me out...

what should i do? i am so frustrated with everything. Maya replied. Hello confused,
You guys are all stupid you just know how to ruin and screw life of an innocent girl …why did you break your friends heart …why did not you submit yourself to her in the first instance … though you are not explicit yet it is very much clear that your needs are more or less physical … do not commit blunder again by cheating on your life … you have already committed big mistake in life and you want to repeat it again….

You wife must have gauged your intentions and might be this is the reason of her non cooperation ….forget about your friend and commit hundred percent to your wife … have a kid and you will have no time to crib over petty issues …. Try to strengthen the relationship you have with your wife make her happy and live

Regards
Maya
Confused Upset Frustrated replied. I made a mistake in typing in the first line. The friend am talking about has 3 yr old son.

I am facing this problem, because I rejected her proposal. It was me to deny the fact. I am sure, she must have gone through a lot of pain, and must have cried a lot , and I jsut want to confess to her about his. I really want to.

my feelings are not physical. They are more emotional than physical. SHe has a special place in my heart and mind. I had told my wife about her, not in much detail because at time, i did not have any feelings for marriage as such towards that friend of mine. But after marrying this girl, I am feeling upset, I have recognised my mistake, but i cant do anything now...

What shoudl i do?