Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am married working lady of 28 years. I have been married for 3 years,staying with my hubby and do not have a kid. From the beginning of my marriage me and my hubby had lot of troubles.Her mother did not like the presents given by my parents at the time of marriage so she humiliated my parents a lot.She always speaks
against me and my family to my hubby and my hubby trusts her blindly.

Me and my hubby stayed apart for 1 year as I was
working in a different city. I used to visit him
alternate w' ends.My hubby expected me to take care of me, which I admit I did not do. Because of that he started thinging that I am a very selfish and self-centred lady. My hubby is a caring and loving husband. He ll buy me whatever I want ,ll take care of me when I am ill, in short a good husband.Another problem with me is that I am not very talkative because of which we had a communication problem.I did not use to tell my feelings to my hubby as I know he is telling everything to his mother as he trusts her blindly.This has created mistrust between us.He things Im hiding things from him and vice-versa.Because of this trust problem we have not planned the kid yet.

3 months back we discussed all the issues and decided that we ll discuss everything, I will take care of him,home and his family and also he will not share everything with his mother. We also decided that we will work to build trust on each other till this year and and then only we will plan for a kid. From that day onwards everything was ok. I felt like he is happy that
Im taking proper care of him and the home. Also me and his mother are talking nicely on phone which I know she is doing to make my hubby happy but now Im ok with that.

Now the problem is 2 days back I happen to read his blog in the internet where he has written all these things.I was devatated to read some things which he has mentioned in his blog and never discussed with me.
1.)I was staying with my sister(who is married now) when I was working in the differnet city for 1 year as I mentioned before.For the first month of our marriage we cud not have sex as I was feeling lot of pain when he was trying to enter. Now he has written in his blog that he thinks that me and my sister are lesbians as I
was not interestd in sex.I was shocked to read this.
2)Another thing that has upset me is that he has
written that I am not fair and beautiful. I know that I am no Aishwarya Rai but I look above average.Before marriage he used to tell me u r so beautiful, I do not know suddenly what happened.
After reading his blog I am wondering how
my hubby is behaving normally with me if he thinks like this about me.I feel like he is faking all the time.The day I read his blog I asked him how he is feeling about me, he told me he is feeling OK but it will take some time for him to believe me. I asked him whether he loves me , he replied yes.I asked him whether he trusts my character, he said Yes. Now I am not sure whatever he has written in the blog is out of anger or he is thinking like that about me all the time. I am not sure whether he really luves me or not. I love him and do not want to loose him but after reading his blog it has
become very tough for me to luv him. Sometimes I am thinking that I love him and take his proper care he will love me more and once we have a kid things will be better.

Please advice me if Im thinking correct and what shud I do now.
Kumar replied. Gilian,

I noticed your posts and the replies a bit late I guess.

Without going into the aspects that others have dealt with I just want to warn you with your thought of \" Having a baby will solve everything.\" I strongly wish to advise you against it. I have seen a bit too many such cases, where a baby does not solve anything, rather increases the entanglement beyond a stage when you cant do anything anymore.

DO NOT GO FOR A BABY, keep your options open. Remember you have already considered/though of divorce!

Your situations are not healthy and do not welcome an innocent baby into your problematic life and expect it to solve your problems. As parents its our responsibility to give the baby a healthy atmosphere not expect the baby solve our relationship problems. Chameli replied. hi Gillian,

Shravani has suggested something good.U can try that.Even i am thinking that when i get a child that will be end of all the problems i face. shravani replied. I think you have mentioned that your husband takes good care of you and is a good person. So why dont you give this relationship some more time. Forget about the blog, often men are also confused abt sex in the intial years. Try to look attractive, be good to him, try to have a good sex life so that you as a wife are not falling short in any of ur role .Think of making this marriage work . Have faith and give time . Chameli replied. Hi

Ask him directly about the blog.Let him explain.If he says it is out of anger,then ask him to remove it immediately & let him apologise.Whatever you have in your mind just speak out so that he ' ll put his confidence in you then his mother.