Relationships  Discussion Forum

I regularly read this board..Today I need some support and I don' t want to involve family in this before I take a decision. I am 27 yrs and married for close to 4 yrs now & have a lovely year old daughter. Initially after I met my hubby I felt like the most luckyiest to have got a very bright, smart & caring husband. He is a winner in every thing he does. I am an avg girl with good looks and good family background. Later, as we got to know each other..I was not happy with a few of his habits which I raised objections to & he seems to be having this supiriority complex & refers me as a looser anytime we have an arguement. I am also in a good job with good earnings. But since he is very highly paid(top 10)he looks down upon me...never understands what my needs are(emotionally...otherwise he takes care of my other needs). It is very clear from his behaviour that he is very much dissatified with me. I am considering leaving him & atleast leading a happy, satisfied and confident life..where I will feel happy abt myself. I am sure broken heart after saperation will last only for a while and I deserve it for aspiring what is more than what I deserved..but living like this all life! & about my daughter, I think it is better for her to grow up seeing me confident and happy for she will grow up seeing her mom...& more over I can always switch to countries where single parenting is common & she will not feel out of place....Please give me your suggestions before I decide & go and talk to my parents abt. it. nanpaw replied. Hi

Well I have been married for 4 yrs too and I do sympathise with your predicament
I noticed that you also pointed out to your husband that you do not like some of his habits and try to change that. Maybe that hurt him too?
While there are many things we might not like about each other its always best to learn to ignore the bad while embracing the good things. A child needs both parents and living life alone maybe fun for a while but not when you have nobody to share the burden of parenting.

You can always get involved in activities that you like, take a break from being a wife once in a while go for a holiday either with or without your daughter. I am sure things will be better. These days its too easy to walk out on a bad marriage than to stay and work things out. I do hope you will show more patience and try before you give up.

Take care MANJU replied. Dear \" unhappy couple\"
I am suffering same as you are. To add to my sufferings he is abusive both mentally and physically. I just hate him. but can' t leave him b' cause of my 3 yr old daughter who is very much involved with him. I live with him only b' cause he is a good father.
I have been throughout topper and very good professional. I am in a respectable job and very independent.
B' cause of him I sometimes feel like doing nasty things like sucide. but can' t b' cause i love my daughter. My own behaviour is also changing.I am more irritating and angry all the time.
I just can' t give you any sugesstion but can only share.
love replied. hi,

reading from your post im not able to understand that is your relationship with your hubby is so bad that u want to separate.u have just completed 4 yrs,having a child also please dont make a decision in a hush hush manner.

Marriage is a life long committment.Many women face so much struggle but still try o keep up the marriage.
See there should be no EGO between husband wife.i think you should communicate with your husband what you dislike about him.you say he looks down upon you,but inspite of this feeling has he ever thought of leaving you...he is still living with u.then y r u considering leaving him.

have you thought because of this what will happen to your child?u r independent,u can find a job and be satisfied but that child will always feel absence of father love.
i think before taking any decisions think a lot.its a important decision,discuss this with your parents as well as in laws.

wishing you happiness. Maya replied. Well what I opine is living alone and that is with a small young daughter would be very difficult to manage especially when you are working and there is no nody at home to take good care of your child . Have you thought of following few aspects
 Are you financially secure enough to take good care of yourself and your daughter
 Security
 Though does not matter in today’s scenario still society fear I mean what people will think
 Parents and siblings reaction future
 Will you remarry than also future is never guaranteed and will that person accept your daughter Etc.
Is your husband really that bad …I mean is he abusive in nature or just thinks you are inferior to him in all aspects. Try to talk to him and explain your points to him do not just walk over the relationship because he thinks you are inferior to him. You must have confidence since you are earning too and good looking also . Go for vacations with him , change your hairstyle , change your dressing sense I mean do something that might appeal him .
But if he is really intolerable you must first discuss the issue with your in laws and tell them what he thinks and how he behaves with you.
All the best …think twice before taking any big decision in life
Maya
Kumar replied. Dear UC,

I am really sorry that you have found yourself in this state. But are things really that bad between you two? Do you not talk at all anymore? Have you ever physically fought? Do you still have a sex life? Has he ever expressed the feeling that he would be better off without you?

You should try out some serious professional marriage counselling. Search and find one and talk there first, before you decide or talk to parents.

From the dischord you have expressed in your post, I am unable to find a suitable clause under which Divorce can be sought. Meaning if he objects, it will be difficult.

Write more about your relationship and his objectionable behaviour.