Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear dddd,

First of all, thanks a lot for remembering me and inquiring about me. I will be honest in telling you that even though I saw your message before but I wasn’t in a mindset to reply you so kept postponing it. Sorry for the delay though.
Well, I am getting better by the day. Some days are better, some are just ok and some are worse but I have decided to help myself in coming out of my situation. I have started to practice it too. I have decided to tell myself in my head every morning that it’s a lovely day today and that I am very happy. You know it works wonder. I have also decided to forgive people who caused me pain and leave them to the hands of God. As Shravani said it in her post on Joint Family board that we should not try to play judge. We should leave that role for God. I found that very comforting and peace giving statement. I am happier since I decided to forgive those people. Believe me, it felt like a huge weight was taken off my heart within seconds of this thought. I trust in God and I have full confidence that he keeps balance with joys and sorrows in everyone’s life. And I can be happier if I want to, right! This is very difficult time for me but I am trying to overcome my insecurities.

How are you doing?

Thanks,
Tanu

How are you doing?Just as you mentioned i try to make up my mind i need to forgive my in laws and husband.When i think okay let me forgive my husband and try to be happy him,he springs right back and starts his verbal assault.Although there is no physical abuse,he does try to bring me down a lot. I guess if it was only physical abuse maybe i would have eventually forgiven him.But he doubted my character and claimed to be in love with my relative and mailed her too.I am not a person who talks to men flirting. His sister does a lot. But she is a saint to him.I hardly talk to his friends to. I dont have men who are my friends also.And most of all Tanu after we get married ,the whole way of us talking to men changes. We have a responsibility to carry of married woman too right.His sister flirts like crazy but she is a good woman. But i just talk what is needed and my character shud be doubted. I am tired of all this. My dad does feel its better i separate.It becomes a lot difficult when i imagine i have to see him everyday and forget everything what he did.
What a wonderful dream you had.If husbands are in front of family then they get all the additional support. My husband is same. after the arrest he was sorry by his actions. Did not apologize though. But once his dad said you shud have calmly discussed with him after the abuse,the same words came out of my husband.If you are bruised and mentally down will any sane person have the mind to calmly discuss with the abuser.
I curse my sil and my in laws everyday . Including my husband. My in laws have nothing to worry for my SIL as they have him fully under their control using black magic. Now my mind doesnt want to give in this marriage.
Do you stay with in laws now or alone. if alone dont worry its a golden opportunity.If you dont have in laws interference everyday half the battle is won. me also i dont have daily interference,but they brought up their sons who are abusive and a SIL who wants to run everybodys life according to her wishes.Lets see i am just taking one day at a time. Now my concentration is fully on me getting my permanent residence.
Take care.

Hi dddd,

Good to know you are doing alright. No, No I am not great or anything even closer to it...I am a normal Indian daughter from a respectable, educated, open-minded and God-fearing family. And my Mom is helping me a great deal in finding peace in my heart. You know what, its not that I am able to follow completely what I am trying to do. Even though my mind tells me to forgive them, my inner conscience is still hurt. The other day I woke up after I had thrown my H and his mom out of my house with their luggage on their faces in my dream. I laughed my lungs out after I woke up because I know howsoever hard I try I will never be able to do that to anyone in real. And I still have some cursing-spells when they get onto my nerves and it becomes hard for me to continue thinking on forgiving lines. But I know I am coming out of it, though slowly, for my own good and for my son’s good. I guess it will take me some time to come out of that hurt completely.
You know my H is still trying to convince me for reconciliation. But I have no trust left on him for several reasons... he has had enough chances in past to fix his problems but he has broken my trust over and over. Now while he is all sorry, takes full blame of spoiling our relationship on himself and is ready for medical help, counseling, anger management, meditation and what not when we talk alone...but when we have audience (his or my family) he changes his tone and starts claiming that I am lying about several things and that we both were at fault and we both need to fix several things in a very diplomatic manner. I don´ t think that’s the sign of a person who is genuinely sorry.
Pl. don’t get me wrong or insensitive about the pains you are going through but if possible, give your M a fair try one more time before deciding anything. I will definitely not suggest you to take any abuse but if you see hopes then pl. try to give your H and your M one last chance. I will pray for you. May God bless you with happiness.
Take Care,
Tanu

Thanks for getting back. How are you?
Things have been okay from me too. But i am not able to forgive my husband for what he did to me.You are really a great woman. I have decided to separate from my husband after i get my permanent residence. My parents have been supportive to this too.
I guess i may just not be as forgiving as you are.
Its great to know how u are. Its been very long.Take care.